3 Yr Old Uses Inappropriate Word When Angry

#1 -- I disagree with soap as a punishment. It teaches kids that parents can do mean things to them -- not to avoid a word.

#2 -- he's young enough yet that this can be easily changed. It just takes perseverance. Explain that the word he uses is not to be used -- you don't like to hear it -- it makes mommy very sad when he says it. Offer an alternative. My little one picked up "dammit" (from me -- ooops!) and I did that with her. I told her that she should say, "Oh rats! Oh phooey!" So, everytime she or I got upset or were unhappy about something, we said, "Oh rats! Oh phooey!" If I dropped something, if her toy weren't doing what she wanted it to do, anything. So, I had to retrain ME too. But it was worth it. And now, at 5 and a half, she still says, "Oh rats! Oh phooey!"

Much cuter than obscenities!

Good luck!

I can only imagine the pressure you are feeling right now with trying to get your son to stop saying the negative word and worrying about daycare options. However, in reality, the daycare really needs to work with you and help you with your son. Stess to them you don't use this language at home and you are doing your best to take care of the situation. Tell them you really would appreciate their recommendations as they have the experience from dealing with so many children (yes, blow the smoke up their butt if you need too!) - your child probably heard it from another kid at the daycare, but your child was the one who got caught saying it.

Play a game with your son about feelings. You say "This is how I look when I am happy" and smile. Then it's his turn to says "This is how I look when I am happy" and he does what his reaction is. Then do "silly", after a couple of these, then do "angry" and here, you use a word you would like him to replace his bad word with (ex. ruff & tuff or stinky sock - usually the sillier but gross, the better) and then have him do angry.

And in the end, when a child KNOWS its a bad word, and is purposely saying it, that is when the child needs to be ignored until he is done saying it as it's usually just done to get the attention. However, daycares need to nip it in the bud because a bad word spread faster than a virus and the director doesn't want to be dealing with all those parents! IT IS A PHASE THOUGH! It will pass! :)

Have you tried spanking? I am a firm believer in spanking at a young age so when they get older it is not necessary.

Is the dad in your child's life? My son gets upset when i fuss at him, but his world is rocked when Daddy isn't happy. Maybe having Dad talk to him would help. Good Luck!

Wow, that is a tough one.
It sounds like he is super frustrated about something. Perhaps not being able to spend time with you. Its so hard being a single Mom. I am not but my Mother was and we never saw her. I was angry with her for a while. Now, that I am a Mother I have empathy for what she had on her shoulders.
But children really do act out in diff. ways when frustrated and angry about something especially at that age where communication is not so well. I would recommend talking to him about this word and that you will not tolerate it and that if he doesnt stop saying it he will have to leave his school with all of his friends ect.... if he doesnt stop it. He may not understand but he will eventually, especially if they kick him out. Try to stay calm and also try (although I know it is hard during the terrible 3's) but when he has a tantrum stay calm. Talk to his pediatrician for advice. A family therapist might be perfect. They will atleast help you deal with it!!
I wish you well. I know this must be so hard for you.

First the director at the day care has to realize you baby could have pick t he word at the day care Children tend to copy other children Secondly what use to work when my son was a baby was punishing him by taking something aways he loved. Let's say he wanted a toy or go to McDonal'd's you said remember that word that I told you not to use and you keep using it well I am not taking you to McDonald's today like you wanted That is your punishment Usually helps a lot more than hiting kids

He must be hearing those "inappropriate" words from somewhere, any idea? Forgive me for being forward, but using soap in a child's mouth is dangerous, toxic, not to mention cruel. (have you read the ingredients in commercial soap lately?, not healthy stuff) Where'd you an idea like this? This shows a lack of respect for your child. He's 3; give him a break. He's obviously picking up these words from someone in his life, so take a look at that and try calmly explaining that "mommy does not think you should use these words when you are angry" and try giving him some other words or actions that he can use instead.

C.

We had a book called Albert and the Bad Word(I think)that we read to some of our children. At the time it was through Discovery Toys but they don't carry it any more. You might try a library. If you can't find it I will dig out mine and give you the author. If all esle fails I could scan it and e-mail it if it is no longer in print.

Sincerely,

K.

My 3yo daughter picked up saying "Oh God" from her dad. I just told her we don't say that and she actually asked me "What do we say?" I told her we say "Oh goodness" and now she even corrects her dad.

Hello, It could be TV. It doesn't matter if he is just watching cartoon, some cartoons will surprise you. I do believe that he got it from somewhere because at his age he wouldn't know it unless he heard it. They are like little computers; taking in imformation. If you are sure it's not in the company he's keeping than you should definitely pay closer attention to what he is watching on TV. I have a 4 year old that love cartoon and he will definitly pick up things for them, whether good or bad. For example the words idiot, stupid or just simply acting out something he has seen. Tv can be very influential. After a few "that is a bad word" and spanking which I firmly believe in and punishmets he eventually get over it. Just continue to let him know that it's unexceptable, being presistant even when you feel it's not working he'll eventually get it. God bless.

C.,
I have a couple suggestions for you, Instead of punishing him when he says the word, how about rewarding him when he doesn't use the word? It can be as simple as a star on a chart and letting him put it on the chart. At this age, kids love something like that. If you want, you can also add something special once if receives a certain amount of stars.
Another thing is to come up with something else he can do when he gets angry such as taking a deep breath, holding his fists tight, etc. He will probably come up with something on his own if you ask him. Practice it at home a few times so he'll be ready when he does get angry.
Good luck,
R.

I too have a 3 year old that learned some less than desirable language from other kids at preschool. This is what we did: First, they are at an age where they are expressing emotions. It's healthy for them, and you need to let them do it. If they are doing it in an inappropriate manner, you need to show them how to do it appropriately. When we told our little person that what she was saying was unacceptable, we told her things she could say instead. Then we role-played it about 20-25 times. My husband and I sat with her, giving her a toy she liked and taking it away, each time telling her what she should say/do. Eventually she was doing it on her own. We repeated it some more until we thought she really had it down and she has used it ever since.

It's really a normal thing that your son is going through. He needs to be able to express his emotions, but he doesn't know how. After all, he has only been living for 3 years.

Good luck!

HI C.,
I agree with the fact that daycare has him the majority of the time and need to be a part of hte solution, not looking for you to solve a problem that very well could have been created in the other side of his care.

Also, though, i would be more concerned with the coping skills development than with the word itself. The hitting and the failure to handle the dissapointment or irritation is important. There is a great child therapy group called Floortime Atlanta (www.floortimeatlanta.com) that is awesome at helping you understand how to support him in this development area.

Coming at this from a different angle, many children who struggle with coping and later, losing their temper because of a competetion loss, etc also have food sensitivities which is simply taxing their bodies in the areas that need to be reserved for dealing. Milk and wheat are the number 1's with peanuts coming in as well. You may consider doing a 2 month trial with GFCF diet to see if this change the problem quickly. If so, you will realize a whole different way to address this rather than behavioral.

Good luck, J.