Wedding Etiquette and Seating Arrangements

Be an adult and roll with it. You do not have to speak to them, just smile & be polite. If you are seated at the same table, so what, let them look childish and scatter around like fools to get away from you. No need to cause undo stress for the bride & groom.

Seating arrangements are probably the most stressful part of the reception plans ... honestly, you will probably be seated near each other if not at the same table - make adult choices and be cordial.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything about not being seated with them. If you are put at the same table, try to move name tags around (or if there are no tags, just sit on the other side of the table) and then ignore them.

You say: "I will not say anything at the wedding as that is not the place"...and yet you want to say something that will affect the wedding. I know you're hurt. (I had to deal with something similar at my sister's wedding.) But just turn the other cheek, ignore them and have a great time!

Leave it alone, you will look gracious, maybe your BIL will be the bore and ask for the seating to be changed.

It will say a lot to the family in general, that you all attempted to put up with them. ...but they are the ones with the problem, not you.

I would not bother the bride. Just say hello or say nothing if you want. You only have to sit at that table during dinner, get up and move after that. He will probably move before you do anyway. Suck it up and have a great time.

Your best bet at this point is to make a list of polite and entertaining topics that can keep the conversation flowing among the other guests at your table, should you happen to be seated at a table wtih them them. There will probably be two other couples at the table, so conversation can flow and you can politely ignore the couple who has been hurtful to you.

Asking not to be seated by them would place too much stress on the bride.

I wouldn't say anything at all.
If none of the other family members know anything about your conflicts, then now is certainly not the time to spring it on them or cause any drama.
Even if you are somehow seated near your brother in law and his wife, you don't have to gush over them, but you can certainly be cordial for a day in order to be the bigger person.
Set your feelings aside for the sake of the couple getting married and for the rest of the family.

The wedding is a month away. No doubt the bride and groom are in a flurry trying to pull everything together and make sure everything comes off without a hitch as it is. This is no time for bringing up discord with other family members.

A) You don't know even IF you will be seated by them.
B) People tend to move around and mingle at receptions after the initial toasts, etc anyway.

This day isn't about you or your brother in law or any conflicts you have had. When you think of it that way, it might be easier to set things aside for a short time and just enjoy the event.

That is my opinion and advice.

Best wishes.

I have been in the situation twice. Once with my X brother in law who repulsed me at the time and once with an insurance salesman who treated me as if I didn't exist in our home during our insurance meeting.

Both times I pulled up my chair, sat down, and smiled. If anyone noticed anything, it would be the look of initial shock when I sat down and that is it.

I understand wanting to run, but you just have to suck it up.

I'm betting the whole family knows what's up....& if you're truly not going to rock the boat, then why do you think you have the right to say something about the seating?

It's not your wedding. Let the wedding couple do their thing, the way they want to do it....& just go & behave! No need for drama beforehand!

Be nice!

I was in a situation similar to this about a month ago. However, I was the outsider. I haven't had tons of contact with my mom's family for the past 4 years or so. My mom passed about 6 years ago, then my grandmother 4. Long story short, my grandma did not take my mom's name off of her house, so after she passed,my mom's siblings tried getting my dad to sign away his rights to my mom's share. I expressed my disagreement with their actions and things got weird. None of them even attempted to meet my second daughter after she was born and to this day, most of them still haven't. She is almost 2 and 1/2! This is a huge insult to me and I have a problem with them turning it around and making it seem like everything is my fault. I also received two nasty letters from a couple of these family members, which I chose not to respond to, trying to be the bigger person. Well, my cousin got married about a month ago and everyone was there. I had been dreading it since I first heard about it. My dad and I were seated at one of the front tables with and near my mom's siblings and my brother and his girlfriend were near the back sitting with their friends. I was a little miffed that we were separated but the night ended up being fine. My one cousin that had sent me one of the letters asked me to dance and we sort of hashed things out while we were dancing. I felt better by the end of the night. But since then, have not spoken to any of them. So, guess everyone was just on their best behaviors that night. I would not ask bride about seating arrangements. Just try and make their day as nice as possible. Good luck.

You don't ask NOT to be seated next to them. That would only draw attention to your feud.

You go. You sit where your told. You act like grown ups and have a meal and some cake without incident and you leave. That simple.

I agree with the others who said that you shouldn't mention it to the bride and groom. Coming up with the seating arrangements is hard enough, without guests putting in requests for who they sit with.

If you are seated at the same table, sit on the opposite side. Usually, you only talk to the people on either side of you, and it's fairly easy to not talk to the ones across from you. Often, it's too loud to hear them anyway.

Say a polite hello to the brother and wife, but don't feel compelled to say or do any more than that.

We don't talk to one of my hubby's brothers, so I get this. It's been 4 years now. Last time we saw him, we just ignored him, and he ignored us.

I don't know if it's just my family and friends but I have NEVER been to a wedding reception that had actual assigned seating, over and above the head table where the wedding party and parents sit.

So my experience is everyone just went in and sat down where they wanted. Simple ... easy ... no muss, no fuss. And those who did NOT want to be near each other weren't.

But I definitely agree with everyone else. IF you happen to be seated at the same table or next to each other ... you be civil and polite and THAT'S IT.

In my experience there's your side, their side and then there's the truth which is generally somewhere in the middle. So suck it up, cupcake and don't add to the couples wedding planning stress.

"What is the etiquette about asking to not be seated with them at the reception as it would be to uncomfortable? "
None.
IF you attend, you sit where you are placed.
You can always choose not to attend if you feel that strongly about not seeing them, but you can't try to dictate the hosts seating plan.

Maybe they're aware of it and you're stressing for nothing. Hopefully.

I agree with others not to request special seating arrangements. Take the high road, and be civil if you come in contact with your brother in law and his wife.

I guess I'm in the minority. I would ask not to be seated with them.

I truly understand. I've been in the same situation with my brother/sister in laws. My husband has had issues with his mother, so in turn his siblings have told us they want nothing to do with us or our children. We've been ignored by them for years. If this wedding situation arose for us, I wouldn't ask to not be seated with them. Perhaps you won't be seated with them anyway or once you arrive at the wedding you'll be able to sit wherever you'd like. If it ended up we were seated with them, I'd have to basically ignore them as they've ignored us over the years. I wouldn't be rude or impolite, but I also would not go out of my way in the least or make conversation with them. I'm not one to be fake and pretend like everything's okay when it clearly isn't. Don't give them the power to ruin it for you. I hope you have a wonderful time.