Would love to hear what everyone thinks of this... I have come to the conclusion that I hate children's museums for toddlers. Maybe for infants or older kids (like 4 and up), but for 2 year olds, they're exhausting. My daughter and I went to one on Friday where she was playing in a kitchen. Another little girl was also playing and they were going back and forth with the pots and pans. Admittedly I zoned out and I guess during that time my daughter took one of the pots from the little girl. The little girl seemed a little nonplussed about it but didn't appear that upset so I just let it go. I mean, in those environments, everyone takes toys from everyone else. Earlier some little kid took a tricycle that my daughter was pulling along. I didn't make a big deal out it... I kind of think they need to learn how to solve those conflicts on their own. If someone was really crying or about to hit, sure I'll step in, but otherwise, they'll figure it out. Well, this little girl's mom in the kitchen kept giving me dirty looks for the next couple of minutes and then saying to her daugher in a very loud voice, "C'mon honey, let's go play with something else. I know SHE TOOK YOUR TOY.... RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HANDS AND WASN'T SHARING... etc..." Well, at that point, had I been planning on intervening in this little conflict, I sure as hell didn't now. I simply said to my daughter that the little girl was upset and it sure would be nice if my daughter made her happy by giving back the toy. The mom kept making snarky comments so I just let it go and a few minutes later we left to play in a different area.
Here's my dilemma... how much do I push the sharing at this age? When she has friends over or we're playing on the playground with a few other kids, we definitely work on the sharing thing, but at these types of environments where there are literally hundreds of kids, it seems like a losing battle. I also don't like to intervene too much when my daughter interacts with other kids because I want her to problem solve and learn how to function in peer relationships. Did I do the right thing here?
I agree, toddlers don't share. If the other girl wasn't upset about it then I wouldn't have worried about it, like you said. I only stepped in when the other child was upset. If they weren't upset, I left it alone.
Some moms are SUPER defensive about their kids. So let it go. That mom needs to lighten up!
First of all it's not age appropriate for 2 year olds to share. Go to a preschool- they have multiple copies of the same toy b/c kids this age don't share!!
I have twins who are 2 1/2... it's a constant battle to convince relatives to buy them the same thing. I guess they think it's wasteful... my mom, who worked for head start, always buys the same item... and the girls always appreciate it and get excited that they have the same. And it stops the fights. My MIL on the other hand puts effort into buying something perfect for each girl... and then they fight over those things. They're 2... no need to distinguish personalities - they like babies, blocks, crayons and play dough. Pretty simple.
Anyway - all that do say... it's the other woman's issue. Don't let them get to you!
Toddlers do not share.
Toddler defination of mine
if it's in my hand it's mine
if it in your hand it's mine
if I see it it's mine
if I want it it's mine
if i don't want it's mine
Well, you should always encourage sharing (because that's how they learn) but before age three you can't really expect it to happen naturally.
I personally loved kid's museums and spaces, but I don't think I really let ignorant people get to me, and I'm sure that helped! That woman's dirty looks would have just made me feel sorry for what an idiot she is.
Anytime we ran into a difficult situation it was time for a distraction, let's go potty now, oh look, here's a special snack, etc.
But I really LIKE being out and about so I think my attitude reflects that :-)
They don't. Too bad the woman doesn't know the Toddler's Creed. They don't play together either. They play alongside each other (it's called parallel play.)
You did fine. It's a process, the teaching is. She has to be developmentally ready for what you teach her as well.
It's easy to say to not go places because it's difficult for 2 year olds to act the way we would like, but the truth is, they need to be exposed to the experience of being out in front of others. Someone who is too permissive ends up with a child who takes a long time to learn how to act, and someone who is too harsh on their child ends up with a child who either bullies kids because the parent bullies them, or a child who is afraid of the parent. There is a balance that we as parents need to find in order to help our kids learn. A lot has to do with their personalities. The best thing is for parents to understand that every toddler wants what they want and stop expecting other kids to be perfect.
I think that you did fine - either you ignore a snarky mom or you let her have it if she won't leave you alone. Sometimes peole like her just aren't worth the time of day, because they will never listen to anyone - they think they know it all.
Dawn
Well, my daughter is very shy. Always was. And the way I first noticed it was at that age at playgroups -- children would take toys out of her hands, and where other children might object, mine would stand there and stare at them. Her feelings were hurt, but she didn't know how to fix it. Eventually, as she got older, she didn't want to go to playgroups any more. Her self-esteem was affected and it became even harder for her to stand up for herself. Now, is it the responsibility of other kids and other parents to make sure she gets her fair turn. No. But I certainly resent the hell out of parents who simply "zone out" and let their kids do whatever they want without any guidance. Yes, they need to work these things out for themselves, but two year olds ARE working things out for themselves when they just take things from other kids. They don't understand fair sharing without the intervention of an adult to teach it. It's not the other parent's job to teach your kid to be fair. That's your job. And if you're going to zone out, then yes, don't go to children's museums, because you're not doing your job.
Of course kids need to learn to work things out on their own, but you need to help her understand -- they're not born knowing it.
Sorry - I think you were absolutely in the wrong.
In my opinion, same w/everything, if we don't begin teaching them at a young age, at what point will they begin to do it. My girls are now 9 & 14 and do they voluntairily share everything of eachother's NO WAY, but when it comes to their friends or when we're w/family, my girls know that you never take the last piece w/out asking.
It is a frustrating thing going over & over the same things as they are with different types of people but something that I always pride myself on is that no matter what type of company my children may keep, I was always on top of them to do what I expected them to do when I wasn't around.
