I'm a Single Mom at Bedtime!

Getting three toddlers to bed is quite a job every night. What I see here is hubby not sharing the evening with you and the children...then he wants sex??? Hello! If he gets home at 6:30 and is in bed by 7:45...what's up with that? You have been working all day too raising the little ones. I agree you can't change basic character flaws etc, but participating in the lives of his children came with the package of having children. Is the TV more important than his kids? You two need to have a BIG chat.

My husband never participates with bedtime. I am on my own when it comes to kids and bedtime. I am a SAHM so that just comes with the territory. He works from 10am t0 5pm and when I get my oldest to bed which is 5 and has started to go to school I ask him to get my 3 year old to bed and when I come in the room he has not done it and then he wants to be intimate and I told him if you want to be intimate you should help put her to bed so we can have them both in bed at the same time. Then we would be able to enjoy adult time together. Like you I am tired by the time I get to bed and dont want to be intimate but sometimes I do give in and give it up because after all he is my husband and I dont work and I want to make him happy. But then there are times now that my husband pitches in if he wants adult time he has gotten better. Now we are due with girl number 3 and I know I am a single mom at bed time without a doubt. Well good luck!

*Talk to him. Let him know Exactly how you feel. Let him know how worn out you are and let him know that you understand how tired he is too.
When something like this happens with me I always start by telling my hubby that I understand where he's coming from and that I want to do something for him, but I feel as tired as he is. (usually give him a kiss tell him I love him then talk)
For the most part he understands and apologizes.

Oh my, where do I start? Let's start with your husband. You said he is always too tired to enjoy evening time with your son. You said he goes to bed at 7:45, so he doesn't have much time to spend w/ your son at night. And, since your husband claims to be too tired to spend quality time w/ your son, then how the hell does he have energy for sex? Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!! Your husband has sex energy but not son energy. You see how that works???

Regarding bedtime - I also have 3 small kids (ages 6, 3, and 2) but you beat me to it w/ your little ones! Here is what you need to do - Put them all to bed at the SAME TIME and throw away the key!!!! They are all so young, that having the same bedtime is appropriate. Put them all to bed at 7:00!!!!! However, if your 4 year old still naps, he might not be ready for bed, and so put him down at 8:00, now that I think about it. When you put your 1 & 2 year olds to bed (and maybe your 4 year old), guess what? This will be at 7:00 - 45 whole minutes before your very tired husband's bedtime, which means (drum roll, please)... ...HE HAS TO HELP YOU PUT THE KIDS TO BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO EXCUSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, it is so riduculous that your husband goes to bed at 7:45. Does he really need 10 hours and 15 minutes of sleep every night? That is how much sleep my 6 year old gets! Adults do not need that much sleep! Adults should get at least 7 hours of sleep (I have heard that 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep is fine for adults, but that wouldn't work for me).

Now, what I mean about throwing away the key when you put your kids to bed is this - LOCK THEIR DOORS so they cannot get out - go to Home Depot and buy different doorknobs that you can lock, if that is what you need to do. They literally need to be locked in their room for bedtime, and guess what? They will get the hint that it is bedtime and mommy's not playin'! Let them cry and scream and huff and puff - I PROMISE you it will stop after 2 or 3 nights. So, kiss them good night, close and lock their doors, and throw away the key and don't look back!! If you do this, you will nip this in the bud in 2 or 3 nights. And don't worry about your 1 year old - he/she is not a baby anymore! Your 1 year old is much closer to a toddler than a baby. If he or she is already walking, then he/she is already a toddler. You do not have a little baby to worry about. Your 1 year old can fend for him/herself. Good luck and tell your husband he needs to help with bedtime and give himself a later bedtime as well. Incentive for husband - if he helps you, maybe you will have more energy to give him sex.

Your husband goes to bed a 7.45 to get up for work at 6? Unacceptable. He can go to bed at 8.30 after the kids are in bed. A grown man does not require 10 hours of sleep every night unless he has a medical problem.

He helped make those babies, he can help take care of them. Non-negotiable.

If you are both awake and the kids are all asleep, have sex. That's the deal. Otherwise, no dice.

