Would You Feel Weird?

Updated on February 14, 2012
E.J. asks from Lincoln, NE
36 answers

My close friend "Sara" and I were talking. She is going out of town for a month very soon. I told her that this weekend I had tickets to a hockey game and I don't know who to take. I joked that I would go solo and use the other seat for my coat and purse. Anyway, I told her that I don't really have any friends to go w/and that I don't know if I want to make it a date or not. You know how it goes... dates can be awkward at times and I just want to have fun and enjoy the game.

She suggested I take "Bill" her husband since she will be out of town. She was 100% serious. They have a GREAT marriage and I can't see anything shaking their bond. I have gone out to dinner w/them before etc. I would never forsake our friendship and I know that Bill would never do anything out of the interest of friendship. I think it's amazing the trust and the relationship that they have. But... I just kinda laughed and said that Bill is my back up plan.

So... I guess I felt like, even though she suggested it and it would 100% platonic and it's just a hockey game, that it would be inappropriate. I mean I guess I'd feel like we were doing something bad even though she would completely know etc. I fully believe that males and females can be friends and I do have some male friends, but they don't have a signficant other that I was friends with first.

So... would you think it was weird? Would you send your husband out and about with your friend given the circumstances that it's totally platonic?

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So What Happened?

I did a tally and out of 35 responses I have 11 saying it's weird/inappropriate and I have 24 saying not weird.

You Mamas have some great points. Bill and I have talked about hockey before and I think that's why Sara may have said something b/c she's not interested in it. As some have pointed out it's not as if we would be going all the time, he's filling an empty seat. I will definitely have Sara mediate and ask her if she thinks he'd like to go. I think you have some great points that I think she is thinking he will be lonely with her and the kids gone. She will already be gone, so I can't take her and I love hockey so there is no way I'm giving the tickets to Bill.

I feel better knowing so many wives wouldn't think anything of it. I agree that it would be like going with a brother in law or a cousin or something. I am going to extend the invite to Bill and have a good time and enjoy the game.

"Thanks for all your thoughts Mamas!!!!

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I would not have an issue with it. Unless I were secretly attracted to him. If there is no attraction it would be like going with a brother or cousin.

6 moms found this helpful
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L.F.

answers from San Francisco on

I would feel weird. Its great that they have that kind of relationship, but I wouldn't be able to be comfortable at the game. If they both came-no problem. But not just the hubby. Take a girlfriend or go alone.

6 moms found this helpful
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S.D.

answers from St. Louis on

I think its weird that so many think it's weird. Unless you don't really know her husband (and my good friends all know my hubby well) My friends are his friends too...I wouldn't have an issue with it.

5 moms found this helpful

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S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

yes its wierd. don't do it... even if your friend was serious, she might feel weird about it later if her hubby raves about what a great time he had. plus it might be just awkward. it just sounds like not a good idea!

7 moms found this helpful

A.C.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Ya know, I would say don't do it.
We used to be close friends with another couple. I trusted them and I trusted my husband. My husband worked out of town for 2 years and this couple was generous and allowed my husband to stay at their home over nights 2-3 times a week during that 2 year period so he would not have to drive the 2 hour commute to our home (we were trying to sell our home to be near his work but it took forever!) Anyway, so their house was like his 2nd home, and they were really like family to us. And of course due to the situation, it was only natural that they would do grocery shopping together or errands together sometimes, or even go do fun things like the movies or eating out. But it really ended up not being a good thing. It seemed innocent, and I am sure it was, in truth, but when your husband is off doing grocery shopping and dates with another woman, while you are stuck working or tending to the kids or whatever, it is not good. The intimacy and bond created by spending time together has the makings of an affair. Even if you are super close and would never intentionally hurt each other and have 100% trust, there is just too big a risk.
Find someone else to take...one of your kids, a friend, or go by yourself, or just give "Bill" both tickets so he can go with a pal. This is not a risk worth taking.

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J.K.

answers from Kansas City on

I'd feel kinda weird too, and I'd feel REALLY weird if my husband did it. Funny huh? I'd just go with your instinct, you said you'd feel inappropriate. You never know, maybe your instinct is telling you something!!!

5 moms found this helpful
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D..

answers from Charlotte on

Not weird at all. It's not a date. You're watching a game. The difference is that you actually know the person sitting in the seat beside you, and it's not your purse and coat.

Give her the ticket and let him show up. Then tell him goodbye after the game. He will appreciate it. If he offers to pay for the ticket, let him buy you popcorn and a drink instead.

Dawn

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

I would send my husband as a companion for a friend, male or female, to an event I know he'd enjoy. He would, likewise, send me to an event he knows I would enjoy. (Our 30th anniversary is next month, and we are deeply committed to each other.)