Again, with the age of your daugter, I understand where this may not yet make sense, but one of the first things children are taught in day care or on shows is sharing, manners, etc so it may lessen your load later on.
Best of luck.
I can see both sides. I'm a pretty hands off parent especially when it comes to conflict resolution and stuff. However, I would also probably say something to my kid if he were on the receiving end of the non sharing. Mainly because it's a teaching moment and I don't want him to think that it's okay for him to do that just because no one told him otherwise. Without any tears or arguing I wouldn't have stepped in either. However, if he was getting sad or confused I would say "I'm sorry she took the toy from you and made you feel sad. This is why we don't take toys from people. It's not okay." (And I would mean it in no way negatively towards you or your child. I would just want my child to know my boundaries and what I deem is and is not okay for them).
Toddlers don't share, but if I'm paying attention and I see my kid actively swipe something another kid is obviously playing with, I would correct with "we don't take things when someone else is playing." I would have said the same to the kid that took what YOUR daughter was actively playing with - nicely, but I think it's appropriate to teach manners. That mom was over the top, though. Really - toddlers don't share.
The daycare our son attends encourages sharing in the following manner. If child A grabs a toy from child B who isn't done playing this it, A is told share, and made to return it to B. Then A is given another of the same item B was playing with.
They are being trained not to be grabby.
In a kiddie museum situation, I keep an eye on my kid. If he's playing with all the vegetables, and another kid grabs some that he isn't playing with at the time, I hand them to the other kid, and tell mine to share.
If someone grabs something out of his hand, and he doesn't object, I don't correct the other child. If someone grabs something out of his hand, and he does object, I will step in and say to the other child, sorry, DS wasn't done playing with that, can you please give it back. If that fails, I will tell DS looks like that boy doesn't want to share, let's play with something else.
If my child grabs something from someone elses' hand, I will correct my child, say no grabbing. I will then provide a voice for him and the other child by saying something like, Other child, DS would like to play with the block, but he's a baby and doesn't know how to ask to share. Can he play with the block. Other child can they say yes or no, and I will oblige him.
I applaud your attitude re: allowing kids to problem solve and work out peer relationships.
Our DS is not toping the percentiles, but he is a sturdy two year old. He is also not yet speaking. In a kiddie museum setting though, given my kid's size and non-verbal status, I feel the need to keep a close eye so that mine doesn't get tagged as a bully based on assumptions by other parents.
Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.
Is she very verbal?
Our daughter by 1 was speaking in sentences so by 2 we were doing the whole, "ask her if you can trade, please", ask her if "you can share, please". or we would do the "give her 2 minutes and ask her again.".
We also had a neighborhood with a huge group of girls all around the same age, so she was used to this and as parents we were all used to each other encouraging the sharing trading, give them 2 minutes..
We must have said this a million times, and it payed off..
But if your child is pretty laid back.. you can go with, trying to let her navigate it on her own.
I think you were fine. If there wasn't a big hullabaloo from the kids about it, then I'd do what you did and leave them to it.
You were right. I think more parents need to butt out. Kids learned more back in the old days when parents didn't stand around micro-managing everything their kids did. The kids who had toys taken away learned what to do about it and the kids who didn't share learned that the other kids didn't want to play with them. Many kids get to school and they are so sensitive because mom made sure they never had their feelings hurt, so they don't know how to deal with it. Sure, as a parent you teach them about sharing and other social rules, but you also need to stand back and let them play. They learn by taking risks and making mistakes. No toddler is going to be harmed by hurt feelings.
I sit back and watch. I find that 9 out of 10 times they work it out on their own. Now if your DD was walking around to everyone and taking their things, that would be different. That doesn't appear to be the case though, so the other mom over reacted.
Of course kids should share, and most of them do in time. Only parents don't really need to hover at every corner.
What a snotty woman.
You can't "make" toddlers share. 2 is when you introduce the idea to them, but even today, I don't make my 10 and 11 year old boys share. Sharing is a choice, and NOBODY is wrong if they choose not to share. I think it's silly for adults to force the issue when the social effects are enough to teach a child if sharing is acceptable in a given situation.
As adults, we don't share our toys or food with people we're sitting next to at the park, but we feel inclined to force this unnatural behavior onto our children. I don't get it.
The "you have to share" attitude is, to me, one which is touted by those with socialist leanings. Those who think that the whole world should be okay with sharing what they've earned with strangers who didn't earn it. My humble opinion, of course.
I say that if someone doesn't share, and you don't like it, you should keep your mouth shut and go find someone to play with who will share.
Rev. Ruby: You forgot a line..."If it's broken, it's yours." :-)
2 year olds don't share. It's a giant waste of time even trying to get them to share. The only thing you can do is model good behavior and make sure they don't end up in a fist fight. They lack the conceptual framework for there even to be a real teaching moment! They just can't see past their own nose!
Luckily, by 3 they get it. When my son was 2, I made sure my older daughter and her friends did a lot of trades with him. It worked great. But other 2 year olds don't even know how to do trades. I would step in and offer one up if I noticed the other kid getting upset, but that other mother obviously is expecting something developmentally that isn't there yet.
I think the other mom acted pretty strongly, Nd wuldnt get too worked up over it.
But, honestly, I quit taking my toddler to the children's museum for similar reasons. I think parents should be aware of what their kids are doing and use things like this as teaching opportunities. My toddler is shy and quiet and was constantly being pushed out of the way (yes physically pushed), toys taken from her hands, etc, by 2-3-4-5 year olds whose parent was in the corner looking at the ohone or chatting to another parent.
Two year olds do not share.!
They're in their own little world. And this world lasts for some time.
Don't worry about it and just give her lots of warmth and move on.