For your own sanity, I would encourage shifting the baby's sleep schedule forward a little bit, but that's a post for another day.

Good luck.

I opened this and expected that your husband worked at night. Mine did for many years, and I developed a system that worked for us that I kept to every night. The baby was held during bedtime stories, and I put the two younger ones to bed by laying down with them (they both slept with us). But my husband was out working his butt off for us, so I did it without complaint (mostly lol).
I find it appalling that your husband doesn't have the wherewithal to help with bedtime, but expects intimacy when you finally come to bed. That's ridiculous. There are some thing you can't change about a person, but this man needs to step up and start being a parent, and that means "doing bedtime" when he's home. period.

I've gotta say your husband is being really selfish. Unless there's some medical issue you forgot to mention, NO adult needs THAT much sleep! That's more than my 4 year old sleeps for crying out loud.

Start putting your kids to bed earlier. 7pm for the younger two. 7:30 for the older one. AND hand over bedtime to hubby. There's NO REASON why he can't put his children to bed. It will give him quality time with his kids and YOU get a break from them! And who knows? With that little break before your own bedtime, you *might* be a little more interested in being intimate with your husband. Pitch it to him that way and see what happens.

The other option? Tell him the plan and leave the house for an hour or so. He'll either get the kids to bed on time so he can get HIS beauty sleep or everyone will be up and grumpy - HIS call! But I honestly wouldn't put up with this any longer.

My husband STARTS work at 5 a.m., busts his hump for 10 hours per day (very physical job--and he is turning 50 next year!) and he puts our son to bed at 8:30-9:00 every night. Your husband is getting MORE than enough sleep. I think he at least needs to get the 4 yo bathed & into bed--himself. THEN he can go to bed or watch tv. He's just being ridiculous. Sorry--that's my opinion.

First, start very early in the morning telling your husband that you would like to be intimate tonight, and give him a specific time...and remind him about it all day long! Then start a "no TV after dinner" rule and turn it off. Next you have to give him small manageable tasks such as "would you please help the kids brush their teeth while I help them change into pajamas? and btw what would you like for me to wear tonight?" Keep him interested while you also get some work out of him! After the kids are in bed, and you two finally get to bed comment on how much easier it was for you since you both worked together to get the kids in bed,and now you have time for each other. Its a win-win for everyone!

J., he needs to first be checked by a doctor, then get some counseling. If he is waking at 6am, he needs to go to bed at 10pm. This is called just suck it up! I say this from experience. My husband just had his nose checked and it is 90% blocked on one side and 70% on the other, he is scheduled for surgery soon to improve it. He will sleep in every day 7 days a week 2-3 hours longer than us. He can go to work whenever. Sometimes I get so frustrated I am like suck it up!! I slept 6 hours and got up with our 3 yr old son twice, so not really sleeping that long. Becuase of my medical issues (11 herniated discs, severe arthritis, and degenerative disc disease in my entire spine so in pain all the time) my doctor said I need 8-10 solid hours of sleep, well that has never happened. He has always done bath and bed time becuase besides that hour I am on the other 23 hours plus do all the shopping, meals, cleaning, and laundry. I still am feeling a little ripped off, but until he sees he needs to change more I am stuck. We have been through counseling as well and the counselor would say until he sees he needs to change, nothing will be different. My husband has yet to SEE it.

Hang in there. Hugs your way!

i am basically a single mom due to my husbands work hours (11p-730a). i stick to a strick routine when it comes to bedtime. what i do with my daughter is at 730p i get her in the bath. then dressed for bed, hair combed, teeth brushed and flossed. maybe what you can do is sit and tell your hubby that you really need his help. if you give baths at night ask him to get the kids dressed when they get out and comb their hair then you can brush their teeth and send him back to put the oldest in bed while you handle the 2 younger ones. if your 1 year old can play by his or her self in bed let them. if your 2 youngest share a room put the one to bed that goes down easiest last. hopefully with all these post you will find something that works.

