Would This Bother You???!!! - Rush City,MN

You can choose to be bothered by this, or choose to be thankful people care this much about you. Always choose to be thankful.

Nope. I had a similar benefit to raise money when I had cancer and I found it very helpful for people to do this for me. They probably thought they were helping. It seems funny to me that anyone would be upset about something like this. They were doing their job. Say thank you!!!!!!

Yes you are, it would have been nice if they waited, but, what if no one organized the event? Where would you be right now?

Blessings.....

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Don't take offense where none was intended. Choose to let go of your anger, and choose to be extremely thankful you have friends like these.

This is a tough one. Generally speaking, the action would totally bother me and I understand why you are frustrated and upset by it.

However, I think other posters are right...they were excited, wanted to know how successful it was, etc...and you do have so much to be grateful for, for what they have done for your family.

Back to the flip side...yes, they ought to have waited for you to do it yourself, or really (I think) YOU ought to have taken the donation box home. It belonged to your family.

You aren't wrong to be bothered by it, but I wouldn't make it an issue with your friends because although what they did was (I feel) technically wrong, it was with a good heart and your thankfulness ought to overshadow anything else.

Praying your daughter is healthy and well.

If they just opened the cards to get the grand total, then no it wouldn't bother me. I have volunteered for a few non profits and we always did that...even if our fundraiser was for one family. We didn't read the cards though, but we needed to get the grand total to circulate a flyer thanking everyone and letting them know how the turn out was.

I'd be bothered too. But not so bothered that I let it overshadow that my friends did a very kind and generous thing for me in a time of need. Unless you're concerned that they took some of the money or something like that, I'd chalk it up to a moment or two of being uncouth and let it go.

Hope your LO is better.

I think they were so excited by their 'successful' fundraiser and they wanted to quantify just how successful it was. I don't think they meant any ill will by it. While I completely understand your frustration, I think you need to let it go and thank them for organizing the event.

Please don't be bothered by this. They organized the benefit and saw it through to end. I think they were very organized to document the donations. Never in a million years do I think they are embezzeling the donations for your ill daughter to go towards their wedding. You have told them how you felt, move on and be thankful for such a nice couple and the donations.

**Edit - Yes, I know you didn't accuse them of stealing. It was from a previous response.

I'm sure their intentions were good and that they thought they were being helpful. Just let it go.

I think there intentions were good, but I would probably be slightly bothered by it too. It would've been better to wait and have you open them with you and they could do the tally while you and your family went through the cards. But, I think I also see where they probably thought it wasn't a big deal because it was supposed to be about raising money and they were probably overly excited to see how much was raised

We had a fund raiser once and there was one person who kept calling and saying they had received no notice/thank you note from the family that the donation was received by the people it was meant for. Since the total donation had been handed to the recipients we had no records of who had donated or how much. They didn't even use the money for what it was meant for. Their bills were not paid. They used the money for whatever.

So, I think it was good of them to record each donation. I would have kept a copy of it then given you the cards, checks, etc...plus a copy of the inventory. It saves time and effort if anyone every tried to audit either family.

If an organization had done this for you they would have had the checks made out to them and they would have paid a check to the hospital directly and then handed you the cards.

I think you need to let this go and decide to be thankful instead of finding fault with someone who did such a wonderful thing for you and your family.

it's a tad unorthodox that they opened the cards but since they did the organizing it was their call. I'm sure they wanted to tally the funds and put it all into one lump sum and make it easier for you guys. be thankful. the cards were mailed to thier address obviously, so I'm sure the senders knew how it was going to be handled. You are blessed to have friends that cared :)

I'm just really taken aback. They organized this whole benefit for you, collected money for you, and you are upset about cards? Perhaps because they were the hosts they wanted to write thank you notes. Or they wanted to see how much was raised, or...? I just can't wrap my mind around the pettiness of being bothered by something so minor. You should be overwhelmed by gratitude!

Best of luck to your family.

it's a bit odd, but since their hearts are obviously in the right place i would totally decide to assume that they were just trying to take one more task off your shoulders.
let go of the resentment, hold onto the gratitude.
khairete
S.