You "just want to have fun and enjoy the game." If you are reasonably sure that this man simply wants the same thing, it should be fine.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

I've gone to games, field trips w/ the kids, playdates, cooked dinners with my friends husbands all the time... when their husbands are *also* friends AND "Just to be nice / keep an eye on them/ give them a hand" when my girlfriends are traveling for work.

(Keeping an eye on them = seeing if there's anything they need or would like a hand with while their wife is away... not spying type.)

None of this has ever been remotely romantic. Not romantic = not weird.

5 moms found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Houston on

It might seem strange because you don't really know him that well. She obviously trusts him and you so no biggie I say!

My husbands friends come over sometimes because they are my friends as well. I've also had some of my friends do things with my husband.

As long as we are talking about loyal people then I see no problem with it.

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M.P.

answers from Houston on

I do think it would be very weird and even I trust in my husband and friends I would not feel comfortable with my friend going out to a game with my husband.... totally in appropriate....

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A.G.

answers from Boston on

I would do it. I wouldn't think it was weird at all.

4 moms found this helpful
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J.L.

answers from Chicago on

Yep, I'd feel weird. Just don't go there.....You never want to put doubt in anyone's mind ever. If it were my husband going I wouldn't like it.

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Oh Take Bill. You will both have a great time, you already know him, he is a friend, no strings attached.

I have gone out with my hubby's best friend and he has gone out with mine.
There is nothing wrong with it and nothing romantic.
Have a great time.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Take Bill - you asked her first and she suggested it. It's not a date - he's filling a seat. Have fun!

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

I'd feel too weird. I would not be comfortable in that situation. If your're comfortable being there by yourself and want to go, I'd go alone. If you wouldn't enjoy yourself solo, and have exhausted your other options in finding someone to go with, I'd offer both tickets to Bill, just to be nice and make other plans for myself.

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M.K.

answers from Columbus on

Is it weird? Kind of but not totally! Would I FEEL weird?? YES!!! Depending on the relationship you all have. I, personally, would be very uncomfortable being alone with any of my friend's husbands, even tho we are all good friends.

Now, on the other hand, my husband has been out with my friend twice (that I can remember) without me or her husband being along. He knows a lot about computers, I don't, so I gave my blessing for the two of them to go shopping for one. The other time it was some sporting event that they took our kids to; I'm not into sports, so again, I gave my blessing. I know I can totally trust my husband and friend so it didn't bother me at all.

I think it just comes down to how comfortable you would be. And if he puts the moves on you, then that's his stupidity, not yours!!!!

Good luck and have fun!!!

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V.M.

answers from Cleveland on

i say it feels weird number one and it just looks bad, personally I care what other people think about my family and my friends and most likely you and bill would not be given the chance to explain that the wife was ok with it. and really i bet she wouldn't be ok if you continued to go on dates with Bill, so why do this. Go alone or with another friend but i wouldnt' recommend this.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Take Bill. You might feel weird at first, but that will fade and you'll have a good time.

3 moms found this helpful

K.L.

answers from Sacramento on

Nope, I don't think its weird. My husband and my best friend have gone out without me more than a few times! They were on a kickball team together, and had drinks afterward sometimes. They've also gone to an NBA game together, bc i couldn't go with her. To us, its not just my husband and my friend, they are friends in their own right. I don't find it odd, mostly because I trust both of them, and it would just be like going out with any other friend of the same gender...

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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

My best friend and my husband have been to a concert together before without me. They wanted me to go, but I really wasn't up for it and told them I didn't care if they went. I wouldn't care if they went to a hockey game either! I would find it weird if it happened all the time and especially if one of them kept coming up with stuff for them to do without me, but it never does. I would think this one time would be fine, but if it will make you uncomfortable -don't do it.

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T.V.

answers from San Francisco on

AFTER READING MORE RESPONSES:

In the case where a mama went out with her friend's spouse AND all the respective children from both families...that's a little different.

In the case of the many mama's who would go out with their friend's husbands, to me is a testimony on one of the many contributing factors of the divorce rate in our world today.

Temptation is always lurking around the corner, just waiting for a fight between a couple, followed by hurt feelings, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy or neglect, loneliness, and the feeling that "the grass is greener, etc."....So I say why invite temptation when you don't have to?

Either find a date other then Bill, give Bill the tickets and let him take a buddy, or sell the tickets online.

It is asking for trouble going out alone with someone else's spouse, unless its your blood brother or sister whose spouse may be out of town. Like it or not someone sees you and the tongues start wagging!

Blessings...

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I know people that do this ALL the time. It won't be "weird" if you don't make it weird! Go and have fun!
My BFF has season Steelers tickets, and, although it's never happened, I wouldn't think twice if she asked my husband to go to a game (she already knows I'm not all that interested--would rather watch from home.) Actually, I think she has offered, but he's like me--rather be warm & dry!

