that taking the Kiddo to a restaurant is NOT fun for me? Ever?
No - it's not a "date" we're talking about; I'm talking about a family event at a BYOB restaurant (not expensive, family-friendly)... but Kiddo is 4. And dinner is at 7 PM. Kiddo goes to bed around 8 PM. And yes, Kiddo is "invited" and welcome to come. BUT... it's the end of a workday for me, and ALL I want to do is have some nice adult talk, a glass of wine (without it getting spilled on my lap) and to EAT a dinner without having to wrestle somebody into their seat every 15 seconds, while repeating the words "EAT.YOUR.FOOD" an infinite number of times.
My husband's answer is: "Then, let me handle him." Fine. But, see, the problem with THAT is that ultimately, the Kiddo wants Mommy. And it's not relaxing to try to sit and eat, basically ALONE, while Daddy and Kiddo have to retreat to the lobby, or the men's room, or the car, for a Timeout, after there is a tantrum or some other outburst that requires discipline.
YES. I want KJF to learn to act like a person in restaurants. YES. I want him to appreciate "fine dining". YES. He is almost 5, and should have a grasp of how to behave at table. But, NO, I don't want him to accompany us every time. How do I explain this to the Hubby without it sounding like whining on my part? Does anyone else deal with this?
I checked with my mom (who invited us to go... it's my parent's 40th Anniversary), and she said that, while she LOVES to have KJF come along, she knows that I "would have a better time if we got a sitter."
Guess it's pretty obvious that the Kiddo stresses me out in restaurants.
Sent a message to the Hubby, asking him to make the calls for the sitter, and hoping we can still get one this late in the game.
Thanks for the feedback. It's nice to know I'm not the only Mom who wants distance from the kids once in a while.
You said a mouthful sister. Amen!
BTW -- I loooove the "I will help out" or "I will be in charge of them tonight". It never ever works out that way. It is impossible for moms NOT to react to, engage with, and help their kids when they are sitting 2 feet away. = )
Put it in the ' I want time with you, my husband' and then also work on how the child behaves at dinner at home. It takes time to train a child - I still have to work onnot putting my elbows on the table!
So, start with consistency at home - only eating while seated at a table (no walking around with food, no eating in front of the tv). Then only have 3 meals and 2 snacks a day at set times (vaguely) - like 10am and 3pm. Teach him he has to stay seated to eat. If he gets up, he is done eating until the next meal time. Period. No exceptions. He will not starve, but he will learn manners.
You can do it!
I agree with Red. Dealing with child behavior is part of being a mom... Your son is part of your family, so he should be allowed to come when the family goes out to eat. But not every time! there is no reason you can't set up a babysitter and have a date night every once in a while. I became an instant mom to 4 kids 3 years ago, (they were 6, 4, 3, and 1!) when my sister and her husband were killed in a wreck. Hubby and I had only been married for 2 years, so we NEEDED date nights. But we also thoroughly enjoyed our family 'dates' too.
YES -I don't get it either. My husband also hates being in restaurants with our kids, yet he constantly suggests it and gets pissed when I don't want to go. I'm a believer in teaching kids how to behave in restaurants, and my 4 year old is actually fine 99% of the time now, but the 2 year old can still be a pain. It's not always like that, but a lot of the time I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE IT. I don't want to deal with it if they DO act up. I've started just refusing to go if I'm not up for it. I tell him -if you want to go eat in a restaurant with them tonight -have at it. I would love a little time to myself!
You should set up a date night, so that you can have an adult dinner without kiddo. Heck, go once a week if you can afford it. Or maybe see if you can do a 'girls night out' for dinner with some of your girlfriends. Then the times out with kiddo won't seem so bad...
Since dinner is so close to your kid's bedtime, I would get a sitter. One thing my husband I always agreed on was to keep the kids on schedule - especially when they were younger.
Yes, he should learn how to act in a restaurant, blah, blah blah. BUT, the kids is only 4 and all kids are different. If the mealtime was earlier, I would say go ahead, but since it is so late, I would get a sitter and that's what I would say to my husband.
Good luck!
I agree whole heartedly with everything you said. You should make a deal with your husband, you get to choose the one time a month, week, day, etc. when you want to have 'your' time to go, without your son. The same thing has happens to me, now I just prefer to not go to the restaurant and have my husband bring something back. By the time they come back my kids will be napping or in bed and I can enjoy the meal without the constant pull. Hope you find your solution and good luck.
In our house we handle it this way: It's Daddy's turn right now, go ask him. Repeat as often as necessary. Start this off at home, in the evening when ds wants you but dh has offered/volunteered/been assigned whatever task it is that ds needs help with. By the time your dinner comes along ds will be used to this and will leave you alone, for the most part - kids learn quick but still push limits.
