I have a former neighbor who is a nightmare. I still own my home across the street from her but I married FIVE YEARS AGO and moved into my husband's house because it was bigger and would hold all 5 of us whereas my house barely fit 4. This neighbor has spread nasty rumors about me and told blatant lies about my family. She insults me to my renters and accuses me of heinous things so my renters leave. My adult daughter has just come to me in tears about the newest gossip going around the 'hood about me that was told to her by a different neighbor while she was mowing the lawn. It's a complete lie but it upset her none the less. Then yesterday as we were over to the house preparing it for new tenants, my adult son comes in proclaiming my sophmore son supposedly is tattooed. He got the word from another neighbor stating it came from this nightmare person as fact.
First, he's not old enough for tattoos. Second, how would anyone know anything about us as we don't associate with anyone in the old neighborhood because we live 20 minutes away and have our own lives to live. Third, I've told my kids to ask politely that people not tell us the gossip going round and not to believe anything they hear about us as we have no association with anyone in the neighborhood. I don't even speak to this nightmare neighbor for fear of her making up new malicious tales to regale the neighbors with.
I used to just say that the information was incorrect, or try to change the subject as I don't like gossip and it's not in my nature to be mean. I've never retaliated or called names as that's childish behavior and I'm a mature adult. Now it's affecting my kids who are young 20 somethings and have not been exposed to this type of behavior by supposed adults. I explained it's just petty picking and to let it go, but they are getting caught in her toxic fall out.
My question is, how do you handle this? What would you do if it was your family being maligned continually when you've never said a thing bad about anyone in the old neighborhood?
Addendum: I cannot sell the house because the market is dead and the neighbor is a 'collector' of sorts whose collection has spread throughout their yard causing a less than pleasing landscape. The town will not intervene to require moving some of the collected items to another location unless it poses a health threat. I can't prove that it does and complaining about it being an eyesore is getting me nowhere.
I would just look concerned/sad and ask if she is getting help for her problem... if they ask what problem, just say, if she hasn't told you then you don't need to know and leave it at that.
And she does have a problem... what it is, you have no idea so you aren't lying in the least.
I would sell the house if that is an option. If you want to keep the house and she keeps chasing away renters you may have legal standing for a slander case with loss of income. Ask a lawyer.
Get a lawyer to write her a letter to stop slandering your good name. The letter should include that you will take her to court over her slanderous statements about you and your family. In that she has cost you tenants, you should feel free to brief your new tenants on her behavior. Perhaps you aren't just loosing tenants because her statements about you but she may also be doing the same kinds of things to them as well.
You will need to document everything as best you can as well as see if you can get notarized statements from non family members confirming the things she has been saying about you. Perhaps you can get something from former tenants.
I really hope this helps.
.
Any chance you could lease your rental home through an agency? That way, at least, she wouldn't be driving renters away from YOU (the agency handles everything, so she'd just sound nutsy). Ditto, they'd have NO problem taking her to court, because as she drives away tenants via harassment, that hurts their bottom line.
As a matter of fact, I doubt that it's so much that it's *about* you (although it could be) but more of the fact that she is *harassing* your tenants. If you can hire that middleman then all you have to do is let the leasing company deal with it.
((Now a leasing / management company may not be a financially viable option, but as a renter it was my *favorite* way to rent a house.))
This is easy it is slander. As long as you can prove that renters are moving out because of things she has said you have a court case, then add to that the emotional distress it has caused your daughter. A well worded cease and desist letter form an attorney may be all it takes to get her to shut her trap or pay up.
Long time ago, a "lady" at my office started a rumor, she stated that I was involved along with two other girls and my boss in orgies, that we were his misstresses and almost took turns. He was married.... that was REALLY bad and at that time it really affected me and my image. Good for me, I caught it early and even I am not a confrontational person this time I gathered all the courage I could and called her.... I told her I knew what she was saying, I knew it was true that she started the rumor and there were no way I was making a mistake as confronting her.
I was very sad and shocked, I did not cry or scream at her, to be honest the fact that I was confronting her had me shaking head to toe. But I managed to say everything I had to say, as how cruel the inventions were, how they were affecting me and how surprised I was that none other than her, that had suffered being slamed with gossip was doing that kind of damage to persons that have never harmed her.
She could not get out of it lying or blameing someone else. She admited to it and said she did not know why she did it. She appologized and never (to my knowledge) said anything about me again.
Facing it, as difficult as it was for me was what worked. I am sure the lady was shocked at the fact that I got to it head on but without any anger, screams or extra drama, just honesty, talking from my heart and my very very hurt feelings.
You all know the truth and you all have nothing to prove to anyone. Your children need to be reminded that if someone wants to stoop as low as to spread nasty untrue gossip around to those around them, that it was on them. If those people choose to believe it, then they are just being gullable. What matters is that you all know the truth. Some people are just plain nasty and can't be happy unless they are making someone else miserable. Those people who are spreading the gossip are going to find themselves very lonely in the long run. You nor your children don't need to have to defend yourselves. Especially to a nightmare neighbor. I had one of those myself. It's really sad that the world comes with bad mixed with all the goodness in it. Take care.
