What Would You Do? - Lisbon,ME

Go to the local state agency that people who are low income seek assistance. Fill out the paperwork for child care assistance. Find a care giver that will take the subsidy. You can still work and make the money you need. Even if you make a lot of money you may still only pay a small portion of the whole expense.

At least one of my families in child care were both working at good paying jobs and their portion of their childcare bill for 2-3 kids was still less than a couple hundred per month.

This program is to help people with the expense of child care so they can remain working and providing an income to their families.

There is no reason to stop working if you need the income. Child care can be affordable if you seek the right kind of help.

It depends on your job. If you've been there for a while (I believe it's one year or 1,000 hours of work) and the company employs more than 50 people, you would qualify for up to 12 weeks of unpaid FMLA leave to care for your mother and your employer would have to guarantee to hold your position open for you or place you in an equivalent position when you return. I would not quit my job, but I have a "career" kind of job and carry the benefits for my family and out earn my husband. If you work in an industry where working nights or weekends is doable, then your plan may work out better than taking an unpaid leave.

I would NEVER quit my job to cover a couple weeks to maybe a couple of months of recovery. My MIL (81) had her second hip replaced last year. She was out of commission for 1 week - then on limited activity for 3 more weeks. She had an even faster recovery with her first replacement. But then she was only 74. Hip replacement has a rapid recovery for most people (not like knee replacement).

Quitting a job will likely have implications when you look for a new one (I ALWAYS ask my prospective employees why they left their last place of employment) and jobs are not that easy to find right now. Will your employer allow you to take a temporary leave of absence? Can you hire someone to watch your child in your house for the time (try a nanny service - they also provide short term caregivers). Or do daycare. It does not seem to me worthwhile to trade a short term financial loss (couple weeks of pricey child care) for a long term financial loss (unemployment). Plus - what if for whatever reason your husband/partner loses his job (lay offs, health issues, whatever). Do you pay your mom to watch your child? I would think since it is a regular commitment on her part - you should.

FMLA is unpaid leave for 12 weeks assuming you have a year of service and your employer has more than 50 employees. If you're eligible talk to HR and get the form to complete and take FMLA - if you need income (who doesn't) take a P/T job in the eves until mom is better.

If FMLA won't apply you have to consider if your job is valuable - is it a job that is easily replaced? If so then quit and start over after mom's better.

My mom had her hips replaced and while she won't be able to run after your son she won't need as much care as you'd think. Push her to go to inpatient rehab directly from the hospital. The social worker at the hospital will make the arrangements. You have to tell the social worker that you have a toddler to care for, your dad cannot take care of her due to physical limitations. They will usually cover 5-7 days inpatient rehab. At rehab they're show her how to do all of her normal acitivities while preventing damage to her newly repaired hip. They'll get her the tools she'll need to put on socks, a long shoe horn, a grabber, a walker with a basket, etc. They'll show her how to go up the steps to the house, how to get in and out of the car, etc. Then push for in-home rehab - they will come to the house a few days a week for the first two weeks. So really the stuff taht you'll need to do for her will be laundry and meal preparation and a litle help getting in and out of the shower. Trust me Medicare and or insurance will cover all of this. And it's essential that she does her rehab as it makes all the difference in the hip working well once replaced. MY cousin is an ortho surgeon and he says the PT is what makes the surgery successful.

Now back to your job - if the FMLA thing doesn't work out and you'd like to keep your job becuase it's a good job, nice boss, whatever - talk to your boss and explani the situation. He/she may be willing to save your position if you're a good worker. But if all of these things fail - but it's a really good job that you don't want to lose it may be worth it to pay for the daycare for the time needed in order to keep the job. You have to write down the pros & cons and weigh it all out. Only you can make that decision.

Good luck mama. These are the things that make us crazy - all these decisions in life that aren't clear cut!

Your mother will be in recovery (hospital) for 3 days barring any complications. She will be up and walking the day of the surgery. She will have physical therapy 3 days per week for the first 3 weeks. She will not be bend for a few weeks either. Sitting and walking will be her "thing" for the first 6 weeks. Your mother will NOT be able to pick your daughter up for several months after the surgery.

If you can afford to quit work - do. If you can do your job from home - great. But in all honesty - working from home is just that - working. So you will need a nanny or a mother's helper.

If my paycheck is needed - I wouldn't quit work until my other job was lined up or a nanny was found. I personally wouldn't want to work nights and weekends - but that's ME. You need to do what you have to do and what works for your family. I don't know your financial situation. I don't know if you live in the boondocks or in a big city. I don't know if you will be required to care for your mom during her recovery from hip surgery. I don't know your situation so it is hard for me to be hand out advice with minimal information.