I know how you feel, but my husband is at work in the evenings. I think your husband needs to at least take one child on at bedtime. These are his kids too, and I would not let him just sit in front of the TV while I try to get three kids to bed. Just because he works long hours, does not mean he can neglect being a parent. I think he needs to suck it up and be the dad he is supposed to be. I know when my husband has a day off he puts all three of our girls to bed because he knows how stressful it makes me. My girls are 9, 4, and 3, and I have done bedtime on my own since my oldest was 2. Some nights flow great, but then you have those off nights when it feels like all I do is yell at them to go to bed. The one thing that has helped me is that I put my two little ones down about 30 minutes before my oldest. Try different routines out to see what works best for you. Maybe something like bath, book, and then bed. I would even take a book to dad with the youngest and say something like, "I'm going to put the other two to bed while you read him/her a story." This will at least help a little, and dad does not have to be up moving a lot.
As far as him complaining that you have no time for intimacy, that is his own fault. If he wanted some private time he would help out more. He can't expect you to do everything and then for you just to be in the mood. I hate it when men think like that. Communication is key, and you need to tell him that maybe you would have more time for eachother if he helped you with bedtime.

I am sorry, but since you added two children quite recently (within the last two years), was there evidence of your husband's lack of involvement prior to babies number two and three? He sounds depressed more than tired, and going to bed may be an escape. But that's not fair to you. Or the kids.

Marriage counselling would seem to be beneficial. This problem is larger than it looks.

I realize everyone needs a different amout of sleep but your husband is getting 8+ hours each night (which is not abnormal) but also it's not abnormal to ask for a little help! My husband gets up at 4am Fri-Sun but doesn't go to bed until 10pm (again everyone needs a different amount of sleep). You didnt' say if you were a SAHM or not (which really wouldn't matter with three that age because I'm sure they do not nap all at the same time). I get up with our kids most of the time, too, but not sure if that's because I hear them first, he chooses to not hear them or maybe if I get them sooner whereas he'd let them fuss a little.

I think you should try to start the bedtime routine by 7pm (including baby). This can be you five reading books together, having him help while you get the older one's teeth brushes, help with getting them in pjs, etc. Not sure if they are all in different rooms either. If they are, then you HAVE to stagger the bedtimes. If you are getting NO help (and never will), I suggest trying to put the 1 year old down 1st and let the others watch a cartoon. Then put the 2nd one down and let the four year old read books. Then at 8pm, put the 4 year old down. OR, have your husband put 1 of them down while you are putting the other down then you'd only have to put the 4 year old down by yourself. There are many ways you can work this out with hubby - it may just mean making the kids go to bed earlier, which is not a bad thing. My son is 1 and goes to bed at 7pm (and wakes up around 630-7am). Daughter (3) goes to bed anywhere from 730-8 and wakes up the same time as my son (sometimes later). We start her bedtime rountine around 7pm so she's in bed between 730-8. Talk with him and try whatever is necessary - no need that HE cannot help!

I was a single mom at bedtime until a month ago because hubby worked. I always let my daughter watch a cartoon while I put him down with the understanding that she could not come into the room while I was getting him to sleep. Now he goes right into his bed, I'm in there for a few minutes singing to him then I leave and he either cries (for a few mins then I go back in to rub his back and he'll fall asleep) or he goes right to sleep.

That being said, with my daughter I either rocked her or sat in her room until she was FULLY asleep until she was almost 2.5 (I did this to myself!) but once I realized she COULD fall asleep without me there, we worked on getting her comfortable with that.

GOOD LUCK!

Your husband needs to suck it up. There is absolutely no reason he can't take care of the baby while you put the 2 yr old down, then you can take care of the baby while he puts the 4 yr old down and you can both take care of the baby. My ex got up at 530 and worked until 4pm and then went to another job at 430 monday thru thurs and got off at 9. Plus everyother weekend he does national guard and opposite weekends he had his other kids. Yet he still made time to help me with the baby and make me feel special.

