1/2 Rant, 1/2 Need Ideas on How to Respond

I never noticed that one, so true, "if you think about it..." IS kinda implying you haven't already thought about it, How rude!

But what they are really trying to say is "if you think about THIS way" or "if you look at it from this other angle"... just shortening it.

What Patricia said, basically.

In casual, conversational American English, there are usages where "you" doesn't really mean "you," as in "I, Mira, am speaking to you, Shannon." It can just as easily mean, "someone, anyone, a generic person." In this case, the person probably means "well, if *I* think about it," but people feel like they sound egocentric or self-involved if they overuse the pronoun "I." "You" feels more casual and also more inclusive.

BUT, if it bothers you, it bothers you. Everyone has things like that. I, for example, hate it when people use my name. For no good reason! But I hate it like poison. When I get those political/fundraising emails that put my name in everywhere they can -- I HATE that.

So, it's fine to feel that way. But it does sound like a personal pet peeve, the kind everyone has.

Well I am sitting here scratching my head because for a specific approach I have started my response with, well if you think about it. It is just another way of saying if you follow my logic, this is my take on it, here is what I think.... It is in no way meant to imply the person thinks you haven't thought about it! It only means the person thinks you haven't thought about it the way they are currently thinking about it.

So I am scratching my head trying to figure out why you take this as an affront to your thought process. That implication is all in your head, why?

Everyone has pet peeves. I HATE when people say "I could care less." ...well, duh. If you care at all, you could care less. The correct phrase is "I COULDN'T care less."

Ugh.

Anyway, for your pet peeve, a good response could be, "But, I was raised in 'Murica. I never think about it!" (Make sure to use your very best sarcastic hick voice.) ;)

Well, I'd say pick your battles on this one.

Do you want to avoid hearing their annoying "catchphrase" or do you want to solve whatever problem you are attending to?

I'd say, start the conversation being as solution-oriented as possible, whenever you can. I find that sometimes, instead of asking an open-ended question ("what should I do in this situation?"), it is helpful to find the two best solutions in YOUR perspective and then say "Hey, I want to bounce an idea off you. If you were in my position, would you go with A or B options?" and go from there.

I'd also suggest that you not personalize that pesky phrase and remember, it's likely not directed at you, but how the person is verbally processing the problem. I, myself, have a difficult time multi-tasking and so if I'm working through a problem someone else has brought to me, I may be so focused on the train of thought that I am not thinking "be sure not to imply they are stupid or didn't think about it"... it's likely that I'm trying to talk myself through various perspectives on the situation and don't think they are being thoughtless at all.

So, address the phrase if it's really a show-stopper for you, but remember that if you shoot someone down for HOW they answer a question, that may be a showstopper for them: they might not want to be asked in the future.

I use that phrase all the time, and it's to say, if you look at it like this, or follow this logic, or go down this path....this is what you see. It is a phrase to invite another way. It doesn't imply no thought, it rather highlights a logical or a perspectival shift.

When I use it, I then go on to elaborate on something. I would think an effective response would be a response to the other persons suggestion. It really isn't about you.

I don't run into this too much, but I think the "you" is a GENERAL you and not a specific reference to you personally. I think you might be hearing the "you" as referring to YOU, but I don't think it is. So no response necessary.

Ugh.
It's just a trigger phrase for you. Doesn't bother me and I'm sure I say it too!
Just wanted to add my extreme dislike of a certain persons (another mom) use if "do you understand?" Over. And. Over. And. Over.
Makes me want to scream every time! It's just her mannerism, catch phrase though...
But once you zero in on it, ya sure do notice it, every time, right?!

"Yes, actually I have thought about that, and I still believe that XXX"

It's just filler - it doesn't really mean anything and it doesn't imply what you think it does because the people who say it never really thought about it - they just blurt it out - you can safely blank it out of your mind and ignore it.
Ignoring it is the best response.

S. W., last month I posted my pet (phrase) peeve. It's when someone said, "I'm sure"... I got beat up on for being 'petty,.

I'm glad that you haven't faced that wrath.

