Academically Strong, but Socially Immature

If he truly seems happy the way things are, then leave it be. If he says he would like to have more friends then help him cultivate some friendships by arranging some play dates. Sometimes having one close friend helps to the loner become part of the group.

I think he sounds normal. He's just happy playing by himself. There should come a time when he clicks with someone and wants to play with them.

He sounds completely normal. There is a long range of "normal.

He actually sounds extremely bright, creative and independent and best of all happy.
Sounds like a winner to me.

he sounds wonderful!
i LOVE that he is independent, bright, and not one bit afraid to use his imagination as his first and best playmate!
he doesn't sound one bit socially immature to me. he sounds confident and comfortable in his own skin. if he's playing tetherball with other kids and doing well in school, clearly he's perfectly able to integrate into the herd when he wants or needs to.
i hope you don't 'redirect' him too much. i'm thinking you should do some research into different personality types, and learn to cherish and support the child you have rather than try and make him more 'normal' ie bland.
khairete
S.

Is HE unhappy with the way he is?
Some kids are perfectly fine being on their own, and really don't need a lot of social interaction.
The fact that he's well behaved at school and has no behavioral problems are a good indication that there's nothing wrong with his social skills, he simply prefers his own company.
And can you blame him? Have YOU ever hung around with a bunch of second grade boys LOL!
Seriously though, unless he seems sad and is looking for help then I would simply accept that this is just part of his personality. You can always encourage him to make friends but I wouldn't push it. It's best for these things to happen naturally.

I don't think he sounds socially immature; I think he sounds like an introvert. Unless he's unhappy or it's causing problems for him I would let him be. I don't have any specific titles for you, but I know there are books about introverts/extroverts and how best to nurture one's innate personality type and how to relate to each other when people in families are different types. You could ask his teacher if it's causing any problems for him in school. Some kids prefer to have one or two friends instead of a group. Does he have one or two kids with which he could develop a stronger bond? Maybe have someone over for a playdate. It's also pretty common for boys to play "side by side" as opposed to what we view as playing together.

I don't think there is anything wrong with his behavior. Having a vivid imagination is a good thing, especially since it isn't interfering with his schooling at all.

Do you have him involved in any extracurricular activities? Maybe if you find something where he can interact with a small group of people in a semi-structured setting, he'll have an easier time making friends.

He might do well in an art class too. It would give him a great outlet for his artistic side and maybe build on a skill that he's passionate about. You could also try acting classes. If he loves pretending and acting out scenes, being on stage might be a great place for him. Then, if he has that as an after school activity, he might be more open to trying other things during recess.

I don't know that I would call him socially immature based on your description. I think he just has other passions and interests and hasn't found a group to share them with yet.

I don't see the problem?

MOST kids, especially boys, play like that. They may not do it at school, but I can promise you, they are doing it at home. LOL

If you want to sign him up for some group activities and let him sample some more structured play that's fine. But there's no reason to actively curtail his imaginative play. It's good for his brain!

If he is happy, just let him be. My younger daughter is like that - off in her own world. But she's happy, and other kids seem to like her just fine - she just prefers to play by herself a lot of the time.

If your son expresses disappointment about how things are going for him at school with his friends, I would try to invite friends over one at a time to play at your house. Perhaps that one-on-one time with his friends would help him join in group play at school (if he wants to).

If he senses that this worries you, he may try to stop doing it or may hide his imagination and that would be a pity and a shame.

Why is it an issue for you? Is the concern that he's mostly playing these imaginative games alone? Would you be fine with it if he were doing the very same things with other kids? I suspect you would and that the issue is that he's doing it in his own head and not worrying about involving other kids. Is that right?

He sounds great. I don't think the imagination is a sign of "social immaturity" necessarily; have you talked with his teachers about whether he is drifting off in class? Is he talking back or being distracted? Doesn't sound like it. Is he otherwise socially fine in class time? If he is relating to peers in the classroom, in gym, in group settings, when out among people with you, and that's all OK, please don't worry about his wanting to play this way and on his own; he may need the mental "down time" during recess and after school. He may be recharging his batteries by not playing with other kids with whom he's spending every single minute of his school day.

At eight, he is a perfect age to start some kids' drama classes or even get involved with a kids' theatre. Around our area there are lots of small kids' drama and music schools and even a theatre that is entirely for kids, by kids. Not professional stuff! No pressure, just fun. There are even one-day workshops for kids about acting. See if this would interest him and give him an outlet where he shares his imagining more. But please don't look on it as a way to make him socialize with others.

He might end up being a writer or comic book artist or actor or teacher who is able to reach out to others because he's imaginative. Unless his imagination is negatively affecting his schoolwork (which it seems it isn't) or causing him to have social issues in class or problems with misbehaving in class, church, events, or other settings -- I'd leave him be. Please don't think of the imaginativeness, or the strong focus on the favorite movie or character of the moment, as "social immaturity." As for limiting it -- please believe me that this is going to pass, if you're sick of Superman right now. You'll be sick of some other character next. I would question why he even needs to be "redirected" or his imaginative play limited.

