when I picked my son's up from latchkey today the provider told me that my oldest son (6) had kicked another boy in his private area and that she had to complete an incident report for the boys mother. She told me that it started with my oldest arguing with his brother. The other boy came over and told him to leave his friend alone which is my younger son. So, I was told that he got mad and kicked the boy in his "private" area.
I felt horrible I had no idea how to respond because I did not want anyone to think that I was taking this lightly but I did not feel that I should have scolded my son right there in front of everyone like I would have done at home. I asked the boy if my son had apologized to him and he said he did not. So, I told him to tell the boy that he was sorry ( and this is someone my son told me in the past was a great friend of his).
This is the second incident I have had since school has started about my son's behavior. Please any suggestions? Should I contact the child's mother to apologize or just punish my son and let it go?
I called the afterschool program in order to get the mom's info so that We could apologize. I don't know the mom. However, I was told by the director that the mom was "a young" mom and was very "confrontational" they felt that she could be that way with me and it was probably best not to contact. The Director told me it was best not to contact the mom. However, when she dropped her son off this morning he seemed fine and the mom did not mention the incident.
My son was once pushed at school and the other mom called. I have to say that it did make me feel good because I knew that the other family cared about their child's behavior just like I cared about my son's behavior. We have a small school community. so we would have inevitably gone to the same party at some point and that helped relieve any anxiety that I would have experienced.
C.
I think you did the right thing in not scalding him in front of everyone. I do think if I was you I would probable get a hold of the mom. Just to show that you care about the whole thing. I am sure the boys will make up and forget all about it in a few days... kids!
Yep,
Call the M. and apologize for your son. You did the right thing by allowing your son to apologize to the other boy without scolding him.
When my son was a little older than yours he bit his best friend! He had gotten frustrated and bit him.....hard! It was shocking because this particular son was a bit of a pacifist and the boy he bit was his most beloved friend. I was mortified and had to tell his Mom about it. You absolutely handled it perfectly. Frustrated little boys can act out. There would have been no need to go overboard. When we do it's usually out of embarrassment and not necessarily the best way to handle the situation.
Do for them what you'd like to have done for you if the roles were reversed. Teaching your child to go above and beyond when it comes to apologizing and making up will only help your son socially. You should not feel compelled to scold or punish your son in public (nor would I advise anyone to do this even if they're comfortable with it), but people should know that you take it seriously, and your son should definitely apologize (sincerely) and make an effort to change or have more punishment. Having your son call and apologize is a great idea, and after he's done that, ask to talk to the Mom and let her know that you're sorry as well. I'm sure she'll appreciate the gesture!
Yes you were right to not scold him there in front of everyone, just have a clam talk with him later at home, why did you do that, how could you have handled the situation differently? How can you SHOW the boy you are sorry? maybe a brief written apology?
My son had a very similar experience to Patty W. My son (very mild mannered BIT his BFF at a McDonald's. I cried all the way back to the friend's house. My son apologized. The friend apologized for what he did to tick him off and they are still best buds to this day.
I think you did the right thing to n\make him apologize to the other kid. Do you personally know the other mom? If so, I would call her and tell her that you didn't take it lightly and you're glad they filled out an "incident report" b/c you WANT to know if anything like that happens in afterschool care. At least she won't think/believe/spread the word that your kid's a monster.
its good you didn't scold him in front of everyone . latch key or day care is difficult on children it's almost as if the children are sibblings because they spend so much time together.
You would be wise to talk to the other mother and apologize and reassure her that you want to help your son stop this kind of aggressive behavior. It sounds like it's not all your son's fault but I wouldn't go there with the mother. I'd get your son talking about this and help him find alternative ways to handle things. Maybe a playdate in your home would help if the other mom will agree at this point.
HMMM it was handled at school & in your home as well as a prviate conversation if I were you call the mother apologize.It wasn't at your home or her home so it was handled differently
When my children have incidences such as this or not following the rules that disrupts the classroom. I have them write notes of apology to the (victim) or person he was disrespectful to. I have a 6 yr old (and older boys), he has to at least apologize for what he did wrong, what he should have done differently to have a different outcome and what he will do in the future. I expect it in letter form-Mrs. so and so, very neat and in the best spelling possible. Actually, I really want to make it last as long as possible, so they remember the offense. I also have the adressee sign and return the envelope to ensure that they did indeed recieve it and to show them that the incident was more than just a "talking to".
They are also grounded for the day, no tv, no goodie snacks (only pretzels), no company, no special time with parents, no electronics etc.