Like my momma always says: They sure like a makin em but they sure don't like a raising em. You didn't get pregnant by yourself so why should anything else involving the children be on your own? Your husband is taking advantage and you are allowing it-don't. If he wants to get upset at you for not being intimate with him then he should be upset with himself because he isn't offering a hand to help his partner. Have you both watched FireProof? That movie explains a lot on how a marriage "should" work and might open his eyes as well as yours on a lot of things. It amazes me how the men get so upset with the women over sex yet IF they got up off their butts and helped out they would be getting sex almost every night because we are more inclined to be in the mood and have more energy because of the extra help-duh its a no brainer yet so many men follow in these steps.....but women make their own mistakes as well. It's just unacceptable to me for a man not to put forth a hand with the household duties and children...regardless if you both work or not. You both made the decision to get married and have a family so both should participate. Of course I know others here who would strongly disagree with me but everyone is different and there are certain ways people make a relationship work out whereas another it would not. Overall there has to be a balance that both parties can agree to.

J., try to see if this works. I am not sure if you believe in co-sleeping, but in your case, you might have to. Lay on the bed with your 1 and 2 year old hugged in both your arms. Your 4yr old is old enough to understand that it is bed time, so let him get in the bed too and do your bedtime routine, sing, read, pray, whatever you normally do and begin a routine. It might be rough the first couple nights. Then as the two little ones (ideally) go to bed, you can focus on the 4yr old. It is important to not just "send" them to bed, because if yours are like mine, they are not going anywhere until mommy is settled down herself. See if that helps ...because I know sometimes getting hubby to help is harder than getting kids to bed. All the best.

It's hard to read your letter without getting angry with your husband. Parenting is a huge job and he's getting off easy, using work and sleep as an excuse - like you don't work or need to sleep! Have you thought of marriage counselling? Maybe a third party can get thru to him. I'm sure that whining and nagging won't work - it usually doesn't in my house anyway. Rest during the day if you can.

Tell him that you may be more interested in being intimate if he helped you with the kids he helped create! My husband gets up for work at 5am, and he always handles bed time for our boys at 8, and than we usually find time to have personal time together after that. It makes for a well balanced and happy marriage, and he is happy to help me, knowing he will more than likely get what he wants afterward. ;)

Two suggestions: (1) Send your hubby to the doc - he should not need that much sleep every night. Maybe every once in awhile if he's pooped out...but def. not every single night. (2) Adjust every one's bedtime to an early time. I swear it works wonders on the kids!!! I agree with the mom that stated she starts the process right after dinner. I do that too. If it's a bath night...the kids head upstairs right after dinner. My hubby gives them the bath while I clean up the kitchen. Then it's PJs, brush teeth, book and bed. We used to lay with my son...but that has stopped. It cut too much into the intimacy time with my hubby...so I disagree (respectfully) with the co-sleepers. I like to get the kids in their own bed no later than 7:30, and my hubby and I catch up on things and hit the hay by 9:30 together. He wakes up at 5 AM every single day...and my kids and I get to sleep until at least 7:30. I have a 4 year old, 2 year old and another one on the way. This schedule has done wonders for me and for my husband. Of course, all heck breaks loose on the weekend...but we stick to it during the week. Last winter, we used to put the kids down at 6:30pm. And, they still slept until 7:30 AM!!!!

Good luck!!

I can relate to some extent. My husband leaves for work at 7:30am and gets home at about 10:30pm. He works 2 hrs away from home and he gets out of work at 8:00pm so he is really never home when they go to bed. We have 2 children and they act out because they miss their daddy, before they go to bed I make sure they are able to say goodnight to him via phone. On Sunday's they are able to see him but he usually spends most of the day in bed "resting" and when bedtime rolls around if he doesn't come out to help I send them in to say goodnight to him. This may be something you try with him, having them go to him to say their goodnights and then you put them to bed. The single mom that commented on married moms saying they feel like single parents, I feel for you. I do feel like a married single parent a lot of the times but don't even pretend to understand what you deal with on a daily basis. We may not realize it and feel it but we do have a support system that you don't and you have my respect for all you deal with in that role.

Sounds like you need marriage counseling. He has checked out of your marriage and being a partner. Raising children is not just your job. You ended your post about wanting help to stop the kids from screaming....maybe they are missing out on some quality dad time and are acting out. I'm telling you from having a first marriage where my husband did the same thing...it ends in divorce. Now my second husband is a prince charming who not matter how hard he worked during the day would never shirk out of his fatherly duties. You need to step up and give an ultimatum, counseling.

