My Almost 4-Year Old Has Started Using Profanity

I have a five year old daughter and she came home saying words that my husband and I never used when she was about 3 1/2. We told her we do not talk that way and then I called the daycare director and explained what Karli was saying and that the words she was using were not ones that my husband and I use. The daycare director was very understanding and talked to the teachers and asked that they listened on the playground more to what the children were telling each other. She has never come home again using words and phrases she has picked up on from others.

First of all I commend you for stepping up to the plate and changing your language at home -- everything begins at home. You can't protect them from it because they are going to hear it sooner or later whether from the neighbors, TV, school, etc., however you can teach him what is right, wrong, acceptable, unacceptable so he will know the difference. And don't just stop with slang/profanity. I teach my 7 year old daughter that words such as dumb, fat, stupid, fool, are not necesarily bad words but they are hurtful and we don't use those. You are surely on the right track and with prayer, talking and teaching, he'll be there before you know it.

When my now 6 yr. old came home from Pre K with "s" word I asked her if she knew what it meant...when I explained that was the end of that! When she says something unappropiate I explain ,to her understanding, what it means & so far that puts an end to it....good luck..!

what things are you doing for discipline when he says"bad" words? my mom washed my mouth out with soap(literally)and it nipped it in the bud.I too learned bad words at daycare and my parents never,ever cussed.My son will say something(not the bad bad words)sometimes and will always tell me when one of the boys in his class says the f word or mf word and how bad it is when that boy says that.I tell him that when kids cuss like that they look like they are poor white trash kids even if they are rich kids(the kind that go to his school)and I havent raised him to talk or act like that.GOOD LUCK!!

First explain, when he uses a bad word, that it is a dirty word. If you hear the word again, after that, tell him to go brush his teeth and get that dirt out of his mouth, every time he says it. I used this method. The kids thought it was funny, but brushing several times a day got boring real fast. It was a good object lesson. You might demonstrate on yourself, if you use a dirty word.

I currently have two 4 year olds and I know what you mean. What my husband and I have done is set ground rules. If we hear a word we don't like we tell them that is not a nice word and we don't say that word, even if we slip. It has worked well for us to just reason with them and let them know that is not acceptable language and punishment is not spanking but getting grounded from their favorite toy or going outside or whatever they love to do for a certain amount of time. That way they don't really get attention for doing it. I this helps.
V. M

You are starting out wonderfully by changing what you two say around him. Sometimes the profanity or slangs may slip out before being caught. When this happened to my husband and I with our son, we would tell him that it was a naughty word and not nice to say. Then we would let him tell us "naughty word" and tap our hand for saying it. When he would say one we would do the same to him. This worked for us. He got to the point that he didn't say those words and it was a kind of reward for him to spot the naughty words if they did slip. It also helped him realize that the words aren't nice since mommy and daddy got in trouble if they said them, too. As for daycare, he didn't go for long, but when he was there he would remember the naughty words and tell the other child that it was naughty if any of them said those words. He would also tell me when I picked him up that so and so said a naughty word. I would ask him if he said it too and the answer was always no because that's naughty and not nice. To this day he still will tell us "naughty word" and tap our hands if he hears one. I hope this helps you and your family out.

We taught our daughter from the beginning what we don't say at our house. When I slip and say somthing, she says "mommy we don't say that" she's corrected her aunt, uncle and others. If she does use those words or is disrespectful she gets 'sassy spray' water and vinegar-works wonders! It will take time for him to get used to not saying certain things, just like it is for grown ups, but you are setting a good example. Let him know that you are going to stop saying ugly words and that you need him to help you by telling you when you use one of those words (out of habit.) Him helping you should help him-he may even start correcting the kids at school!

You are on the right track by trying to set forth the best example possible. It's not easy, though, and we have found that sometimes we just have to tell our kids that there are things that grown-ups can say sometimes that kids should never say! We just explain that it is not the best language and we'll try to do better next time so we don't teach them bad habits, but that adults can speak however they want. Kids can NOT speak however they want.

We have also had to work with our kids about appropriate times for slightly inappropriate language. For instance, at home when we are wrestling and being silly, I might yell out, "Hey!! Come here so I can pinch that little butt!!" Squeels of delight and chasing ensue so it's fun and silly and crazy and all right. However, saying "butt" at school or around other adults or to other kids is usually not the way we choose for our kids to talk. So they have learned that some language is not necessarily bad, just not appropriate in certain situations.

I hope this all makes sense. In the meantime, kids should never hear cuss words from their parent's mouths. If it happens, then as soon as you are calm enough, take time to apologize and promise to try to do better. If they see that those kids of words are NEVER appropriate, not even for an adult who is angry, they will learn not to use them as well.

I think your new mantra with your son should be, "That is not very nice language coming from such a handsome (smart/educated/sweet/silly/funny/fill in the adjective of your choice) young man. Let's use different words from now on, please."

We all make mistakes and if we are honest with our kids, they can learn from them as well. Good luck!