In answer to you question, I think that "if you think about it" is a filler. They are buying time to think then speak.

But, I agree with the advice to say, "I have thought about it" or jump the gun and say "I been thinking about such and such, so before you tell me to think about it" ....

Try to ignore it. I say it and mean no harm or criticism. It's mainly giving ME time to think about it... But if someone came to me and said, "Can you look at this? I thought about it and xyz..." The fact you clearly said you thought about it would subconsciously remove it from my mind as a thing to say. So maybe try that.

We all have pet peeves but sometimes they are not in proportion to the crime, lol. You could say, I have thought about it. But that seems kind of petty.

My pet peeve with hubby? I will tell him something and he will rhetorically, question, Really?
Sometimes, according to how it hits me, I will answer, No, I'm lying.
That's kind of petty, too.

well, i hear ya. it got way over-hammered during the last election cycle, and it will again, and that's where i got sick of it. all these memes ending with 'think about it', as if no one has before, because clearly everyone who 'thinks about it' will draw EXACTLY the same conclusions as you.
but of course, most people who say it don't really think it through to that degree. it's just a verbal tic, a way to intro or close the thought they're trying to get across. unless you're truly vexed with them and want to annihilate 'em with a good snark, there's no need to come up with an effective response. i try to save my true ire for people who are deliberately trying to be assholey.
don't always succeed.
:) khairete
S.

This is a figure of speech like a million others. It's not literal. But if you hate it, then snap back, "I DID THINK ABOUT IT!!!!" and watch them be all like,.."Huh?..oh, I know I didn't really mean you didn't think about it, it was just a figure of speech..."

IMHO when someone says that, they are going to offer an opinion different than your own so what they're really saying is 'if you think of it this way, blah, blah, blah. You have seen the issue from your own point of view; they are offering another.

Well, if you think about it, the person telling you this is not meaning you offense so why let it bother you at all?

All that means is here's another idea you can think about. If you think about it....this way. That doesn't mean You are stupid and not thought of this brilliant idea...

I don't like the phrase I couldn't care less too.

Updated

All that means is here's another idea you can think about. If you think about it....this way. That doesn't mean You are stupid and not thought of this brilliant idea...

I don't like the phrase I couldn't care less too.

I read your SWH and agree that you might find it helpful to look within to see why that particular choice of words is so bothersome to you. We do have our reasons for these things. In the meantime--depending on who it is--you can interrupt them and say that you can't move beyond hearing that phrase and ask them to either not say it to you or be prepared to hit a wall with you when that comes out. If they care about effective communication and want ot be heard, they'll choose differently. No, you cannot control other people, but having this type of revelation aloud is just the type of "natural consequence" situation that leads to people being more aware of what they say to others. We should all have such an opportunity to hear from others just how they are affected by how we choose to speak. There's no fault; it's just communication, and communication goes both ways.

ETA: I hate the overuse of the "general you". What does that even mean? I only use the word when I mean YOU, either singular or plural. I mean, either it's you or it's not you. How in the world did we find an in-between? There are certain understandings that are built into words and phrases. Using them all haphazardly creates more confusion and then forces people to have to always elaborate and clarify. Ugh.

Kind of off subject, but your rant reminded me of my pet peeve. When someone says "you didn't know that???". Uh, nope. In fact, that's why I asked what it was/is, etc. Boils my blood!

See? We all have those buttons! Hope that makes you feel better!

Well, if you think about it, it's just an English idiom. It doesn't necessarily mean anything...

Sorry - had to say that!

This goes along with what sometimes people say to my husband about his name when they meet him for the first time. They think they've misheard him. They say "Oh, you mean xxxxx." Then he says "No, I mean yyyyy." They look at him with a blank look for a moment, and then all of a sudden they are embarrassed about what they said to him, as if he doesn't know how to pronounce his own name.

They don't MEAN to be rude. They just don't say things right.

In order for me to give you my opinion if you should be offended, I need to know what you and this person were talking about. I am guessing that this person probably was not implying you are stupid, however, until I know what you were talking about, I cannot give you my best advice. Feel free to PM me if you'd like.