"12Yr Old Feeling 2Yr Old Gets All the Attention"

I would concider starting "dates" with her. Have someone that she truly loves (you, daddy, grandma, aunt, uncle, etc) take her on a date say once a week! Doesn't have to be anything grand. A movie, roller skating, ice cream, etc. That way she knows once a week, so in so will take her somewhere special. If it is you she wants to spend time with, can anyone watch the baby? I would also have a talk with her about how important her role as a big sister is. How she has to protect her sister, read to her, tell her stories, play with her and help dress her. There are so many kids that would love to have a baby sister!

OK, C.! I was the single (divorced) mother of three girls. I would pick one night a week for that child to pick supper, help prepare it and I would do her chores. She got to stay up a half hour past the other two, or an hour when she got older, and we would do what she wanted in that time. It could be play a game, read a book, just talk, draw, color, whatever she wanted to do, as long as we stayed home with the other two in bed. Now another gal has a 4 year old and a new baby. The 4 year old gets 'mommy night' for an hour while I get 'baby time' with the baby. It seems to help her to know she is getting 'mommy time' what day and how long, she looks forward to it. As far as others paying more attention, just keep her close to you and ask her to help you. Older people forget what it is like to be little and feel left out. Give her special jobs to 'help' you. I used to split the grocery list in 4 parts, one for each of my three girls and one for me. They really need to feel they are important in what you do. Hope this helps, it helped me and mine!

A twelve year old is going through some changes of her own.
When she starts her period you might want to have a special celebration of her womanhood. Honor her with a bracelet, or special book and time alone with you. Help her feel capable and helpful in the family and focus on some goal setting for the future. She is on her own journey. Having a little sister is an important part of that. She has a lot to teach her sister and some neat things to learn from her. I agree with all the other advice don't forget to have fun and enjoy both your daughters.

I'm in the same boat with my 9yo and 2yo boys. I can only say that as long as you're making sure you are giving genuine time to both - then it will likely pass. Maybe you could set up like we did a special 'date' with the older kid once a weekend. We do 30 min outings and limit it to 5.00 being spent (like icecream, donut or small treat) and it's 30 min of one on one time w/ the oldest kid. Also - we have had to make sure we don't use the 'baby' as the excuse for things.... example 'the baby is sleeping, be quiet'. Instead we say 'from ---- until ---- is individual quiet time for everone... this makes it seem more as if it's a family event for nap/quiet/relax time rather then all about the 2 yo.

good luck.

I'm only the mom of 3 y.o. & 17-month-old daughters but my suggestion is give the 12-year-old more "just mom & her" time. Maybe once a month (or whatever), go to eat or shopping (a big affair). But at least once a week, take just an hour or so for you two. I'm assuming your 2 y.o. goes to bed before your 12-year-old, if so, then begin a new evening routine that involves you 2 after she goes to bed. An example might be, both of you getting ready for the next day & chatting, watching one of her favorite shows with her, playing a game... let it be HER decision! 12 is a tough age with lots of changes... she just wants to be reassured how loved she is. Somethings don't change- we all just want to be shown how much we are loved, even though we already know it! Many blessings to you and your girls!

Have a date day for each of them. Have a day where only you and your oldest go and do something she wants to do. Take her to a movie and lunch, or take her shopping. find a sitter for her sister and spend time alone with her. Get out old photo albums and show her the days when it was just you two before her sister. Let her know how sometimes you take for granted that she is so independent and can do things for herself while her sister cannot and that although she feels like she does not get as much attn, she will always be your first and she will always have your heart.

good luck!

W. M

PLEASE read the book Siblings Without Rivalry! I have four kids and I wished I had read it long ago!!!

Encourage her to talk about her feelings- mostly what she needs is just to vent about her frustrations! Hey, it is a bummer to have a 2 yr old upstage you after you've been center-stage for a decade! Don't counteract anything she's saying ("We did that with you too!") but just acknowledge her feelings. "Wow, you seem pretty upset." "It sounds like it's not so easy to have a toddler sister!" Once she's vented, the anger gets out and she probably can see the situation a little clearer.

