Why Cant I Let My Walls Down??

It may depend on his age. If he's old enough he just may not want to have any children. My cousin is 32 and has no desire to have kids so he got fixed. This was done about 4 years into is marriage.

If down the road he desides that he does want kids their are alt. methods like adoption that can be looked into. If he did want to have kids, would you? You're past the getting up in the middle of the night stage. Do you want to start all over again anyway?

I would say that you know in your gut whether or not you can trust his feelings. Dont live according to avoiding pain. You cant be happy if you never take the chance. As far as his mom, she really has nothing to do with it, or your relationship, but his mom is HIS problem. He should talk to her. She can learn to love your kids just like him. Hope some of this helps.

I don't know why you can't trust what he is telling you about having his own kids. In fact, in the future there is always the option of adopting kids or being a foster parent. To me there is no greater joy than being able to love and cherish children and be there for them. This can be your own children or adopted/foster kids.

A little about me, my dad divorced my mom when she had two kids, one they adopted and then me (I was biological). We were around 5 and 7 years old. My dad remarried another woman, my step-mom, who had four kids from previous marriages. She also couldn't have anymore kids. But my dad adopted all her kids and they were very blessed to have my dad as a father figure to love and care for them in their lives. I know there are many other situations out there just like mine.

Good luck, hope it all works out for the best. Without trust, I don't know of any relationship that would work!

K.

Wow, how similar out stories are. I am a single mom, (twice over) and I am currently engaged. We have a 2 yr old togather. He went into this with no kids of his own. I had a 8 yr old and a 3 yr old at the time. First we were friends, and my kids loved him. Then he started telling me he wanted to be more than friends and I was trying to convience him that I had to much emotional scaring. We started dating and it was like everything fell into place. He filled out half empty hearts. It made our family complete. His love for me is slowly taking down my massive brink wall.
Now- I don't know what else to tell you becaues he wants to get married soon and that has been something that I am holding off on. (Cold feet maybe?) Anyways I say all you can do is have faith and try to look at this as a fresh start. But don't get married intill you know in your heart you are ready.

hi, well my mom is 46 and her husband is fixed and has no children at all. some men are ok with not having any and taking other children has theres. im with a guy right now that is 29 and has no kids. i have two myself and not sure if i want anymore. maybe i will change my mind but not at this time. and he also takes mine in and loves them dearly. to the point when my daughter goes to her dads house he complains.. i hope this helps you. i think your man is a good guy for taking in children and loving them. he might have a heart of gold. talk to him bout how you feel. it might help you ease your mind.. good luck

J.-
Isn't love about sometimes taking risks? I would suggest talking to him very openly about it if you already have not. Are you open to adoption? Maybe if the thought come along about more children you could adopt together. If he knows, then it is not fair if later he says he wants more. you did all you could to be honest and up front.
Take care, but remember we never learn to love with walls and mistrust.
R.

My advice is to not push yourself. Maybe you need just a little more time before you are married again, and there is nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean you have the wrong guy, it means it might not be the right time. If you have a true bond fit for marriage, he will give you all the time in the world.

As for the kids. An "ideal" 2nd marriage is one where the spouse has no kids, and there are no more made. Before everyone gets ticked off, let me explain myself.

When both spouses have children from other marriages you often have stress from making it work with their exes. You cannot take the place of their mother or father.

When you have more children with husband #2, there is a risk that your own children will feel a little like outcasts, or jealous because you don't have the same family bond with their biological father. They might feel like they aren't loved as completely or as much.

Maybe your boyfriend understands that, and that is why it isn't an issue for him. In my opinion, I don't think your situation could be any better. (Except maybe meeting this one the first time around, but having the same children. Don't we all wish that!)

J. - Just stop...take a deep breath and relax. If you pressure yourself too much for the right anwsers then you will not be able to see that god has a plan. Love the time that you are sharing with one another now and don't let all the other little things like his mother get in the way. Let him love you and your children as if they are his own. Adoption is always something that you can consider if you both feel that having a child together is what you want. Just be happy that you have a man that loves you, your children and the life you are building together. Warm Regards, L.

Well it actually doesn't depend on him really at all...it depends on you and being comfortable with what he is telling you. I would suggest counseling to have someone help you tear down the wall you are talking about, so your can move forward and trust yourself to be able to live your life and trust what he is telling you.

My BF and I are now seeking counseling on some past issues he had with his girlfriends cheating on him...it is helping.

Also, I saw you were finishing up medical transcription...I just started looking into it today...can you tell me a little about it, I found a school and the course is 7000.00.....does that sound right to you...could you email me ____@____.com