7Yr Mouthy and Doesn't Listen

I have a similar situation. My daughter is 6 and my son is 3 months. We have just started at Super Nanny idea. The 3 of us sat down and made some house rules. We included my daughter in the process. Then we got a medium sized jar and some cotton balls. We explained that if she follows the rules she gets a cotton ball and if she doesn't follow the rules or breaks a rule she does not get a cotton ball. Then we proceeded to explain that once the jar is full, there will be a reward. I let my daughter with some guidance come up with the rewards. They are things, like going to Friendly's for lunch or a trip to the Library or movie night. Once she has filled the jar, she can then pick a from a hat one of the rewards. The cotton balls allow her to see and track her progress. If she wants a reward badly enough then maybe she will work on her behavior. Our rules include, making her bed, cleaning her room, getting a shower, eating her dinner within a 30 minute window, no yelling etc. I find that she is excited about the idea. Especially since, she came up with the rewards. Oh and our rewards do not include any toys.

I don't see any discipline here since you just mention charts and positive reinforcement (huge power trip creators in difficult kids). She should never get away with arguing about chores, or uttering a rude word to a parent much less and entire rude sentence without someone intervening at the first eye roll, smirk or sign of one attempt at a rude word baby or no baby. Sounds like she's using pity to get over on you.

If she has succeeded in getting everyone mad and yelling and not having any consequences of her own worth avoiding, this is how she is forming her behavior. Kids who arent' allowed to do this, don't do this.
QUICK-she'll be a teenager soon
www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com

I'm with Amy. You reward the good behavior, and that's good, but what are you doing to discourage the bad behavior? I'm thinking she needs some consequences. You should know what would work best for your child. Mine would lose privileges for the behaviors you have described...could range from going to bed early, to not being able to have friends over, to extra chores, to loss of electronics (computer, video games and/or tv). A 7 year old should be listening all the time so your husband does not have unrealistic expectations. However, his yelling will not help the situation. He is the adult and needs to have his own temper under control.

One day, when things are calm at your house.
1. Set up the rules - it helps to have them in writing
2. Set up the consequences for poor behavior and rewards for good behavior. There should be no surprises then when the behavior occurs. If A...then B...
3. CONSISTENTLY enforce the rules.
4. Love your daughter - all the time - even when she's driving you crazy. :)

Gosh your situation sounds similar to mine. You almost described my husband and 10 yr old exactly. I have an almost 2 yr old but the older one has never been jealous thank God. But if I remember correctly that's about the age she started getting mouthy and sassy and forgive me for saying it, but it only gets worse:(
I have tried taking thinks away not much seems to work she is very stubborn and wants to negotiate everything. The things that have the most impact are taking away tv, mp3 player, and sometimes the punishment is me picking her outfits for school. Of course this includes straight leg or flair out jeans (she hates them both you know how kids only wear skinny jeans now lol) and shirts she normally won't wear. Your daughter might still be a lil young for that one I think they really start to care about their clothes around 9 or 10? Anyhow those are the only things that remotely work, oh and writing sentences. Preferably in handwriting. I have made her write 30-50 sentences depending on the crime and she has hated it!
Also try the book 'How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk'. It has some good tips in it. Hope this helps..good luck, hopefully they grow out of it. I don't know what else to do either!

Dr Sears has expert advice that ranges from infants all the way on up to older children. I really think he has some advice that would work for you, especially the "how to talk to kids so they will listen" and those articles. I have his book, but a lot of it is on his website right here:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

Start with being sure you're giving her the attention she craves/ after the baby goes to bed, spend a half hour one o one with her reading and talking. You and your husband take turns taking her for little outings just two of you. Do not tie these into behavior she doesn't have to earn parental attention. Read books about sibling rivalry and try to get discussions started about the books. at the same time be very strict time out when she misbehaves or is mouthy -time out and or no tv

Hi, B.:
Is there some way that whomever is having the difficulty with your daughter at the time (you or your husband), take a deep breath and
change roles from being a parent to being a reporter.

Start asking questions to understand what is her problem.
If either you or your husband use counter aggression, you will lose every time.
You all are in control. If you stop and ask questions to find out who, what, when, where, how much, then you all are in control.
If you use counter aggression, she is then in control
Just a thought.
D.
Resource: www.iirp.org