Why Can't My Daughter Fall Asleep at Night?

Updated on August 17, 2018
C.B. asks from Woodbury, CT
11 answers

My 11 year old daughter has trouble falling asleep. We have a yearly physical coming up, so I plan to discuss it with her doctor but was wondering if anyone has ever experienced this with their children. If yes, can you share some tips on what you did to help your child overcome this? Bedtime in our house is no later than 9pm, but she says she just lies in bed and doesn't fall asleep until 10.30pm / 11:00pm. We have tried reading and soft music, but it doesn't seem to help her fall asleep any sooner. Was wondering if there is anything else I should try.
Thank you in advance for your feedback!

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K.S.

answers from Seattle on

I also have struggled to fall asleep as a kid and as an adult. It's hard for me to let go of being awake and shut my brain down. One thing that is usually helpful is listening to a 20-25 minute meditation. There are two meditations I listen to ... it gives my brain something else to focus on without being stimulating.

3 moms found this helpful

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I find I can have trouble sleeping if I didn't get enough physical activity during the day.
Try to have her doing some running around in the afternoon.
Go for a hike, ride a bike, go swimming, etc.

For night time, have her room on the cool side, no screen time for 2 hours before bed - she can read a book if she wants.
Also - how much caffeine is she getting (cola or other soda, chocolate, etc)?
Cut out any caffeine if she's getting any and see if that helps.

5 moms found this helpful

C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

I was like this as a kid and as an adult...it takes me an hour or so to fall asleep. I'm jealous of my husband who falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow! One of our kids is like this. We tell her she can read for a while and then try again to fall asleep. That is what I do. In my opinion this is just how some people are.

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

Get her up earlier in the morning? Get her more physical exercise during the day? A nightly cup of tea? Spend early evening hours engaged in active outside activity? If she usually showers in the morning, try switching it up to evening, just to see if it relaxes her. Evening swimming can have the same effect, too, if you have access to a pool. Make sure her room temperature is cool enough for her to feel warm and snuggly under her covers. Don't give up on reading before bed, that's such a good habit, and it will eventually help her get sleepy naturally, even if it doesn't seem to right now. Ask her what she thinks about before she falls asleep. For people with anxiety, this is a very common time for worries to churn around. I wouldn't come right out as ask her if she is worried about anything, but an open ended question might lead to her sharing some things with you. If she is worried about anything, or just having trouble getting somethings off her mind, then you may be able to reassure her or help her with some steps to resolve things.

2 moms found this helpful

W.W.

answers from Washington DC on

C.

Routine helps.

My youngest son has sleep issues. Getting off the computer, TV, Electronics an hour before bed helps.

She's 11 years old. While 9PM sounds reasonable. Her body is not ready for that yet. Don't force it. Don't continually check on her.

Make sure she has exercised during the day.
A shower before bed CAN help - for some - showers wake them up.
White noise - like a fan - helps.

The routine is the most important part.

1 mom found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I've been dealing with this my whole life. It was REALLY bad during my tween/teen years. The only thing that helps me now is reading while laying down (not propped up at all) or being really, really, physically tired, like "I hiked 8 miles today" tired. White noise helps, especially my fan. I can also do some breathing exercises that I've learned in yoga but I'm not sure a kid would be into that. Sometimes I think if I could have any superpower it would be the ability to just. go. to. sleep.
ETA: also a long hot bath can be GREAT, and a warm drink!

1 mom found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

let her read in bed. half an hour of reading and then lights out!
khairete
S.

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G.♣.

answers from Springfield on

Is she still on summer break? What time is she getting up in the morning? If she's not getting up at 6:30 or 7:00 and is sleeping later, she probably doesn't need to be going to bed at 9:00.

School starts next week for us, but this week it's still summer vacation. We don't have morning activities, and the kids are sleeping in. They will, most certainly, be going to bed earlier Sunday night.

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J.K.

answers from Milwaukee on

I too have had trouble falling asleep since I was a child. I work with it rather than stress over it. I lay awake most nights for about an hour. I find it helpful to listen to relaxing music or meditations on my iPod (with earbuds so I don't disturb my husband - who is asleep moments after his head hits his pillow). I also use calming essential oils in a diffuser, A blend with Bergamot works for me. I have a diffuser with a remote and a timer option, which I set to go off in an hour. A warm bath before bed can be relaxing also. A bath bomb, or a few drops of Bergamot or Lavender essential oil would help to promote sleep. Adding this to an unscented lotion and applying to arms and neck is beneficial also.

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

It could just be how her body works. I feel like around 9 my daughter's habits did change and she can stay up much later now. Buuuuut... I still need her to go to her room/bed! We basically let my daughter stay up as long as she wants, but she has to be in her bed reading. She reads a ton and she loves it. She will sometimes stay up 30 minutes and she will sometimes stay up for two hours, but the basic rule is she can't get up and come talk to us (unless of course there's a real issue) and she has to be reading not playing. Her bed time is 8:30 during the school year but of course due to sports, school activities, etc. it's usually later when she actually gets in bed. She does have a hard time getting up in the morning, but it's sort of like oh well, natural consequence type thing, and really she does have a pretty good handle on how tired she is and when she should put down the book.

Oh I wanted to add too that making sure she gets plenty of physical exercise is definitely a factor! And making sure there isn't much screen time close to bedtime helps too.

D.S.

answers from Norfolk on

C.: Does your daughter drink caffeinated beverages? Chocolate also has caffeine in it. Caffeine will affect sleeping.

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