Sounds like someone is suffering from SS. Selfish Syndrome. Time for you and hubby to have a serious talk about his involvement with the children he was there to create. This should not all fall on you, if he's home and doing nothing more important than watching tv. It's unfair to you, it's wrong of him, and it creates a gulf between him and his own offspring.

On a Friday night, let the kids stay up and make so much noise that it interrupts his blessed tv watching. Or when he goes to bed so early (????? for getting up at 6?) that they're still awake and making noise. I know this throws them off their schedule, but if there's enough disturbance, maybe it will create an opportunity to say that whenever he's ready to HELP, then it will be time to put the kids to bed. He's a parent, it comes with responsibilities and obligations.

Do they each have their own room? Do they all go to bed at the same time, it sounds like you said around 8pm. Why 8pm for the baby? Is their room dark and quiet?

Here are my suggestions.
1. put them to sleep at different times, no later then 7pm for baby (that's what I do with my 14 month old, and if her nap is not long its 6pm, and she sleeps until 7-8 in the morning). Maybe do the next child 30 min later, and the oldest at 8pm.
2. make sure the room is really dark and use some white noise so they are not distracted by another one's screaming, so use a box fan or noise maker of your choice.

Try to keep from responding every time one of them cries. They know that they can get your attention so they'll play it to the max. Obviously if they need to use the potty or are hurt you'd take care of that, but just crying because it's bedtime is not something you should respond to. If they get out of bed put them back in.

If any of them are sharing a room, keep at least 30 min to an hour between them going down. Be sure the youngest is ASLEEP and that you're quiet when going it with the older one. I have to do this as my two girls share the room. The 3.5 year old goes to bed between 7:30 and 8pm depending on if the baby is asleep, which she usually is.

I don't have any major solutions with hubby. I'd stop nagging if you do, and just send oldest in to where hubby is when its close to 8pm, or maybe at 7:30 when you're putting the second one down. Keep cheerful and uncomplaining about all of this. Many mom's are the sole care giver for the kids due to husband's odd schedules, so you're not alone. I have to do this a couple of times a month due to my husband's schedule. Hopefully if you keep things low key and upbeat your husband will appreciate the gesture.

Best wishes!

It appears both you and your husband have long days. Your children are picking up on the fact that you are both tired and sounds like not getting along.

Maybe the approach should be different. Have you and your husband had time alone? Maybe a date? If you can get away just the two of you for a couple of hours and talk about things and he understands where you're coming from and vice versa. We are different than men. Even my 13 year old daughter has already realized it. (I've been married for 18 years and also have a 16 year old son).

Have you approached your husband letting him know that your 4 year old really wants to spend time with him? What about weekends?

Lastly, people of any gender only change if they want to. It is the approach.

Time for him to turn OFF the darn TV and help you get your children to bed. I have on ly two and we both do it together, it's impossible to do it by myself without someone stressing out and feeling resentful. I have no idea how you've managed to do it with THREE that's insane.

I help brush my oldest teeth (8yo) while my husband gives the baby (18 mo) a bath, puts lotion and her pijamas on. After I've tucked in my oldest my husband reads her a story and I take the baby give her a bottle and put her in her crib.
The whole routine doesn't last more than 45 min and we struggled at first but as of right now this is working pretty well.
Your husband has to help, there's no way around it, they're his children too, he cannot just tune everyone one out enjoy his show and then go to sleep. He is too tired??? how about you??? you're EXHAUSTED too!!!

My husband leaves for work at 7am and doesnt get home until 8pm. My 2 yr old used to be in bed every night before he came home, but my husband was never seeing him, ever. So, now i keep my babe up later and extended his day nap time. So now, my babe goes to bed around 8:30 and my husband gets to put him to bed.

I'm at home alone as well during weekdays, and I do sleep a lot as your husband does... sometimes to get time alone or deal with depression and fatigue:)

Here's a potential timeline -- you could let hubby say goodnight to 2 and 4 yr olds around 7:15/7:30, and he reads/plays or puts to bed baby while you put 2yr to bed -- while that's happening, give your 4 yr that 15/20 extra min to play/watch TV. Then after 2yr is tucked, hubby reads/puts to bed 4 yr around 7:45/8pm while you take baby and do that routine.