Does he have one on one play dates at home? That could be great for him, but please don't turn those into "You guys need to stop playing Superman now" - let him and the other kid work it out. Worry less about what other kids think of him on the playground or about whether he'll be labeled. He's smart, he does well at school, let him have this part of himself without redirection or limits. If this were affecting him at school or meaning he couldn't function or do what he's told at home, that would be different but if it's just your own fear of labeling -- that's your own fear, not his.

None of this is actually hurting him. My tip...let him be. If he is doing okay then he is fine! You could always try getting him involved in outside school groups but bottom line is he shouldn't have to play with those other kids if he is content on his own. What he needs to do is find kids who have the same interests. He isn't doomed for a life of lonliness. And...why are you afraid of him being labeled as different? Why be afraid of something that isn't even there yet? Being different is not wrong...if he was leaning towards bully or something like that then I could see this all being an issue. But from your question you don't seem concerned about that.

Try reading up on this article when you have some time

http://www.empoweringparents.com/parent-the-child-you-hav...

He sounds just fine. Is he happy? If he is, I see no reason to try to change him.

Why not teach him to embrace his difference? His uniqueness will be his strength when he is older, so if I was you, i'd do everything in my power to encourage his imagination and animation. maybe he will grow up and make a billion dollar movie.

A friend of mine sent his drama gifted daughter to an arts boarding school when she was 12. She loved it because it was filled with people just like her.

maybe you could find an extracurricular activity that matches his interests so he can meet other imaginative kids?

Please do not redirect his interest. Embrace it and help him to cultivate it. it may turn out to be the start of his life's passion.

he is a normal boy. you cannot make him more social.. he is who he is.. many boys and men do not have a ton of friends..

I could not agree more with Mira's answer and I would re-read that one.

Help him find his TRIBE!

I'll never forget the day one of my sons attended his first IMACS class - it was like we found his home planet. Lots of kids very much like him. The ones that aren't don't last long there.

He loves science, all things tech, coding, logic, geometry - you get the drift.

Again, help your little guy find his people. They are out there (though not as much in schools I have found. Schools focus too much on sports imho).

Good luck.

I would look into inviting different kids over for playdates. He might be more comfortable in smaller groups. Can he join a local sport or activity. Good luck

Sounds like my wonderful introverted husband. Let him be himself, as others have recommended. I did a quick search and found some books about parenting an introvert ... Maybe you can find some at the library or order them ...

http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Gifts-Introverted-Child/...

I agree that this is normal 2nd grade behavior. It seems to me that your worried about balance. I agree with the suggestions for art classes-if he's interested. I've watched the kids improv groups and all the kids seem to have a blast with that. Chat with him and see what his interests are. Recreational soccer, floor hockey, baseball, etc. Teamwork is good to learn at this age (or any).
I coach soccer and have a few 'shy' kids, a few hyper 'dramatic' kids, and some very Girly girls. I break them up into small groups with different interests and they do really well together.

If your son is happy, leave him alone. If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

It seems like anymore when a child uses their imagination, their parents think something is amiss. Be glad he has an imagination - imagination fosters invention!

There would be no superheros if the people who created them were not allowed to use their imaginations!

Sounds a lot like my son. It makes me really sad that you feel the need to change him. Life will squash that imagination soon enough. Don't try to make him fit some social mold. Love him for who he is - if his own parents treat him like he's different or socially weird, of course he will crumble to his peers. Help him stay strong and true to himself. He's going to need that in the coming years.

Your son sounds awesome!

He sounds like a great kid. If you are worried he does not have friends, do you ever invite over another kid for a playdate? My son (9) begs for me to invite over someone once a week. He also has neighborhood kids over to our house now and then. They play together and their friendship gets stronger. Ask you son what classmate he would like to come over. Also, is he in any activities? Maybe sign him up for something where he can make a friend….martial arts, soccer, swim team, cub scouts, a camp in the summer. I would not worry about his amazing imagination though. But it does sound like he might be shy to make friends if he is always by himself…so try to give him a jump start with inviting over another kid from school who he likes.

Normal. My son will be 8 in April. My only suggestion is to involve him in an afterschool activity whether it be Cub Scouts or a sports team so that he has some socialization that is organized. I think that boys need to learn that more than girls do. My opinion and I only have boys.

Oh, and don't hold him back in school if he is dong well - then you will have a behavior problem because he will be bored!!! And you may discourage his love of learning. Nerds are great, look at Bill Gates, etc.

Good luck!

Let him be, he is who he is. He is very creative and may become a writer or artist as an adult.

As I read this, I think...what is the problem.

My eldest daughter preferred to be alone. The house could be full of kids and she would go sit in the dining room and turn on the little 12" TV and watch the same channel. She always preferred the adults. Teachers and principals always loved her and knew her by name.

Today, she enjoys the company of her friends just fine. As well, she vacations by herself and enjoys it. Certainly she would love the company of others, but isn't going to sit and wait for a friend to save enough money to travel. She also doesn't deal with someone who wants to go to South America when she wants to visit Asia.