EDIT: If your neighbors trash is out front, you can call the City Ordinace Officer and have them come check it out and they will tell her to move it out of the yard, and if she doesn't, they can give her a citation. I had a hoarder living next door to us and all her garbage was out in her backyard, and front yard. City Ordinance Officer repamended her several times, she got several citations and ended up in Court over it because she refused to comply. I would get in touch with them and get them to do something about it. Look up your cities website and they should have a link on their. Good luck.
Everyone has given you great advice. I would ask the renters to write down what she is saying and that that is why they moved. I guess if it were me I would just consider the source and try to ignore it as hard as that may be to do. She is most likely jelouse of you because you have a new life and she is stuck in the same old life. I would be sure and tell the next renters that the neighbor across the street is a little touched and makes up stuff. Good Luck to youl
Are renters actually telling you that the things she's saying are the reasons they're leaving? You might have a case of defamation of character through slander but you have to talk with a lawyer and prove that it's hurting your business (rental).
http://www.ehow.com/how_###-###-####_use-libel-vs-slander...
Don't confront this former neighbor face to face. That will make the situation worse for you and your kids. The best thing to do is ignore her publicly and when people confront you about what she's said you laugh it off and say, "What's she going on about now? Of course it's not true." Then change the subject. Make no mention of how upsetting all of this is or that you're going to talk to lawyers.
And whether or not you end up with some sort of ruling against her, sell that house. Just completely get disentangled from that neighborhood.
You know those Christmas newsletters that some families send out? The ones that drone on and on about the details of their families lives?
Do a summer celebration newsletter and send it to everyone in your old neighborhood. Open with "Wow, we miss the old 'hood so much and just wanted to catch up with you all". Use it as a carefully crafted way to correct the rumors, and remind all your old neighbors that you are still connected to them. Also, you could "introduce" any new tenants that way (with their permission, of course).
You children are adults now - teach them to politely correct any mis-information that they hear without malice or spreading rumors themselves. It is a good life lesson to learn how to gracefully deflect negative gossip.
I am sorry you are going through this. Just remember, we cannot control the actions of others, but we can control our reaction to them.
Good Luck
God Bless
I would go over and talk maybe with a friend (cop if you know any maybe rent a uniform to scare them) as have a letter written on some legal letter head any other neighbors have issue with them
It might be worth a consultation with an attorney to determine if you have a basis for a defamation civil suit against the neighbor. You mention that you've lost tenants b/c of what the neighbor has said about you. If you can prove that, then maybe that will constitute material damage to you. At a minimum, the threat of a lawsuit might cause the former neighbor to stop talking trash about your family. Sounds like a really bad situation w/ minimal options. Good luck!!
wow, I feel bad for you. I used to live by a neighbor almost that bad, but I think you have me beat. We moved, and that was the end of it. Not for you. Do you have a lawyer friend? Maybe you can have a lawyer write her a letter explaining that she cannot talk about you to your tenants, neighbors and ruin your name like that. Maybe they can discuss what defamation of character means and how she is crossing the line. Maybe that will scare her. Other than that not sure what you can do. Good luck to you.
why are your adult children still hanging out in the old neighborhood? a simple solution to that is for them to just stay away. if they are there helping getting the house ready for new renters, then being in their 20's they should be old enough to stop someone mid sentance and tell them they don't want to hear it unless it is something "nice" to say. And i would just give your new renters a heads up and say there is a neighbor on the street who likes to start trouble and if they hear anything, to please try to put a stop to it immediately. If the neighbor continues, I would ask a lawyer to send her a letter saying you will persue legal action for harrassment and slander and see if that shuts her up. Good luck!!!
Can you file some type of harrassment complaint against her with the police?? This situation sounds incredibly frustrating! I am sorry that you have to go through this :(
If you have documented everything carefully, you might be able to take her to court for a charge of slander (defamation by oral utterance rather than by writing) and sue her for damages that her bad mouthing have caused you.
You'd have to prove she cost you income (your tenants leaving before their term was up, etc).
It might be worth it to talk it over with a lawyer.
You might look into neighborhood mediation. People trained in that work are very, very good at dealing with feelings and accusations and getting down to a workable solution. The main problem is that the other party has to agree to mediation.
If that doesn't work, consider asking an attorney what legal options you have. Often the first half-hour consultation is free. Sometimes a letter from an attorney's office can have a marvelously calming effect on highly excitable or unethical people.
One other thought – when weird "reports" about your family members surface, you or your child might ask, "Where did that story come from, Mrs. Z? If so, why would you think it's true?"
My deep sympathy – we've lived in our current home for nearly 30 years, have mostly wonderful neighbors, but at two different times have had next-door-neighbors from hell. One set of parents seemed to be compulsive liars, as in mentally ill. They were teaching their kids to lie and to deface the property of neighbors they didn't like, which seemed to be everybody. Police were involved many times over. They resisted mediation, but their landlord finally refused to rent to them any longer.