Then, hubby can either go to bed around 8pm and/or if you have baby tucked, you two can snuggle-monkey:)

Sometimes, as my hubby is, hubbies don't know their "place" and get grumpy/feel like outsiders until you integrate them/place them into the routine in a non-abrasive way -- make it fun for them and then they open up to their kids more and open up to helping you with the kids more because they now have a "place" and don't feel "left out" like the last kid for kickball:)

Now... can you help me get my hubby to "own" some chores without him feeling like he's a serf???:)

My husband use to work the long hours, he would work 4 12's it was suppose to be 4 10's but always ended up being 12+ hour days. He would not do things with the family. He never went to bed right away when he got home at 7 at night but he would not help with the kids. I felt like a single mom all day every day for years. He lost his job because of lack of work and we moved he now has a 8-5 shift and he is a new man. He is no longer exhausted on a daily basis. I didn't realize it at the time but that was it for us. He was too tired, he was depressed. Which then made me depressed because I felt like he wasn't there.

Anyhow I know that this may not be an option to switch jobs because well as we know a job is a job. We actually found that my husband loosing his job was a blessing. It was a rough time being unemployed but it made our marriege and family life better in the long run. Now since he is NOT a morning person I take the kids in the morning by myself and believe it or not he gets the kids by himself at night, that's not to say that if one of the kids is crying I wont step in, same as in the morning if I am having a rough morning he may get up and help out for a bit.

I know that you are stressed I have been there, but now that we are on the other side of it, I can just give you the help of finding out how to help him so he can help you. I know that the 24 hr job of being a mom is rough I have been doing it for almost 6 yrs and have a 5.5 yr old 3.5 yr old and 6 month old. 4 of those years my hubby was checked out. But there is hope out there, the good news is this is making you a strong woman, and I tell you now that my hubby is helping out more often it feels great. Yes, you can change someone if they are willing to and are given the tools to change.

sounds like my husband but i only have one child that is 2. Husband gets up for work at 5:30 leaves at 6 and home anywhere between 4-6. THen falls asleep by 8. We do get our time in together we put our daugther in her room with the baby gate up and put a movie on for her while we have our 10 -15 min alone time in our room. Then he goes and sits on the couch for the rest of the night watching tv. But if i need his help with something then he will get up bc he knows if i have to yell 2wice for him im going in there and shutting off the tv until he gets up and helps me. lol.

I am a single mom, and it's upsetting when I hear married mothers saying "I feel like a single mom". That aside, if your husband goes to bed at 745, and the kids go to bed at 8, why not put the kids to bed at 745 as well? That way you have his help.

I don't cosleep with my son, never did, and from what I understand from my married friends with 3 kids there is always going to be screaming, no matter what.

I do not know what advice you are looking for...I can tell you that my hubby works nights and works 12 hour shifts so several nights a week I feel like a single mom too...I do not think it is asking too much if your hubby is awake to help with bedtime, I know you feel like you cannot change him but sitting down and talking to him in a non confrontational way and explaining How you feel and also How important it is to the kids could go a long way. I think for your own sanity that establishing a good bedtime routine is a must, try and get them on a regular bedtime schedule...if by "baby" you are referring to a 1 year old I would try an earlier bedtime than 10...

My kids are 4, 2, and 1 as well, and it is tough when there's only one of us on bedtime duty. You're doing a great job, Mama!

That being said....you really need to enlist hubby's help. My husband gets up between 5-5:30 AM, and still has the ability/desire to help with the kids, despite not getting enough sleep. It's important for you to sit down and have a discussion with him (w/o the kids around) about your stress and fatigue, and your desire to have him more involved....trust me, if you husband gets more involved, you'll have the real desire to be intimate with him ;) That explains why we have #4 on the way...haha.

