Advice on Handling "Rude" Child

YOur daughter was bound to encounter racism at some point, like all kids....Just talk to her, everytime you watch t.v, witness an event, experience anything really. There are a lot of great books out there too....Just don't pretend it does not exist...

It stinks that kids this young are already being faced with racism. That only shows how SEVERE the problem is in this child's home. Step one of my advice- PRAY! Pray that his family will understand the pain they are NEEDLESSLY inflicting on THEMSELF and OTHERS! I figure it's safe to assume that this child is not white.

As for what I'd advise her (and the other kids in the group) would be to defuse him in some way. For example: have her take a Ziploc of graham crackers with her for next few days. Every time he calls her (or another child she's playing with) "white cracker" have her say "I prefer graham crackers. Would you like one?" and offer it to him. If he sees that he's not receiving a "race driven" response, he may begin to see how LAME "white cracker" is. This will also help her to disassociate it as a "racial remark" and view it as "just words" this kid is saying. I'm certain that there are other ways to defuse him, but DO NOT stoop to the level of throwing back a “race driven” remark at him. Racism fought with racism only escalates the problem.

I’m so sorry that your 7 year old has to be taught about what racism is at such a young point in life. Unfortunately people that have been discriminated against by other races tend to teach their kids that “that race”, what ever race it may be, is the cause for their own failures in life. I can agree that discrimination is hard to over come if you don’t know where to turn for help… but, those who want to succeed badly enough will find a way to brake past the wall of ignorance. I’ve also read (though I don’t recall where) that people that are “prejudice” are MOST likely to be faced with prejudices. Those that only identify people as people rarely encounter prolonged racial discrimination. Meaning, people that say “I didn’t get the promotion because I’m a Hispanic woman” are likely to be help back for MUCH longer than the person that says “I didn’t get the promotion because they feel Tyrone is better qualified than myself.”

Won’t it be nice when we all see people as JUST humans! I would love to spend a day with a different color of skin just to prove to my self that racism only breeds in environments that encourage such ignorance.

I hope some part of this helped~ J.

M., im sorry to say but the ignorance in people will never change. I came here as an immagrant in the early 70's, i was young but i had teenage sisters. They were brutilized by the other children. They were called all kinds of names and made fun of. It drove 2 of my sisters to drop out of High School and get married at such an early age. That was more then 30 years ago. My parents didnt speak english, everytime we would go someplace people would even make fun of them. Its such a cruel world. We over came it somehow, we came such along way. We all found our place in this country, we all became US citizens, went to college and got great jobs. And somehow the city and state that i grew up in seemed to change, for us and all immagrants that came there. We were no longer looked down on, we were finally excepted. Well, unfortunatly, in recent years, because of recent events that have taken place in this world, it all changed again. My mother recently came to visit me here in California, as we waited at a red light one day, a Hispanic man, stopped in front of our car and started laughing directly in her face. She turned and looked at me and said, see we have been set back 30 years again, cause that man as laughing at me. I felt so bad for her, i wanted to cry. I didnt no what to say, but i felt the hurt for her, deep in my gut. I realized that this world will never change. As a mother i teach my children, that there is no difference in color, race, or religion. There is no question about it in our house, everybody gets treated the same, my kids are allowed to be friends with anyone that they choose, as long as they are good kids. With my kids, i do tell them what they are and where thier roots are, but i also let them know that this is thier Country, just as much as anyone elses. Speaking to them about these things are so important to me. My 5 year old son was asking me about religion the other day, i told him, that everyone is entitled to thier own beliefs, and that we should respect all religions, no matter what, no if, ands or buts about it. As far as color goes in our home, its not an issue, i grew up in Detroit, where everyone there was mixed, my kids lived there too, so thier views on color is that were all the same, no matter what color we are. Im, talking to much now, but i guess what im trying to say is that IGGNORANCE and PREJUDICE, are taught at home, practiced at home. If you teach your children the right way then they will learn how to deal with it. Good Luck, to you and your daughters.

A.!

M., actually after reading the way you handled the situation and the analogy of the "crayon" you did great, I love it!! Sometimes we need to hear that the way we as parents handle difficult situations in my opinion are pretty darn good. Unfortunately we can't change society and some of the ignorance out there, but we can raise strong, intelligent, confident individuals that will lead by your example in hopes in making a difference in our society!! You sound like your an awesome mom!!

That similar thing happened to my child once, except that she is 5 years old, and the child told her "you can't play with us because we have blond hair and you don't..." Even at this age, my child was upset for about 1 week. I told teacher, they talked to the parents directly. The child never did that again, to my daughter, but still 'bullied' other kids. The school later placed this child in another class, because all the kids were complaining about her. What we did as parents, is we taught our child how to stand up for herself when something 'wrong' is done to her, AND to always tell the teacher right away. She can now 'defend' herself... verbally, to bullying classmates, or even adults. We taught her to say things like "that's not nice, I'm going to tell the teacher.." or, "everybody is different on the outside, but same on the inside..." or "stop it, you're not being fair.." etc. My child can now judge wrongful behavior...and she now knows what to say and do in these situations. AND she feels 'in control' of the situation, instead of being a 'victim." And we always taught her to never take it personally and to always tell the teacher or the adult in charge...even if it means telling the child herself in front of his/her parents. I will not take this kind of bullying upon my child. Her teachers are wonderful, and they teach the kids how NOT to be a 'victim' to other kid's bad behavior. It has built her confidence, even though she is already an independent child. We also tell her, that if some kid acts that way to her... to just play with someone else. It's not acceptable. She understands. Her teachers teach the kids all about differences and sameness, in people. That it's the 'content of the character" (Martin Luther King), not the outside of a person. What you told your child is good... keep it up. And talk about it not just once, but over the course of their whole lives... they need reinforcement of these values...and to know how to handle 'bullies.' And teach your child what to say in these kinds of situations...and PRACTICE 'scenarios' with her... so she can practice saying it, and practice how to respond in these situations. That's what we do, and it REALLY makes a difference. My child is now quite articulate and can stand up for herself, instead of being 'hurt' by it. Teach them proper constructive 'solutions' to handle these wrong situations. Children learn very quickly that some people are just not nice, and some are, and it begins in childhood. So pick 'friends' wisely. My girl is always taught this, and because she asks us questions about it. Good luck!

There is no reason for ignorance, the boy heard it from somewhere and someone must had made it an okay word to use because he is hurting people and keeps on repeating it.

It might be the medium that the child is expose to let your little girl know that every person of color does not use that word or phrase "white cracker" to express to one of God's creation.

My children grow up with no racism in their heads but i will alway mention that we are all one.
We and we all have god a great spirit whithin every one of us and people who call us names is because they need love so we should know who we are and no te get affected by anybody call us names, because we know who we are and our love is so infinite that even to the people who call us names etc we mentally will send love for them because that is all they need. i hope it helps