3 Yr Old Daughter Keeps Hurting Younger Sister

I would guess that at preschool she is playing with kids her age and they do play rough, push, etc. They're learning social skills but they stink at them when they're little. She's also establishing herself as independent, and her stuff as hers.

It kinda sounds like she's treating her little sister as if she were the same age/size as she is (and as her classmates are) and since lil sis isn't, she falls easier, etc.

If she's being mean, trying to "talk to her" about it isn't going to be enough - you're going to have to discipline her with time outs or whatever if she doesn't stop. You can only do so much reasoning with a 3 year old.

Hope that helps!

I've witnessed this type of behavior between children of approximately those age differences many times and no doubt she has seen other kids hitting and shoving at preschool so I don't think it's a sign of a serious underlying problem.
Nevertheless - you need to take this very seriously her world needs to come to a screeching halt when she does this sort of thing. She could have seriously injured or even killed her sister on the stairs. Personally I would give a couple well placed swats on the behind and some time in a place with no toys or other fun things.

She is three she doesn't actually understand that she can seriously hurt her little sister. I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in PC, in the Barney way, that we forget these are little children and when they are angry they hit. So we say don't hurt, don't hit instead of concentrating on the danger.

Instead try I understand you don't want her around but if you push her down the steps she could really be hurt, she could end up in the hospital. Do you want her in the hospital or just to leave you alone? Tell her to go to you when she wants her little sister to leave her alone. When she comes to you don't dismiss it, say why don't you want to play with your sister. Just accept that she has had enough and take the little one and make her do something else.

Whatever you do don't tell her that her little sister is her baby. She is not her baby, she is not a doll and she sure is not a three year old's responsibility. Don't even make me list everything that is harmful about those words.

Here's what I think, and incidentally my kids are exactly 2 years apart and they are 4 and 2, so I hear you!!!...but I digress...I think that your 3 y/o knows she's "hurting" her a little bit but I don't think she really has the wherewithall the understand about how badly it could hurt to be pushed down stairs or off a couch. She knows that she's pushing her, she knows she's annoyed, she knows her sister might cry, but she doesn't really understand the big picture of how dangerous falling down stairs could be. So although she might know it's wrong, I don't think she's trying to injure her or that there's anything sinister going on in her mind. I think you just have to stay vigilent in your efforts. It's really hard! I try to make sure that I don't always make my older child give up what she's doing to her younger brother and I try to make him wait his turn or find something else to do, but it's difficult at times.

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Maybe she honestly does not see her sister as really being human with feelings and alive. She sees her more like a plaything that does not really get hurt.

3 years old is still young. In preschool they push and shove get tired of toys and throw then push them away etc.. They are learning that each of them have feelings. 3 year old are very self centered. They care about themselves, want instant gratification and needs to be taught empathy..

What are you doing about discipline besides talking? I would think taking the book away until she could be sorry to her little sister or until sister was finished with the books.

Pushing sister down the stairs is an "I am sorry sister" and a time out, siting quietly to help her calm down and think about "what it would feel like if someone pushed her down the stairs?" When time out is over she should apologize to sister and promise not to do that anymore.

Pushing sister off of the couch, means going out of the room and sitting in the hall by herself till little sister is calm, comforted and safe.

I would think it also makes mom mad that her behavior seem so mean to sister. And you know she can do better.

Make her more responsible for helping with baby sister. Going up the stairs? Ask her to hold little sisters hand while they walk up together. Have her "read a book" to little sister, while little sister looks at her own book.

Explain what little sister can do or what she cannot do, so your daughter understands.. And then also let her have some time at home without baby sister always having to be around her.

Let her help you or dad do the grown up things you all do.. Let her have your attentions without baby sister.

Praise her when she is good with baby sister. I like how you are sharing your snack with your sister. Thanks you for holding baby sisters hand. Thank you for helping her go up the stairs. Thank you for carrying her diaper bag.

Let her know when baby sister is watching and learning from her. Look baby sister likes how you can dress yourself. Maybe when she is 3 you can teach her how to put on her pants.

In her mind babies are tiring, they take up so much attention. we cannot go and blow as easily because of the baby.. everybody seems so concerned about the baby, but sometimes, she just gets tired of it. She is 3, it will get better. I promise, the first time she sees someone else being mean to her sister, she will be all over them.
It is fairly normal.

So, what are you doing to punish her? It sounds like you let her get away with it for so long when her sister was younger because you claim it was a "phase", but it was bad behavior that was not corrected.

I disagree that it started when she started preschool, because the OP stated that she did it before she was in preschool, too. In fact, I think the kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for, and she very well knows that what she is doing is wrong. But, because she is not getting punished, she's not getting it.

Now, she thinks it's okay, and it's way beyond "talking it out". She is injuring your baby & could've possibly killed her. What I don't see are any consequences for her actions, only a bunch of talking.

ETA to answer your question: This is how I came to my conclusions - You say that she has been "a little rough" towards the little one for the last 15 months, but that you let the behavior go. You let the bad behavior go. It may be normal, but it's not acceptable, & obviously the talking isn't working or else you wouldn't be here. She grabs a toy from her baby sister? You take the toy away & put it up, or do a time out, or give her a swat, or whatever discipline WORKS. She shoves her? You punish her. You chose not to for the last year +, and that is why things are escalating. There is a difference between "normal" & "acceptable". Being mean to a younger sibling is "normal" but, it's most certainly not "acceptable", IMO. Shoving her down the stairs would've warranted a very swift punishment in my house, such as spanking, but I'm sure you don't believe in that. Would you be okay with a playmate treating your 3 year old, the way she treats the baby? Would you be okay with the other parent not doing anything to discipline their kid, other than talking, because it's "normal" behavior? I didn't think so.

Going thru the identical thing with my 3 yo grandson and his 15 month old
brother. In all fairness to the 3yo, the little one always wants to do what he
is doing or wants whatever the big guy has. He will just sort of push him
out of his way. Looking forward to answers. Good luck with yours.

She needs a time out for hurting each other & I hate to say it but some supervision.

They should not be allowed near the stairs alone, that was your fault not hers.

Taking toys away, is a time when you can teach & talk about sharing.
But a lot of this is sibling stuff, they will play together better as they get older, but they will fight more too!

You are in a tough situation right now. The baby is in danger until you can nip this on the bud. Clearly time out is not working. It's time for a spanking at this point. Spare the rod spoil the child.