If I were you, I would definitely move the kids' bedtimes up a bit, and stagger them, if you can. We get our youngest down between 7 and 7:30 PM (sometimes earlier, depending on when he woke from his afternoon nap - he's gone to bed as early as 6:30 PM!), and he sleeps for 12-13 hours.
We get the older two down between 7:30-8 PM, and they sleep for around 11-12 hrs - they share a room, so same bedtime works in this case. I get them involved in the whole process too - picking out pjs, putting toys away, brushing their own teeth, etc...
(Yes, one of my kids is always "not getting the attention they need right at the moment", so I kind of look at it like it's triage - whose needs are immediate and need to be addressed right now? Usually the baby's - and the older kids seem to know this, but sometimes the baby waits if he's extremely fussy or taking longer to get to sleep.)

I start our bedtime prep right after dinner. Sometimes I don't clean up dinner til after they're in bed, but I try to aim for while they're still up (and playing with husband) b/c then I get "me time" after they're in bed (and my husband likewise gets his own time, or we get together time), at least for a short while.
If that doesn't work, could you start bedtime prep during nap/rest time? Get out pjs, clothes for tomorrow, lunches prepped - anything that would make your evening time quicker and easier!

Hang in there, I hope you get the results you're looking for, and soon!

I get up at 6am and go to bed at 10pm - that's 8 hours, why does he need more than that? I think he is hiding. Start putting the kids to bed at 7pm as they do need 10-12 hours sleep and enlist your hubbies help - if he refuses, tell him you are going to bed and he can deal with his children on his own the way he makes you do it on your own.

Seriously, you need to sit down with him and find out what is going on. That's an awful lot of sleep he is getting on a regular basis, is he depressed? My hubby gets up at 7-7:30am and Iam lucky if he is in bed before 1am.

Good luck.

p.s. - tell him you can't be intimate with him coz you don't have the time or energy to handle another pregnancy/child on your own.

That is where I would go with the suggestions here to co-sleep as well. I would definitely be snuggling right in with my little ones. My boys are 2 and almost 4 years old and I sometimes fall asleep with them putting them down. 1 year olds are always on their own schedules and I would imagine an 8 year old just needs a kiss, hug, and a nudge to bed. Start parts of your routine earlier, like tooth brushing and into pajamas right after dinner so you don't have to hustle anyone right before bed. We sometimes let the kids watch a "quiet" cartoon right before bed or read books in the living room.

I am also finding it really interesting that anyone can sleep that much. My husband works evenings, so I am up by 7 for work, work all day, have the kids all evening when he's working until he's home after 11, then we start putting the kids down around midnight so he can see them both (and obviously neither has to be up for school). I don't usually get to bed until 1:30 (this is early for me--we're working on getting me more sleep). Some people's bodies really require more sleep than others, though. I've been able to manage on 4 or 5 hours for a long time, but being pregnant now I need a bit more.

As to being intimate, try suggesting that when you're not trying to sleep, or just wake up for a short while right before your husband has to get up for work. It is important for you to find a way and time that does work, especially if he is already frustrated about it. Even working opposite schedules my husband and I can usually manage to find time for that at least 4 times a week or so, more or less depending. You would both feel better. Let him know some night that you want to but you need him to do _____ (give him ONE easy bedtime task) to help you out.

i know i'm a little late to the party but thought i would join in:) i have 3 kids just turned 6, 3 and 1 and am quite prego with #4. my husband works odd hours sometimes home @ night or not. but he is often very tired. so if he's soooooo tired i tell him to lay with the most troublesome at the time (usually the 3 year old) and if he's that tired he should have no problem falling to sleep with the little one. you get a break and he gets some sleep -yay! my husband ends up sleeping with our boys all the time. i just wake him up when i go to bed and he goes right to sleep in our bed. i also took out our crib and put a play gate around a full size bed so anyone could sleep with the 1 year old too (horrible sleeper). it's almost always me that gets up but it's nice to have the option. i know life is yuck with little sleep and little help, but it looks like you have some great ideas to try. hope you find something that works. good luck!

your husband needs to get up off his but and help, the 4 year old is far to old to be going through this, old enough to know when its bed time it's bed time. Set a schedule and start the process right after dinner, maybe one night your husband takes care of them, one night you do and one night, you both take care of them, it's a team effort. i know 3 screaming kids can get old FAST and he needs to step up and help. Maybe hubby needs to take vitamins, low on those minerals your body needs will result in fatigue, tiredness, etc. do the kids all have to take a bath on the same nights? Mine alternate, one night the adults will take a bath, the next night the kids will take a bath, saves on time for sure

and as long as the baby is in a safe place, like a crib, why do you have to stay up? let the baby cry to sleep, and let the hubby take action, maybe skip a daytime nap with the baby so baby will be so tired he/she will fall asleep faster, maybe crankier during the day, but MOM NEEDS REST TOO!

