What to Tell Strangers

S.,

How about a sweet "Thank you for your concern, but he was born with a birth defect, a hadn deformity, and he had surgery to correct it." That's short, sweet and non-antagonistic.

I got funny looks, too, when my oldest had to run around with a patch over his eye because he had crossed eyes. Sometimes people are just curious, though, and if you come acrossed sweet--kill em with kindness--it will help soften any other intents (perhaps people who think someone harmed him).

Hugs,
Kat

He is absolutely perfect. I have read a few of the responses about the "deformity" as being none of anyone's business. While sure, maybe it's not, but what are you teaching your little boy by keeping it secretive and being standoffish? You don't want him to be ashamed of what he knows is normal... well... at least I wouldn't if he were mine. People are curious by nature. I know it is still very early (15 months is a little haul off from the first day of kindergarten) but where is he going to be telling what could be his future best friend when asked what had happened to him that it's "none of his business." Kids learn by example. I would just tell people "eh, he was born like that, and he is my little miracle" Whatever you decide, good luck, and God bless you and your little family :)

I would just smile brightly- say that doctors helped his hand (or the bandage is) so he can keep growing big and strong... look at your child while you are saying this so that it's like you are talking to him, not the stranger and then either turn away or change the subject. just an idea :)

Just, change the subject on them, if they are smart enough they will understand that it's a touchy subject!! You don't have to do something that makes you uncomfortable ever. But I wish you the best with your son. And hope for a great recovery!!! I have a 18mo son maybe we could get together and let them go wild! Have a good weekend!! :)

I would always tell the truth. Don't set up lying about it now so that eventually when your child goes to school, he feels ashamed. It's part of who he is, it doesn't change who he is inside and that's the most important message. If you lie, it implies you're ashamed.

Besides, when it comes to babies, people are always empathetic.

Shelly,
In my opinion you don't have to tell them anything, if you don't want to. I am sure time is a real big factor in what you say or don't say.
I would just tell them he had surgery but will be just fine.
Please don't worry too much about other people, they just feel badly when they see babies in casts.
Good luck!
C.

'thanks for your concern , but I don't wish to discuss it, " should be sufficient. you dont owe any explanatins to complete strangers

Just tell them that he had surgery and thank them for asking.
Short and sweet.
Wishing you and him good luck and a speedy recovery.

Fist of all, I hope the surgery for your son went well and his recovery is coming along nicely! There really isn't much you can do about strangers asking. For whatever reason, people think it's okay to know everyone else's business and ask rude questions. My daughter has a hemangioma on her forehead (extra bloodvessels that look like a spongey red/purple bulge coming out of her head) and no matter where we go (she's four now and it still happens all the time!) people say "Someone has a knot on their head -- what happened", blah blah blah. Her sisters often tell them that it's her angel kiss -- when God was ready for us to have her and kissed her goodbye. Other times, I just smile and say "It's a hemangioma" Not everyone knows that's just a glorified birthmark and they usually shut up (I'm sure they're wondering if it's catchy). Anyway, moral of the story is, come up with a "stock", keep it simple and act like it's no big deal and none of their business. You owe no one an explanation -- "he had surgery" would do. Just remember that he is a blessing and they are never flawed.

If you feel you must answer them, I would just say something like, he just had surgery to fix his hand. real basic none of their business really. Good luck!!

Short and sweet... "He was born with a hand deformity, and recently had surgery to help him." They dont need details... or a long explanation. Truth be told, it's not their business and they shouldn't be asking anyway. But if someone should, just give them the bare basics... then smile and walk away. =0)

I would guess that most people who ask are just concerned and are empathetic to your situation. I know if I was to ask someone, it would be out of caring for that individual, not because I wanted to be nosy. I love kids, and hate it when any child hurts for any reason. Also, many people are in the medical field and it's natural curiosity. If you are offended by their asking, then respond however you choose, but for the benefit of the doubt, I would just feel that people were truly being empathetic towards you.

S., I would tell whoever asks that its something you don't wish to discuss. Your son is doing fine and that is what you focus on. Maybe you could say you miss the "old days" when people just didn't ask rude nosy questions.

My son was born with a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (big phrase for a hole in his diaphragm). He had surgery when he was just 30 hours old. He doesn't remember any of it of course, but he was left with a 6 inch scar across his abdomen. When he was just a baby I started telling him that that was where the doctors put his super powers. Now he is proud to show off his scar...it makes him special! Anywhere we go if someone asks to see his super powers, up goes his shirt. If you ask him where they came from, he will tell you the doctors gave them to him. If you ask him what he wants to do when he grows up, he says he wants to fix the babies. He's only 4! Tell people as little or as much as you are in the mood to tell them. When I have the time, I explain to people what CDH is, because like me before having Dean, most people have never heard of it. I think the education can do them some good. Many babies die from CDH, Dean and I were VERY lucky that he is as healthy as he is today. For that reason, I don't mind explaining to people what we went through when he was born. At the same time, if I'm not in the mood to get into it, I will simply say he had some surgery when he was a baby and he's fine now and then I will change the subject. It really is a personal decision what you choose to share with other people. The most important thing is what you tell your son now and later as he's get old enough to understand more.

Good luck to your family, I hope things continue to improve and your son continues to thrive!
K.

You received some great comments, I agree that you should be open with his deformity and tell him and others that God made him very special! I see that you long to be a SAHM. Have you ever considered a home business? Shaklee is something you can do and enjoy helping others feel and look great, while knowing you work for the number one green company worldwide. Check out my website and if you have any questions, e-mail me! I hope you finds something that will work for you to stay home!!!

Best Wishes

www.shaklee.net/denise_friedl

It's none of their business! I can't stand nosy people!! Honestly, there is nothing wrong with simply saying, "He had surgery" and leaving it at that. They don't need to know any details, they shouldn't even be asking. If you feel so inclined to give more details, you could say "He had surgery to fix a hand deformity." But I wouldn't even go that far- it's just none of their business at all. A close of mine has a similar deformity, as does another friend's baby. They keep their answers short when asked about them. Best of luck to you!