Yes, she is quite artsy. She is a craft technician and that is what she went to school for. She also enjoys photography. Right now, she is taking a glazing class.

Not diagnosing here but he may have ADHD. My older kids were model students, well behaved, yet they have ADHD so they zoned out, a lot. I was very lucky that my oldest son's teacher actually knew that ADHD does not by proxy mean out of control child, they actually thrive on structure. She approached me after school, you are going to think I am nuts because he is such a good student but he struggles with focus, I think you should have him tested for ADD (it was ADD back then).

He has it, all my kids have it, I found out the day he was diagnosed I have it.

Just something to consider.

I would get him involved in some theater type stuff. Does your community have a theater program through the park district? Ours is called summer stage. I think his playing and acting out scenes is ok. But the wandering off/ playing alone / not connecting can become a problem. Have you spoken to the teacher and or school social worker? They have ways of working with at risk kids. I would start checking into it now don't wait till middle school by then patterns are hard to break.

My son was very much like that. He was so much out there that his folders and backpack were a mess. He did eventually straighten up. Probably around 7th grade. He is now a freshman in HS, taking AP World History. He has very big ideas and gets very focused on one or 2 things until he is ready to move on.
For my son, meeting with the school social worker once a week helped him. We also discussed things with his teachers often to make sure things were going okay. I never wait until conference time. I make sure the teachers are aware that if anything, even minor issues come up, I would like to know so we can handle them. In 4th or 5th grade, the teacher would catch him reading instead of paying attn.

Also, my son is not a social butterfly. He has friends he may walk home from school with but for the most part, he hangs out at home. He is a science and history geek.

I agree with the majority of the posters. He sounds like a delightful little boy with a huge imagination that society and school will try to force out of him as he gets further into his education.

I also agree that he doesn't sound socially immature; he sounds introverted, and there's a HUGE difference! I was VERY introverted as a child, mainly because I was overweight with glasses and always chose to wear skirts and my hair in braids, so I was picked on constantly. I had one or two friends I played with (luckily, they lived on my block), and I tried to avoid most everyone else. It doesn't sound like your son is being picked on or made fun of or bullied, so I would let him come into his own. Embrace it and maybe try to join in his fun :)

I like the suggestions about letting him try theater. But also, you think about giving him a video camera. Maybe he's the next Steve Spielberg!

I was a little like this as a kid. I was a model student, but felt that other kids my age were a bit "below me" socially. I always felt like they were so immature that I kept my distance and did my own thing. Probably about 5th grade, I felt that they caught up with me and I started socializing more. By 8th grade, I was a social butterfly.

Things change as he matures and as other kids mature. Usually, by 5th grade, kids start understanding who they really like to hang out with.

What I plan to do with my DD is to allow her creative play. Time to make up plays and stories and perhaps do theatre when she's old enough. She will sometimes tell me she just wants to tell herself a story in the car, and I tell her that's a fine time to do so. I tell her that there is a time and place for things, like a time to tell stories and a time to read her books for class. A time to play with her stuffed animals and a time to feed her cats. My MIL says that my DH (who is one of the most extroverted people I know) was like that as a kid - he could entertain himself for hours with little things.

If you think he's not connecting, maybe it's the kids he's around. I struggled socially because my peers were into things I wasn't. I am an "old soul" and often connected better with older kids. Theatre was terrific for me. Maybe he just needs to meet some likeminded kids.

And maybe he won't be a social butterfly. My sister has a handful of friends that are like sisters to her. They've stuck by each other since they were in elementary school. There's nothing wrong with quality over quantity.

You may also want to read up on parenting an introverted child. After a day of forced socialization at school, maybe what he needs is the alone time.

I would look for group activities for him to join that fit his personality. He might be best in things that are mostly individual, but are 'team' with respect to working with others towards a common goal. Some that I can think of:

Community theatre seems like an obvious one - he gets to be imaginative and creative, and he's interacting (and perhaps making friends with) like-minded kids.

Learning to play an instrument and being in a school or community children's band or orchestra. Or taking voice lessons, and joining a children's chorus.

If he likes sports and you want to play to his individuality how about a swim team? Something like baseball sounds like it would not be a good fit, but a good YMCA swim program, where they focus on being your best individually (but within a group environment), can be great for kids who aren't as socially outgoing.

If he can find just 1 group activity that can be his niche, it will give him a nice peer group with like-minded kids with whom he can make friends, and he can spend the rest of his free time being his own creative self.

Honor him where he's at and for who he is. The world needs all kinds of people. My son is also more of a lone wolf type, and I love watching him get absorbed in his own world and being his own best companion. I feel no need to shape and mold him into someone he's not.

Its hard to tell from what you have said, because I have had to work with some of these kids and do see how it hurts them I tend to lean towards your concern. SO I don't think you are crazy for your concerns. I don't have anything to suggest though beyond what others have said about helping him to redirect it a bit and to teach him how to b social what words to use how to look people in the eye and also the possibility of An autism or Add diagnosis and social play therapy