That was tonight's question from my 9 year old. I may have just missed the segue to a sex talk. My cap out answer was "Oh they're like husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend."
How would you have answered that question?
ETA: She was reading a book. I think it was Harry Potter book 7. Didn't even think to ask the context as it was written in the story or the context of how she thought it meant. I always though I would be that cool parent who could talk about this "topic" openly to my kids. I guess I am not that hip. Kid accepted my answer with a nonchalant "Oh, OK."
I had a talk with my daughter and I asked her where she found out about the word "lover". She said it is from Harry Potter. Belatrix was calling out to Voldemort .. ' "...my master, my master" uttering the words like she would address a lover.' (paraphrasing). Then she told me she knows what it means now. She apparently looked the word up in her handy dandy Webster. It means, a partner, a companion.
She said it made sense to the story. Thanks, Mr Webster!
For a 9 year old, I think what you said was perfect. I don't think they need the sex talk quite that early. I like the idea of asking the context. I would not have thought of that. Thanks Mymission! I have 2 girls (12 and almost 10) and the questions have really begun....
I'd have to ask where they heard that word and in what context were they talking about it. Maybe there are lingering questions that those questions might open up again.
For a nine-year-old, my short answer would have been, "a lover is someone you're in love with, who returns your love," and then waited to see if she had any followup questions.
i don't agree that it's a gay term, and i myself would not ask probing questions. your simple straightforward answer is perfect. it answers the question, and if there ARE deeper motives the child feels comfortable asking further.
ETA just because gay people use terms that everyone else uses also does not make that term 'gay.'
khairete
S.
I can be an art lover. a music lover or a lover of fine wine.
It doesn't necessarily mean I have sex with it.
I've never heard that it's a gay term before - the meaning can be broadly applied so although homosexuals/lesbians have lovers it's not exclusively used in that sort of context.
A dictionary is a useful thing to both adults and 9 yr olds but kids don't always think of looking up the meaning of words.
When our son asks me something I'm not sure of then I'll say "I don't know - let's look it up!".
Sometimes my guessed meaning is right but sometimes I learn something new.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lover?s=t
lov·er
noun
1. a person who is in love with another.
2. a person who has a sexual or romantic relationship with another.
3. a person with whom one conducts an extramarital sexual affair.
4. a person who has a strong enjoyment or liking for something, as specified: a lover of music.
5. a person who loves, especially a person who has or shows a warm and general affectionate regard for others: a lover of mankind.
Yep, well said! You're fine, and you handled it well.
Lol. I don't have a better answer.
I think your answer is perfect!
hhhmmm...good question!!
I think I would have said - "someone you are in love with - like a husband and a wife"
I think you did GREAT!!
I've learned sometimes a simple straight-forward answer (leaving out the details) is the best way to answer a question like that. :) If she accepted that answer, it sounds like it was a good answer.
You handled this perfectly and beautifully. There's no need to overload kids with information when they're just asking a vocabulary question.
And, per the post below, it is not "a gay term." There's nothing wrong with something being "a gay term"; this just doesn't happen to be. In some bigoted circles it might be used pejoratively, to imply that LGBT relationships are illicit or unequal, but that's not a mainstream usage. And most people, on this site and everywhere, are better people, and know better, than to speak with that kind of intent.
I've read each of the Harry Potter books multiple times. I cannot think of a time when that word would have been in the book.
I'm pretty sure she heard or read it somewhere else.
Your answer was just fine.
Oh, and commenting on an answer below, "lover" isn't exclusive to gay relationships. 1,000 points to B from Chesapeake for concisely searching out the facts of the matter! :)
Your child may have heard it on TV.
And yes, indeed, it can be a gay term. Why do you think i may I know... Duh. We refer to our: partners, lovers, significant others, etc.
As it says in your SWH, it means partner. No way am I using it in a derogatory term. It's fact.
My first thought about the word lover is totally unrelated to sex. I hear parents say a specific child is "their lover" meaning they cuddle and are easy to get along with.
Not from Harry Potter. It's okay. You'll have many more chances.
Meanwhile, start looking for an age appropriate book to share with her about the birds and the bees.