Ok... I've been in all different types of situations with my ex and my hubby now. Neither one has ever understood my sleep disorder, but now that I'm on medication, I can function normally so no one has to understand it... If he's sleeping 10-12hrs every night, he may have a sleep disorder... However, even having Hypersomnia with long sleep cycles, I still managed to do all the kid things on my own. So your hubby should be able to help you as well.

I have a 7yr old daughter (1st marriage) and a 2yr old son (2nd marriage). I work full time (always have) and my hubby works with me. We have the same work schedule! I HAVE to tell him, 'come in from the garage and HELP ME NOW.' If I don't tell him that, I will get no help. Reason-

MEN DON'T UNDERSTAND HINTS!!!!

My husband fully understands that if I ask him to come in and help and he doesn't... He gets no lovin from me later.

My schedule is as follows EVERYDAY.

5:45a - Wake up, get dressed, brush teeth.
6:00a - Get lunches made & packed for hubby & I. And breakfast for our son that is in daycare packed.
6:15a - Hubby gets up, gets dressed, and brushes teeth while I go and get the kids up and dressed (my mom comes to see my daughter off to school).
6:30a - My mom shows up and hubby gets all the stuff for the day out to the car. We leave and take our son to daycare.
7:30a - Get to work.
4:15p - Leave work.
5:00p - Pick son up at daycare and daughter up from my mom's.
5:30p - Get home. Hubby goes out to garage to tinker on MY project car and drink beer. I start dinner and help daughter with homework... Attempt to entertain son during this multitasking.
6:00p - Ask daughter if she can play with her brother for a few minutes while I get the table set for dinner.
6:30p - Eat dinner - Have to call hubby in to eat.
7:00p - Hubby helps put leftovers away & rinses dishes, goes back out to garage. I get kids in the bathtub & get them cleaned up.
7:20p - Fight kids to get them out of the tub.
7:30p - Text hubby to come and give the kids kisses for bed. Read son a book & he goes to bed.
8:00p - Have daughter call her dad to say goodnight. She likes to watch 1/2hr of TV and then goes to bed.
8:30p - I take shower & fold laundry from the night before (washing & drying).
9:00p - Go out to garage and give hubby kiss goodnight and he gets upset because I'm not out there working on MY project car with him & going to bed instead.
10:00p - Hubby comes in, takes a shower, and wants some lovin... Gets shut down if he was no help (which is common).

I have to tell my husband all the time... 'You want anything from me, you have to stop drinking beer right now and come in and help me out!'

And it's not that I don't want it too... But I can go to sleep without... : )

No one is screaming in my house, but we are EXTREMELY scheduled. Even when my son was around 8mos old, we had him on a schedule... Yes, that means even when he awoke for food and diaper change. I managed to set that by waking him up just before I went to bed to feed and change him... He fell right back to sleep when we were done. I've always been the one that got up with both kids... Whether with my ex or with my hubby now.

With my ex it was World of Warcraft and StarTrek... With my hubby now, it's MY car, his motorcycle, and beer.

I gotta say I agree with Lesley S. and Michelle G. Which of the kids are boys? Have hubby put those kids to bed.

I know this is off the topic, but per one recent comment, PLEASE don't lock your kids in their rooms. They are not animals, they are people. I think kids would have nightmares for the rest of their lives about being locked in their bedrooms at night. I would only use this as a last resort for a safety issue such as sleep walkiing. What if they have to go to the bathroom or need mommy for something in the middle of the night?

Up at 6 isn't that early, he should be able to help in the evenings. My husband is up at 6 and home and 430, 3 days a week, the other days he works till midnight, with maybe a few hours of break between 430 and 630. On the nights that he is home he helps me out a ton. You have three kids under 4, you really need his help!