Uncooperative Husband, Wants to Have

I wouldn't be using sex as a reward or punishment. You need to have a healthy sex life within your marriage. Have sex on the nights you don't work or the mornings of. Make it work for you.

I think you need to sit down with your husband after the kids are in bed and tell him point blank that you need his help. That you need to feel that you both are a team. What you absolutely need him to do when you are at work - will a list help him accomplish those things? That if you know those things are done, you can actually relax. Relaxing being central to the sex being good.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Is it so bad that you put away his bag? He might appreciate it.

We all have felt unappreciated and taken advantage of at one point or another. You need to talk to your husband until he "gets" it.

Good luck.

I would let it go for 14 days. I know this would be hard to come home and see a disaster. If anything becomes dangerous for your kids ask him to fix it, if not done in a reasonable amount of time. Go ahead and do it yourself, but only what absolutely needs to be done. While he was working, did he ever say to you I need clean underwear, socks, whatever. Do the same to him. Possibly, maybe depending on whether he is still living the dorm life mentality of life or if he has become an adult, he will possibly start to pitch in. If not then the other statement I have for you is " A clean house is the best foreplay ever for a woman". Also is he working 40 hours a week looking, applying, interviewing for positions, if not he has to help. Your not a maid or his personal chef.

I disagree with a lot of the responses. He is not a 4 year old, even though he is acting like one. He is an adult and you shouldn't have to make a list for him. And if you are tired and not in the mood for sex, than you should not give in. There is no reason you should meet his needs if he cannot return the favor.
I apologize that I am writing you and I do not have any answers for you. I would be just has frustrated and just as cluess as how to fix it. Keep voicing your opinions and either he will respect your wishes (since he is your husband and partner) or there might be a bigger issue.
Maybe you guys should think about your boys...do you want them to grown up seeing this dynamic between you two? That the woman does everything, waiting on her husband and kids...they pick up on these things and it will help shape who they become.
Good luck and I hope that things get easier for you.

A man can walk into a room and see nothing wrong with it. A woman can walk into that same room and see a total disaster - we're just programmed differently.

Having said that, do you think a list of all the daily and longer-term projects left for him would get accomplished? For example, daily would include dishes put in dirty/emptied from clean dishwasher, food put away, rooms picked up, towls hung, etc. Tuesdays and Fridays, laundry done, Wednesdays and Saturdays, bathroom cleaned. Once a week, bedding changed, etc.? End of July - bag emptied.

Sometimes men don't know everything that needs to be done (no matter how obvious to us) and take the approach of doing nothing.

Additionally, if he does something to help, thank him and don't say another word. I think women are also quick to criticize the WAY something is done rather than thank our husbands for doing the task. You don't have to gush - a simple thank you will do and will show that you do appreciate his efforts. I think too many people don't say thank you often enough and that's where taking someone for granted comes in.

As far as the lack of sex maybe ask him, "if you could help with X, Y and Z on the list, I won't have to do it when I get home and won't be so tired." That may be the incentive he needs to help out.