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A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

Yep, I would do it. I don't think it's at all weird. I would be pleased that my husband wouldn't be home all alone and lonely while I was gone. I don't think it's inappropriate at all - you will be in a public venue (it's not like you'll be sharing a hotel room!) Your friend is obviously secure in her marriage, so I would invite Bill and then you'll have someone to talk to at the game.

3 moms found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

It completely depends upon the three of you. I have a couple of female friends that I wouldn't think TWICE about saying: Hey--take my husband. He would love to go to that event. I have one or two (at most) friends that I think would feel the same way about me taking their husbands to an event.

There are others, that there is no WAY I would do that.
If you and she have been friends for YEARS and you are comfortable hanging out with her husband for 2 hours (can discuss the game and say things like "gotta hit the ladies room, hold my seat/beer"), he has never given you ANY reason whatsoever to think he might be uncomfortable around you or finds you attractive enough TO HIM to be distracting or awkward... then go ahead.
But here's the thing. Do NOT pick him up at home, or have him pick you up at home. Do MEET somewhere just prior to the game. Don't eat out before or go for drinks after. Either meet at the venue (just outside since you have the tickets) or somewhere mutually convenient on the way to the venue, so that you only have one parking fee and don't have to walk out alone.

2 moms found this helpful

A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I would have no issues with it! But, you already do and that would could mean no fun for you if you can't let it go!

2 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

I agree w/ Dawn. Nothing to feel weird about. My husband was out of town w/ my son on a Boy Scout camping trip. I wanted to go get pizza from my favorite pizza place but it is a long drive. He suggested I take "Russ". An old family friend of his who at the time was staying w/ my inlaws. He's divorced. He is like an older brother to me and hubby. We went and had a nice time.

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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I don't think it would be weird. However, I've never been in that position.

2 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

Depends on how well I got along with said husband. My friends Sara and my husband are huge Chiefs fans. If they went to a game together, I wouldn't care.

Honestly, there is only one friends husband I might even consider taking out, he likes the same books and has the same interests as me, all the others...well let's just say if my friends weren't married to them, we probably wouldn't speak

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R.D.

answers from Richmond on

Heck yeah!! I've gone to dinner with my BFFs husband before, she was out of town, my husband was out of town, all our kids wanted to get together, everyone kept complimenting us on our large family, LMAO!!

My husband has also taken my BFF out. No big deal, not weird at all. She is the only female in existence that has my blessing to kiss my husband, LOL!! (And she'd never kiss him on his mouth, ew! They're like siblings!!)

When my other best friend broke off her engagement, her ex-fiance was in Iraq. He called me and asked me to do him a huge favor and take the ex fiancé out to make sure he was okay. Since my friend had been with this guy for 7 years and my loyalty was obviously to HER, THAT was a wee bit awkward, but not at all inappropriate.

If you like her husband, like you're friendly, I'd go for it! No awkward first date bullish!t with someone new, just a familiar, friendly face who loves the game as much as you do! You're probably doing her a huge favor too, so she doesn't have to hear him whine that he's bored without her ;)

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K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

I can see how you might feel it is kind of weird...but I would not have a problem with my BFF going out with my husband because I trust him and I trust her. I do have a few women friends that I would NOT want my husband going out with without me just because I know them and their *need* to be the center of attention and their flirty nature. I actually have 1 acquaintance (not BFF, not even someone I would consider a friend obviously) who has admitted getting a charge out of getting married men to hit on her! So there are some woman out there like this and we all know it!

But if your friend is comfortable with it and her husband is comfortable with it I do not see a problem with it.

I would go.

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A.S.

answers from Boca Raton on

I would give both the tix to Bill and let him take a guy friend.

I would not feel comfortable going alone with my friend's husband (I wouldn't tell her that though).

JMO.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.F.

answers from Utica on

I would send my husband out with a friend of mine yes. Especially knowing the friend that I am suggesting go with him. We have neighbour friends that we are pretty close with and I am very very pregnant now so over the past few months I suggested a few timew that he take her and not me to certain things because I just wasnt up for it - he never went without me but still he and I both would be fine with it

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W.R.

answers from Roanoke on

It wouldn't seem weird to me. If you don't have anyone else to go with, I would call HER and ask if she really thinks he would like to go. Then let her ask him. I used to work with all men so I am used to going to lunch, events, etc. with men who are friends. Once my husband was out of town and the wife of a couple we were good friends with was out of town, and there was a monthly wine tasting we all went to. I went with the husband, and no one thought anything of it. I would never go if the wife wasn't okay with it, but your friend was the one who suggested it.

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L.D.

answers from Dallas on

Sure! My husband would love to go to a hockey game. But if YOU feel weird, that is what matters.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

I do not find it weird at all. You are all friends. Ho and have fun.

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