We're Struggling to Make Our Wills

having been through something like this - I won't go into details - My belief is that you leave your property to your children to be divided evenly. Many siblings take something special - a token from your collectibles - then have a huge estate sale with the rest so that the funds can be divided fairly. This sounds very harsh to the person who collected all of those treasures, but like someone else said, what you love and collect is not what your children will. But know this - your children, no matter how ungrateful they are, will never get over being left out of a will. It is solid proof for the rest of their lives that they were not as good as the others in your eyes. Either give it all to charity, or split it evenly amongst your children. There is no reason to pass judgement after you are gone. That is my opinion.

Maybe arrange to have your expensive things sold and the proceeds donated to your favorite charity?

I think your husband has the right idea. To divide equally will prevent any fussing. I know the thought of someone not cherishing your stuff hurts, but you can't make people love what you love. And after you're dead you really won't care what they do with it. If I kept all the things I have inherited over the years I would be over run with things.

About your collectibles and antiques..... you might check to see if any museums (even small ones and especially local ones) might be interested in any of them. Sometimes it seems there are museums for everything. lol. Maybe try an internet search for different types of museums.

This is something you really need to think about and discuss. If you want the things you leave to be appreciated and taken care of by the person you want to have them, then you'll need to be very specific about what goes to who.

Remember... you do not have to leave the stuff to your children. You can leave it to friends, neighbors... even strangers. If you decide not to leave anything to your kids, you'll want to be certain to have an attorney make sure the will is tight so your kids won't come back and contest it after your death.

I don't think there is an easy answer anyone can give you, but I'm hoping you two can come to an agreement and find a solution easily.

Do you have any nieces or nephews that you're close to who would appreciate the items?

Or, since you're an animal lover, you could leave instructions to sell the items at auction and donate the proceeds to an animal rescue orgainzation. If your stuff is going to be sold anyway, the money from it might as well go to something that you would consider a good cause.

A.,
I have a brother who sounds just like your son. I read something a while ago and I think it's a great idea.
A Grandmother gave away her belongings BEFORE she became sick to whomever she wanted. There was no need for fighting/legal action after her departure-she gave it as she wanted.
As for your children/step-kids- Some of them are going to complain regardless (maybe Most of them).
I'd let your husband divvy up his stuff as he sees fit and let you do the same. As for assets you've purchased together, I'd like to suggest you have those sold and the money donated to charity-that way no one will be fighting with the others for the money they didn't get b/c on one gets any. There will always be someone (maybe several who will be bitter and complain about it-but if you gave them something they would complain b/c they wanted more...).
That's my penny's worth-use it if you feel it has merrit.
I don't envy you-it's awful when you have to make decisions like this-but remember It's YOUR Stuff, if you want to pile it up in the yard and burn it in front of your family that's your right (I don't believe you WILL, but you COULD).
Good Luck!
C.

I decided several years ago to start giving things to the people I wanted them to have once I died that way I could see them enjoy them or they could tell me if they would rather not have it. My husband and I have over 30 nieces and nephews who I don't want to get anything and our daughters who in are in their early and late 20's are not interested in most of what I have collected during the years and my 3 year old son will probably not want my angel or snowglobe collections since I don't. After talking with my daughters who I am close to they told me what they would like to have and that I should do what I wanted with the rest. Since I work as a Nanny for several families and have been with most of them since the children were born each of them has been given something to be put up to remember me by when I am gone.

No where is it written that family has to get our things. It is yours and you can do whatever you want with it. Don't feel guilty about not wanting them to have your things. Sell them, donate to a charity that is dear to your heart, give them to people who mean a lot to you or don't worry about what happens to them when you are gone.

My best friends son was getting married and since he means more to me than any blood relatives beside my 2 daughters and son I gave him my engagement ring so he would not go in debt buying his girlfriend a ring. My daughters had already picked out the wedding set they wanted from my jewelry and a set with our original bands has been put aside for my son. You can also leave everything to a charity and then you don't have to worry about a thing and since you have 6 dogs you also need to think about them. My best friend died and nothing had been decided about her dog and before she could make the decision she was gone and the dog ended up in the pound which is not what she wanted.

Good luck.

It is my opinion that you leave your life's collectibles to your children equally. Despite the fact that they haven't all been the way you wish. It is my belief that you split equally the shares amongst all the children too.
Now of course before that pick a few cherished things to go to kids, siblings, gr-kids, etc that you feel will be taken care of by that person. You may not find that everyone gets a special item. As for the rest, your hubby is right, you will be gone and it doesn't matter.
If your kids sell it for money then the buyer will value it most likely as much as you. It really is all just stuff. You have an attachment to it because of it's meaning to you. Maybe put a special note about the designated pieces in the will for the designees to have. Other than that you could take pics of your stuff for your memory, then spend the next few years selling it all to people who will appreciate it and finally take the proceeds and spend it on travels for you and your hubby. Please however do not leave out children from the will, shares of assets etc unless they have a drug or alcohol problem. It is reasonable to believe the addict will just use funds to harm themselves. However there is no need to stoop to the rude level of your son, etc. Just be equally fair and when you are gone your children will respect you for that. That is better than adding bitter sentiment to thier grief. I am sure the children no matter how poor thier contact are all loving. Some counseling before you are gone might improve the quality of your connections. Many prayers that your relationships improve. Again the things you treasure will only be cherished by a fellow collector. It might be wise to sell now. Life is not about things but rather the people we love. God Bless, MB

Why not leave your sentimental items to a niece (if you have one) or a best friend. They might appreciate them as much as you do. All other items, leave divided between all kids so that no feelings are hurt.

We tried or years to get my mom to write a will and divide the things bewteen us kids. She just kept refusing. My sister has an affinity for old things like dishes, and furniture. My brother hates everything about the house and everything in it. I talked my mom into giving me what I wanted. I have the piano and that's all I really, really wanted. She gave me my rocking horse earlier this year but I live a long ways away so I never got down to go pick it up.

My mom passed away in September and come to find out she put my brothers name on her house. He has emptied it out and what the neighbors didn't want he threw away. My sister is devistated. She had custom designed and built shelves, a coffee table, and end tables for my mom over the years. She wanted it back. All the things that were precious to her are gone forever.

I say ask the kids individually what they want and tell them that you are making out your wills. They may surprise you and have some thing or another they are partial to. Then when the time comes they will have those things and the others can be donated, auctioned off, etc...and the proceeds divided. It may pay for a college education, pay off debt, pay for a wonderful vacation, who knows...but it will your final gift to them and they will remember you by how it is handled.

If you don't want to leave things for your children at all , how about donating it to the underpriviledged? Your collectibles etc may still not be appreciated the way you want but whatever money got from selling them will be used for good purpose.Just a thought.