So IF this were me? I would quit work and take care of my child and mother.

I worked at night for a long time and it worked out great. Taking care of a toddler is a lot of work. It sounds like your mom needs to take care of herself now.

It's hard to answer without knowing whether your current job:

1. Is a career-track job, and you love it, and leaving it now would damage any chance you have of moving up at this job or continuing a long-term career you've worked and trained for;
2. Is a job that isn't part of a career for you, or something you love doing, just a job mostly for some useful extra money;
3. Is a job that is vital to make ends meet in your household, and without it your family will have a tough time.
4. Is a job that isn't big-time for money or career but it's something you like doing and it keeps you sane, because you know that staying home full-time just isn't for you (and that's fine!).

Find out the answer to those thiings and that will help you decide. Since you say that it doesn't make sense financially to use day care, it sounds (sorry if I'm wrong) as if the job doesn't pay a whole lot, if what you mean is that your paycheck would be entirely eaten by day care costs. Is that the case? If so, and it's not economically vital to the family that you work right now, you could indeed consider quitting. Yet you say you'd need to work nights and weekends, so maybe the money is vital.

But be aware of this -- after the hip replacement, she will need quite some time to recover and frankly may not be up to looking after an active toddler even when she has gotten the surgery and recovered. So you might be seeking day care anyway even when she's over the operation. Think through her age, her general health, her plans for the rest of her life (does she foresee watching your child as your child gets older? Once he or she is in school? Does she want to stop watching your child at certain point? Was this always intended to be a temporary thing that's turned more permanent than expected? And so on.) Be really frank with yourself and with her about whether she can or will be able to keep caring for your child.

As for the operation -- the sooner the better. I've had numerous relatives go through hip replacements and the longer she waits the worse her hip will be and the more difficult the operation will be. The recovery will take longer if she waits longer to get the operation. Sounds like it might be time to take your mom out of the child care equation for good. She might insist that she will be up to it, "Don't take my grandbaby away," etc., but do look realistically at overall health and the years ahead. She might actually be relieved to be let out of daily care duties though she may resist at first.

But only you can answer the questions about how vital your current job is and whether you really must work nights and weekends. If you work nights and weekends, will your husband care for your child? When will you see your family if you're working nights and weekends? Is there any way that you can not work at all? There is a lot to weigh but it sounds like taking your mom out of the equation might be necessary at some point anyway. Good luck.

I think your game plan is fine.

My son went thru a hip replacement at age 23. I continued to run my daycare during his recovery here at home. I just made sure the kids stayed out of his way. I lined them all up on the couch as he made his walks thru the house with his homecare PT.

Set the rules, stick to them.... both your child & your mom should be fine! You know, your mom may have home healthcare with this surgery. My son had a nurse & a physical therapist. We provided all other care for him....so you may need to move in with them for the 1st couple of weeks. Those middle of the night bathroom breaks are killers...& using the bedpan can be a mess. Be prepared to do a lot of care! It was very humbling for my son to have us care for him. :)

Good Luck to your family.....we learned a lot thru this process. Younger hip replacements are actually more difficult to do, & require a different type of recovery plan. This is due to larger & harder muscles. My son blew past all benchmarks in record time. He was actually doing 6 week exercises at the 2 week mark....& was fully-released at 6 weeks, instead of 12! Wishing the same for your mom!

I would look into putting your mom into a nursing home or assisted living after her surgery. Medicare will pay for it. Then she will be right there for them to come in and do her PT with her and make sure she does it/does it correctly. It will only be for about a month.

We had to do it for my grandma. She wasn't real happy with it at first but the time flew by once she got use to the idea.

When she gets out she should be able to do most things on her own or atleast enough that she wont need you there 24/7.

During that time if you need daycare then find someone willing to take your child knowing that it isn't going to be long term.

I think since its going to be short term the need for daycare, it will be better financially to go that route instead of loosing the job you have now with no guarantee of finding another day job right away.

Until she is 100% again you can go on weekend to help with laundry and the cleaning, make meals for them that they can freeze or even look into meals on wheels, or some other similar meal program to deliver meals daily while she is down.

There is so many programs out there that medicare will pay for to help out so you dont have to leave your job and take the chance of not being able to find another one right away.

We don't know your financial situation, how much money you make, or if you and your husband can afford for you to not have a fulltime job. Or if you get benefits from working full time. You mention being out of work in June - does that mean you are a teacher? Would you for sure get night and weekend work, or is it just something you hope for?

If you can afford it, it would be great to help your mom. Make sure she does all of her PT after the surgery.

Good luck,
Dawn