DH travels for work, in fact he's gone for a week right now. So when he gets home it's his turn to experience the joys he missed while he was gone :) The kids were/are so used to me doing everything that I didn't get a break even when I was home, even when dh wanted to give me a break. So I just started telling them "Mommy's off duty now, it's Daddy's turn, go talk to him". I know, I know, Mom's aren't ever really 'off', but it lets me catch my breath a bit and - it works!
All I can say is Amen Sisters!!! I totally here you!! I love take out or cooking at home and the kiddos can do whatever the h**l they want at home....I so enjoy the times when I can go out to dinner without the whinning and complaining about crayons falling..sibs not sharing, milk spilling or not liking what's on the menu. Yep kids need to learn to behave while going out but......it is nice when you have a babysitter etc..and can go out and be an adult....DH will just have to understand that and if he doesn't oh well....Let him take kiddo out while you go do your thing LOL!
Is this an invited dinner with friends?
Dont' go. Tell hubby to take the child and that you seriously love him and kiddo but that you do not want to be stressed out again.
Tell hubby he is not listening to you and is not being attentive to your needs. Be consistent and he will get it.
I'm wondering why your husband is so reluctant to let grandma or some other trusted adult watch the kiddo so you both can enjoy a nice evening out. 7 P.M. is a late dinner for a child. Shoot, it's even late for me but like you said, his bedtime is 8 P.M. I would make arrangements to have someone watch him and go out and have that nice evening you deserve. Hubby will get over it. One should hope, anyway.
It's a family event, just go.
Learning table manners starts at home. I love the quote, "it takes a village to raise a child", so true. Let your husband take him to the lobby or discipline, in fact, do it together. Also, give your child food before you go. Then you don't have to rag on him every 15 seconds about eating his food and you can enjoy your meal.
It doesn't sound like this should be as a big of a deal as it is. Yes, you are going to be tired and all. But, this is for a one time event.
Now, if this happens frequently, then I can see why you are perturbed. Explain to your husband you want a relaxing evening, and while you enjoy your son, you won't be able to relax, and you really need that child free evening out a few times a month.
If you are intent on your child not being there, then simply tell your husband you want adult time with him and everyone else and can you please get a sitter, and if not, then you will be home that night enjoying some peace and quiet around the house.
Glad you're going on your own. The same thing happens with me ALL the time. We have three little ones, all under three. And they all want mommy. Talk about stress. Forget it. Once the third came around (3 months ago), we stopped going out. And I'm the one that has to deal with the outbursts too. Its so fun being mom sometimes :) LOL.
I just think some people just don't get it, especially men....with regards to the stress a momma goes through. We worry more, we pay attention more, we anticipate more, etc. etc.
I guess I would ask what your requirements are at home. Is he acting any different in the restaurant than you allow him to act at home? We practice, practice, practice at home. When they are in public settings, they do just fine. They know how to behave. We don't have a different set of requirements for them. We require our children to sit at the table, eat politely, and not get up and run around during meals. No difference regardless of where they are.
You are not wrong. Hubby may not want additional time away from your son, but occasionally, it really is fine to get a sitter! It's one thing for the 3 of you to go out to dinner together at the diner, but an adult dinner with a kid along means work. I think you need to point out to the husband exactly what you said here - that even if he is willing to be "in charge," your child will still make demands of you, and there will still be disciplinary things to deal with, and you are still there. Let him know that it's just not enjoyable or relaxing for you and that you do require some adult only socialization.
My husband used to try to convince me to take our kids on those kind of events too, and I told him no way. He was sure it would be perfectly fine and we'd have had a lovely time in a formal restaurant with an ADHD 4 year old when dinner started at her bedtime. He would have been wrong.
It probably is just too late to have your son out if he is used to being in bed by 8:00 but do you bring a lot of activities with you to keep him busy at the restaurant and do you tell him how you expect him to behave. We have always taken our kids to nice restaurants but we also had an expectation of how they would behave...by four or five they are certainly old enough to sit quietly while you eat.
can you compromise? how often is 'every time'? can you agree to take kiddo out once a week (or every 2 weeks, however often you can stand) but get dh to agree to an occasional parents-only dinner?
khairete
S.
what's wrong with a family dinner "alone"? i must ask, if he insists on taking care of the kiddo when you guys go, the LET HIM the minute you walk in that resturant door......say "he's all yours" and let him have at it, if you can get yourself to just ignore the situation when the baby starts "crying" or tantrum's you'll feel so much better, if you REALLY let your dh HANDLE IT ALL as he insits, then that might "talk" him into agreeing for that occasional adult only diner because he experiences full time hands on what you go through....he wont like it either and will want a break too :)
Yes, get a babysitter.
My kids are 2 and 5 so I've been juggling a baby or toddler that long. My 5 year old is too tired at 7 pm to have much self control (he also goes to bed at 8). He is a bit better if we go out for lunch or early dinner but sitting for a meal that takes an hour or more doesn't work. Bringing toys and snacks helps to a point but it is still "work" for you and not a relaxing night out. I think some fathers that are at work during the day don't realize that it is not a real break for you if the child is present.