Would it bother me? Maybe a little bit...I think I would have been disappointed. BUT, chances are they did it to try to keep things organized and to help you out (that way the envelopes were recycled, the donation amounts written in the cards, everything tallied, etc. and all you had to do was enjoy the cards and see what was given) It does not sound like they did this in any way to be selfish or malicious. I'd take a deep breath, and give thanks that you have a friend like this!
I hope things are going well now and that your baby is doing well.

rude, yes...but unfortunately you're not in a position to say anything. just try to be gracious. maybe they were just so excited to be helpful they got carried away.

I can totally see why this would bother you, because they were intended for you and because you didn't expect that to happen.

However, as an outside observer, I don't think it was meant to offend you. I would guess that these folks were being organized, and maybe a little bit on the control-freak side. They just knew all along that this is how they would set it up, and they would be able to give you all a total when they saw you, as well as make sure there was a list of who contributed what.

So while I can see how you felt it was a bit jarring to have everything opened, I would just remember the loving spirit with which the whole event was planned. The right intentions were there, the details were just a little bumpy! Good luck to you and your family.

Yes, I think you are wrong to be bothered. After all they've done for you, to assume they are being extremely rude because of a questionable decision, seems ungrateful to me. If I were one of them, I'd be bothered and hurt knowing this is how you felt after all the hard work I put in for the benefit of your family. I'm very surprised you feel this way. Perhaps since they have put themselves out like this for you, they feel very close to you so didn't even consider the issue of privacy. I'm not sure what people would write in a card that you wouldn't want them to see - if they even read them. Likely they were just eager to see how much money they raised to give to you.

Oh my, yes that was very rude, and very inappropriate on their part. I don't know how else you could have handled this...you already told them you didn't appreciate them opening the cards. I suppose you can do nothing else at this point. Very rude indeed.

Even though they did a wonderful act of kindness by helping you, yes, it would bother me too!!!! It is definately like they opened your mail! The cards were addressed to you and they should have minded their own damn business! It makes me wonder if they took some money. I bet they did - otherwise why else would they have opened the cards??? Also, I don't understand why they took the cards home with them instead of giving it to you to take home??

Okay, I just re-read your post and noticed that these "friends" of yours are engaged. Are they short on money? I bet they took some money to help pay for their wedding!!!!!!! I think they definately stole some of your donations because nothing else makes sense why they took it home instead of giving it to you to take home. These people are not your real friends. Keep your distance from them in the future. Best wishes to your baby!

They were being practical and wanting to report the totals. It would bother me because the cards were meant for you and I would wonder if they took some of the cash.

I would let it go. Although they should NOT of opened your mail. Without them you would not have that $$$ to pay off your daughter medical bills. Next time politely decline when they ask to bring it home.
I will pray for your daughter.

I'd have been surprised and a little bothered, because usually when cash is being counted, it's simply a good practice to have an independent observer present, too. This is the practice in every church I've known that takes collections, and banks ALWAYS have two tellers count any cash in the night deposit envelopes.

However, the deed is done. And it sounds like they did keep a record of how much money was included in each envelope. I don't know what you can do about it after the fact, other that to express your surprise. Be sure to acknowledge specific amounts in your thank-you notes to attendees. If anything irregular happened with the cash donations, it will probably become apparent at some point.

Chances are very good that your friend was simply doing everything in his power to make it all as easy for you as possible, knowing how stressful your medical experiences have been. He may have been irresistably curious about how well "his" event went, and clueless about how his "help" might hit you. I'd thank him sincerely, and move on.

Yes tacky and rude! why did they need to know the total anyway?

No -I would be extremely bothered by it as well. However, it was really nice of them to organize the benefit, and they probably thought they were helping you out by doing that, so I would let it go -but it is a bit weird and it would bother me too!

I would be bothered because their may have been a personal message to your family that was meant for only you guys. I do have to say that you must have a great friend for her to organize the benefit for your family. I hope your daughter is doing well!

(((hugs)))

I too would be bothered. Unfortunately there is not much you can do but enjoy the gifts you received. Hope your daugther is doing well.