Then, once the anger has subsided, ask her if she'd like to see pictures of when she was that age. Show her how cute she was and reminisce about how you felt about her then and also how you feel about her now. It's just knowing that she's valued too.

The 12 year old is simply saying she doesn't feel special. Feel good that she told you. Most parents aren't so lucky. Maybe after the baby goes to bed do something fun with her. curl up on the couch next to eachother and watch a chic flick with ice cream or pop corn. Or do hair & makeup stuff.

Even if you do treat them the same. Her PERCEPTION is that you do not. She needs to see your excited about her too.

Good luck, J.

Oh, I've been there... I have four boys ages 12, 10 3 years and 7 months! It's a fact of life that people gravitiate to the little ones more than the big! What worked for me was I try to empower my older sons by letting them help with the younger ones. That way there's less competition and more pride when people comment on the little ones....have your daughter take on responsibilities(if she doesn't already) and she may feel more involved.
Hope that helps!
Good luck!!

N.

I also have two girls 12 & 2 so I can relate to your issue. I agree with everyone else's respond and realize I need to give my daughter some more "just me and her time"..they need a little time alone with us and want to feel they are as special. Sometimes I will take my oldest to a movie or we go get our nails done together, or play board games when my youngest goes to bed at night.

Set aside some time just for you and your older daughter. Go somewhere she likes and let her know that you know she's feeling neglected and you want her to know that she is still important to you. You may want to take some of this time to explain that she and her sister are equally important, sometimes her little sister's are more immediate because of her age and that will eventually pass. She might forget all the little times you have to put the 2 yr old first, if on a regular basis you set that aside and give her some one on one time.

I recently had my 4th child. I have children ages 14, 11, & 9. I was on bed rest for 7 weeks and then had a c-section. I was not able to be a mom for about 3 months, so you can only imagine what my children were going through, they had to be the mom along with my wonderful husband. So, by the time I was back on my feet again, my older children were falling apart. What I started doing, is taking one day a week to dedicate to my other children. The way it works is they each get 1 Thursday a month for themselves (1 child alone with me), and then the last Thursday of the month or the 4th week is for all of them together. My husband stays home with the baby and his son when I do this. I let my children chose what they want to do, as long as it is not a $200 shopping spree. So, for you being a single mom, (I was a single mom of 3 for 3 years so I know where you're at) you have to find someone, a family member, a friend or just a babysitter you can trust to take care of the little one so you can give your older daughter what she needs, a date.

And I know you stated that you didn't want to take time from the other child (the 2 yr old), but what you did originally was take time from that older child to "have" the newest child. You aren't going to hurt your younger child by taking time out for your oldest, you love them both so you have to give to them both, each individually and together. You can do it, trust me I know what it is like to juggle 4 plus children, because I have step children.... this baby we had made 8 for us, so give it a go and you'll see a difference in your daughter. Try to take time with her as well when the baby sleeps, it is soooo important, especially now that she is coming into puberty!

Dear Cori, I have a suggestion for you, maybe you have already tried it. You could try to set some time aside for just you and your daughter. Sometime maybe plan a whole day just the two of you. When the baby is getting all the attention try to include her. Talk about how helpful she is at home with the baby.I hope this helps,Good luck. S.

Ok, I agree with both previous responses. I'm in the exact same boat as you C.. I've a 2 girls 3yrs and 13yrs old.
I make sure the oldest talks about her feelings when she's upset and really listen to her. I try to make her understand that I am there for her, but in a different way since she's older.
But I also try to make time for her every now and then for one-on-one time. Its just me and her going shopping or out to her favorite restaurant. That really helps because it also gives us that opportunity to really talk and she's got my FULL attention. Good Luck!!