Advice on an Old Love

He called you so you should feel ok about calling him. If he was married I'd say don't speak to him at all. Go ahead. You know you're not a stalker and he knows it too. Don't let the jealous girl stop you because if he still loves you, then that woman deserves to know about it and have some warning that his heart belongs to you. (if it does) Right?
And I wouldn't worry about asking the sister, she sounds like she'd tell you where and when to call.

You should call him. You have a history and should out of respect, at least call him to tell him you're sorry about the amputation. Who knows where that phone call will lead.

M.,

Be very, very sure that your really want to be with him and you're not just lonely. Really search inside yourself because it sounds as if you could hurt him bad. I say this because I have a friend like yours. We grew up together since 3rd grade and have always been great friends. I think at some point our families thought/wished we would get married but we never really dated. A few times I think we were close but we both held back or the other was dating someone else. It turns out there was a reason for that and we are both now married with children to wonderful people that we were meant to be with and still remain friends. I don't want to imply that your situation is the same but think about why you didn't call him back in '05. I guess I feel if you really wanted to be with him that way you would have severed your relationship and gone for it. But having said all that, there is nothing wrong with being friends. I think you have to consider the fact that he may call you and just want that, a friendship. That should be the basis of all realtionships so if that happens start with that and let things develop slowly. You have lots of time.

I agree! You only live once! They are not married and niether are you! Whats the worst that can happen? He will say Im in a commited relationship so i cant talk with you...... ok! What did you lose... nothing!!!
Go for it!!!! Be happy!!!

Hi M.,

My advice is to call him!! You are right about not wanting to live iwth regrets. Even though he is in a realtionship (just dating), there is obviously a reason he has not married the other girl...6 yrs..... no marriage. I would definitely say by contacting him you would be no where near a "homewrecker". If anything maybe a savior for the other girl. The truth is that most likely he never had any intentions of being a long term commited relationship with this other woman cause his heart is somewhere else!!

I believe you need to call him and tell him everything that is on your heart. If that includes you love him and miss him ..... let it all out on the table!! I wish you luck and make sure to let us know how it goes!!

There is nothing wrong with being a friend! If youd would rather no call, what about a Get Well Card? You can add a little note, and your phone number, and if he wants he can call you!

I agree with the rest of the ladies. I think you should contact him. Seeing his sister is the perfect "in." It's not like you're just calling him out of the blue. I don't think you will seem like a stalker. . .just like an old friend that still cares about him! Please let us know how it turns out.

M.,

Having a foot removed is, as you said, devastating. Surely this man will need all the moral support he can get at this point. Please call him to at least wish him well. His girlfriend should welcome calls from friends and relatives letting him know they care. His life will forever be altered. Since his sister will let him know of your conversation, if you do NOT call, it will look like you don't care, or are unsympathetic to him.

Be well,
K.

CALL!!!!! That's all I have to say oh and Good luck.

CALL HIM!!
Or maybe ask his sister if she could kinda "mention" it to him!!
Maybe she could help ya out a lil but here
But then again he has been with her since 2001, thats a while!
But never give up until you know for sure!! You ay never kno until you try and if you dont try then you will never forgive yourself and will ALWAYS wonder!!! Id say go for it!! No one is Married!! lol

Please call him! Even if you meet someone else at this point you will always have that what if factor. That's really all I've got but if you feel that strongly defintely contact him somehow!

I'd call him! Your paths keep crossing for a reason, whether it's for friendship or more. This is your chance. Take this opportunity to wish him well and let him know you ran into his sister. However, let him take the lead. If he feels his relationship with his current girlfriend isn't working, HE will need to be the one to decide that. They are not married, the point of dating someone- no matter how long they are together- is to decide if it's worth making that life-long commitment of marriage.

If it turns out, you're meant to be friends- you've not lost out at all.

Good luck and let us know what happens!

You have to call him. If he is the love of your life, you have to pursue this. Just remember, hope for the best and prepare for the worse. You do not want to have any regrets and wonder 'what it...' the rest of your life. Just gather your courage and call him TODAY. Don't put it off any longer...you will just drive yourself crazy with this. Good luck to you!!!!~~Megan

I agree with everyone that you should call him!! The only thing is that it has to be for the right reason and with the right intent (i.e., out of concern and to wish him well, not to use a tragedy to work your way back in). I'm not at all trying to imply that you have the wrong intention... I just thought if it were me that is what I'd ask myself before calling. I don't think it would be fair to him to throw the whole "I know you are in a long term relationship, but I still love you" thing at him right now, because he is probably going through enough uncertainties (to me it's just not the right time, and I woudld see it as a bit selfish if it were me with an amputated foot and my X came to me with that). Please keep in mind that his sister may not know the extent of his feelings for the girlfriend, or his intentions to marry her. She has been there for probably alot more than you realize, in addition to the recent struggle, so I wouldn't think it easy for him to walk away from her -especially if she has been by his side during this difficult time. Definitely make the call, but you'll feel alot better if you get it straight with yourself on what your intentions are with making the call.

Also, one last thought... if he wants to hook up somehow, be sure his girlfriend knows, or that it is over with them before you do so, to save yourself alot of grief and disappointment. Also, think if you were involved with someone else now, if you think you'd still be having these feelings?

All the best to you. I hope it works out. If not, it may be that his memory and your paths are crossing for another reason, which is much less attractive, like learning something important about yourself on why the relationship really ended, or why you weren't ready then... which will somehow better prepare you for "thee right guy" who will soon be coming your way.

