I echo every sentiment on here about what a fantastic thing it is for you guys to have weathered so many storms and come out, 20 years later, devoted to each other. Your children have weathered the storm also, and now are poised to become positive, contributory members of society. That, to me, speaks volumes about you guys.
Trudging through snow to the judge's house? Okay, call me silly, but, aside from you not wanting things too "wedding-y", have you ever really felt like a bride? Osohapi, I and probably a bunch of other people can relate to ancillary individuals really f'ing up what originally should have been the most special period of times of your lives. When that happens, it can indeed leave a "black cloud", to quote Osohapi - one that, for me, didn't go away until I had a "redo", ten years after the original date.
By redo, I do not mean registering for gifts, or requesting your guests bring you presents. You guys sound like you are perfectly capable of providing material things for yourselves. When I say "really feel like a bride", I am referring to buying and wearing a beautiful gown, having someone fuss over you on the day of whatever you decide to do. with your hair, your makeup, etc. For me, this was an element that was pitifully lacking for my original "day" and it was very important that I be able to experience that. For some folks, it's not a big deal. For me, it was important. Different strokes, ya know?
Since you, your husband and your children have literally made it through the proverbial storm, what do you think about a piece of jewelry presented to them during your ceremony. For me, it meant sterling silver bracelets with a single charm for me from my husband, and the same thing for my two daughters, who were our flower girls. My husband, who drew the line at wearing a bracelet or a pendant, was given an agate stone keychain.
In terms of officiant, we had one. One of the things that was so heartbreaking, for me, on our original wedding day, was that the officiant, who was suggested by my mother, because he would inject the Judaism into my wedding that she thought there should be, and I did not, ignored just about every single thing that I wanted him to do during our ceremony. I felt terribly dismissed by this. The officiant we had do our redo was a godsend. She was a woman I found through a local herb store. She does these ceremonies as "love offerings" and was a lovely, deeply spiritual woman and I was so fortunate to find her.
While my family (both immediate and extended) unfortunately played a large part in the sadness and heartbreak that surrounded the original day, for our redo, they flew out from California to be there for us. That spoke volumes to me.
I bought and wore a new gown, I had all three of our hair and makeup professionally done (mine and our daughters), and hired a photographer for this event. Nothing expensive, as we had a just-about miniscule budget for this, but what we were able to put together was really beautiful. The setting cooperated (a gazebo over a lake, evening, middle of the summer, with the sun peeking through the evening rain). Ever think what sort of beautiful music birds and crickets make at night? It's really, really pretty.
Whatever make your heart soar on this day, you should do it.
All my best,
E.
