What Do I Tell 2 Yr Old About Grandma Dying?

Updated on April 17, 2010
K.R. asks from El Cajon, CA
6 answers

My daughter is 2 1/2 and has been visiting her grandma at the convalescent home 3x/week. Things are looking bad for grandma; she may not make it more than a couple days. I want to be honest and up-front but not give her more details than necessary. What do I tell her about death?
Is this sufficient? "Grandma died and went to God in heaven."
(We are Methodist/Christian)

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

I believe it actually does children a disservice to treat death as if it's some secret too frightening to be endured. If your daughter is verbal enough, it's may help to introduce the idea of taking turns. Every person (animal, and plant) has a turn at living its life. When their turn is finished, they die so other people, animals, and plants can have their turn. For most of us, our turn is over when we are so old and sick that we aren't enjoying being alive any more.

But at her age, the finality of death won't be very meaningful. She will probably gradually forget Grandma except as recalled in family stories. The death will probably be far more emotional for you than for your little girl.

I would avoid associating death with sleep, because this makes some kids dread going to bed at night.

Hugs to you all.

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C.R.

answers from Atlanta on

We just recently dealt with this twice this year. My children are 7 and 4. They were close to grandma and aunt. The 7 year old had lots of questions of course but the 4 year old keeps saying they are coming back soon. With your little one being so young the best thing you can do is find something that reminds you of the grandma. Another relative did this ---there was this clock that the grandma loved---so everyday the 2 year old plays with this crazy clock and the mom says something wonderful about the grandma. Your children need to see you grieve in a healthy way---because they learn from us--- and teaching them to remember the happy things about the person they love and to talk about the good memories.
My thoughts are with you. It is very difficult to have a death in the family along with caring the burden for your children. God is so good and He will provide you with just the right words when you need them-continue to ask for his direction.

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H.A.

answers from Dallas on

Generally, when tough times happen.. I keep my answer simple and let the child lead. If they ask more questions - then I give more info. To a child that young she probably won't ask for much more.

If you do decide you want to explain a little more.. I still wouldn't say *much* more. Keep it nice and simple.

"Grandma lived a very long life, and was very old and sick. We won't be able to see her anymore, and we will miss her, but she's in a better place. Grandma died and went to God in Heaven."

My thinking is to let her know its okay to miss her and be sad. She may see you or your husband cry, and its important for her to understand you miss Grandma and you're sad she's gone. (Just to make it less upsetting for her) I don't know how close you guys were and how often she saw her.

Sorry for your family's loss.

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D.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I dealt with this when my daughter was 2 years old. I say keep it simple. I agree with Heather A. It is a good idea to explain what happened, where grandma went and that it is okay to be sad. Just keep it simple in language that your daughter can understand. Too much information will be confusing or scary, answer her questions (if there are any) honestly and simply. I am sure your daughter will take it well if you are open and truthful with her.

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K.M.

answers from Boston on

Ditto Peg M., and perhaps she might ask, and you might add, that it doesn't hurt.

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S.M.

answers from Casper on

I think that is a good answer.

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