Follow your heart- Life is too short to not tell those we love how we feel. It would have been more devistating if he was gone and you never had the chance to say what you needed to. Take a chance!! Good luck

my advice is simple...do not leave it as a "what if".
best of luck-M.

M.,

Don't live to regret anything. If you feel the need to see him, go see him. You should be able to look back on your life and not regret anything. If you think that someday you may regret not doing this... then go see him. Let him deal with his current girlfriend. I would call him and ask if you can come see him and catch up on old times in private with just the two of you. Then I would go see him and explain everything. All of your regrets, how you feel, and let him know everything. Then he can decide what he wants to do and how. I would make sure he knew that there was no pressure and that you would accept his decision and be there no matter what. Even if he chooses the life he has now, at least you won't regret anything and you had a chance to tell him how you felt. You wont have to live the rest of your life not having told him how you love him. Be completely honest with him... about everything. You will have no regrets then. But try to do it in person, and try to do it without the current fling there. If possible, I would call, and then go to see him at the hospital within an hour as long as she isn't there. Please let me know how this goes for you. I wish you all the luck in the world! :o) my email is ____@____.com

D.

Guess I kinda have the other veiw of things... 12 yrs ago (when I was 17) I married my high school sweetheart after dating for about 3 years. We now have 3 kids and one due in just a few weeks.

Anyways... Now and then my hubby runs into his ex-girlfriend - the one before me... his first love. To begin with I did get jealous and it causes issues between us. But at that time our relationship wasn't the strongest. This past fall/early winter - they ran into eachother again... it was hard for him to tell me that they ran into eachother again, but he did tell me. We are in a better place now in our relationship - so I let him know that if spend time with her is what he wanted to do I understood and wouldn't get upset. I didn't want the "what ifs" running through his head... so I figured I'd let them be friends and if we were still ment to be together we would be. Time passed and she started playing the same tricks that broke them up years ago... so they have went there seperate ways again, but he was able to answer a few questions and "what ifs" he had.

Basicly - in life you have a path... if your path keeps crossing someone elses there is a reason. You need to figure out that reason and you can't do that without talking to the other person that your path keeps crossing. I know in your heart he is the one that got away, and right now he needs all the friends and support that he can get. If you feel your heart drawling you to him - go ahead and call. Just remember that he is in a relationship that he may now want to give up... maybe at this point a friendship is all that you can have with him. But it sounds like both of you might need that right now... some of the strongest relationships come from long lost loves and some come from the friend that was there when you needed someone.

Basicly, calling him won't hurt anything. If thier relationship is strong, it will with stand you being his friend. But you can't live life with the "what ifs" running throught your head... life it to short for that. Just keep in mind that it may not go the way you want it to, that way your heart won't get broken.

Take care and good luck!!!

Hey M.-
I am a firm believer that the only regrets you have in life are the risks you don't take! Call him as a friend at least about his foot, you won;t seem like a stalker! You never know what will happen! Good luck! Give us an update and let us know what happens!
M.

I would give the sister your number and she can give it to him and let him make the decision.I do believe that our paths cross for a reason and yes at times they cross at the wrong times. Its a difficult situation but you need to follow your heart and that means taking such a risk. NOt ever taking that risk will only leave you with regret and thinking about What if for the rest of your life.
Christy

I don't think there is an issue with calling him as a FRIEND. A friend would always call out of concern and care even if many years have lapsed between. There's nothing wrong with being a supportive friend.

However, if HE is interested in pursuing things further and ending things with his current girlfriend, HE needs to be the person to make that decision. Surely the two of you have history and potential compatibility but do you want to be known as the 'other woman' who was the homewrecker (yes I realize they are not married, but they've been together 6 years and that's a lot of time)? How would you feel if you were in a relationship with another man and a woman from his past started sniffing around? If you were in a relationship with a man for a considerable amount of time and some other women was aggressively pursuing him, how would that make you feel? I'm going to guess very angry, hurt, and defensive - like why is this woman butting in?!?

I'm not saying that you never have a chance with him but I think you need to pursue it a little differently. Call him, leave the door open for possibilities, but let HIM take the lead. Otherwise, can you live with the fact knowing that you've destroyed another womans' relationship? We all probably have experienced the pain of a relationship ending, and it isn't a good feeling.

I think everyone is giving you great advice. My only addition would be to try to go into your phone call with no expectations. Just go with your gut and see what happens. Good luck!

From my own experience, give him a call, go and see him, do what ever it is your heart is telling you to do. Be honest with him when you see him and be ready for any reaction. Also understand that time may be something he will need. He's been involved with someone for quite some time and irregardless of his feelings for you, only he will have to deal with that situation. It's not yours to involve ourself in, but you owe it to yourself and to him to be honest and let the chips fall where they may. You will have to maintain respect for the relationship he is in now and be understanding of what ever turn it may cause... but please don't get involved in a hidden relationship, that will only cause more pain for all of you. But, be honest and let him make his choices, let him know you want to be a part of his life on a romantic level and be fully open with your feelings, but also reassure him that if that is not his choice you will be respectful of it.

I've had my own experience with a similar situation and I know it's not always the easiest thing but it is very freeing and uplifting to know that your true feelings (his and yours) are always out in the open between you. Regardless where the relationship ends up, as friends, as lovers, as nothing more than wonderful memories, you will never have to live with the "what if" feelings any more. Who knows, it may be the best thing you've ever done! Good luck with this M., be honest with him and with yourself and what is meant to happen will.