Trouble at the Table

I agree w/ everyone else. make one meal - that's it. there's always at least one thing each person likes. everyone (including my hubby) has to take 2 bites of each thing served. if you choose not to eat...well, there's always the next meal time or snack time. for the 13 month old - things are a little different simply because he's so young. if he doesn't eat well, he should get oatmeal or somthing super easy - but only after meal time is over. for the 4-yr old, be firm. a couple of hungry days and he'll get over it.
one of my tricks for trying new things...if the kids are with me at the grocery store they are allowed to pick one fruit or vegetable (each) that I would not normally buy. it's led to embarrassment (not knowing what I'm buying and the clerk not knowing what it is either!). it's also led to some surprises. my picky one LOVES turnips. both kids like beets (can hardly stand them myself) and it's led to curiousity about food and a willingness to try about anything.
lastly, let the older one help w/meal time a couple times each week. my 7-yr old has been helping since he was about 2 1/2 and has made dinner essentially on his own more than once (w/help on the hot stuff) - and it wasn't gross kids' food - it was things like homemade pot pie, twice-baked potatoes - good healthy food filled w/veggies.

My kid is a picky eater too - i think you should take baby steps with this one (as in all things with children) - for instance, first try to get them on the same page so you only have to make two meals :) the parents and the kids...and things that would be different then chic-nugs should be simple, but different - examples: spaghetti with red sauce, noodles with fettuccine sauce, and chicken noodle soup with lots of crackers broken in it to make it a bit thicker...then, slowly add small portions of veggies...tonite at my house my kid ate a ton of "small shells" with carrots and "Ragu fettuccine" sauce...BIG WINNER!! Not to mention it is quick and very in-expensive!! The possibilities are endless but remember that they have underdeveloped taste buds, start plane and simple...like noodles and sauce and gradually add the veggies, meats, and whatever else you are trying to get them to eat - - I have hope that one day all of us moms will be able to sit and ENJOY a meal (same meal that is) with our children -- and if you need to go fun b/c they wont even look your way when you bring that new dish to their plate - try doing a small craft with them before dinner that is "dinner oriented" such as making noodle necklaces to wear for their special noodle dinner or tell them they need to make a center piece (cone shape that they can glue stuff too)for the table or construction paper crowns with feathers to wear for thier turkey dinner with the natives or make places mats (2 pieces of wax paper ironed together with material inside ie. leaves, paper shapes)...if you run out of just before dinner ideas that shouldn't take more then 30 minutes and you'll have FUN - get on the internet - many ideas available there! And, I know this may take time from an already busy day - but you shouldnt have to do it forever - just long enough to get them eating, or until they turn into chicken nuggets :)

Just stop doing it. What you serve is what you serve, period. You can add a side dish of a favorite, have them wait to eat that part until other things on their plate have been tried, but they are to eat what you serve or they can get down. I am hard nosed on this rule. I allow my kids a few things they just don't like, they did try them a few times and we just don't have those things. Kids have things they don't like and I totally am okay with that.

However, if they do not want to eat what you give them or even try them, that is fine, nothing later or you can reheat what you made earlier and they can eat that! A few nights of you being hard core about this it will help. Let them just be. It is a power struggle now. If they don't mind being hungry neither should you. Of course as a parent your natural instinct is never to want your child to be hungry but if you serve something and they refuse then that is that.

Your one year old needs more calories and nutrition still, sounds like your four year old has set a poor example. That happens a lot when the older one is picky. Maybe empower the four year old to be a great big brother and show how cool it is to try new things to his little brother. I would still make sure the 13 month old gets the calories he needs somehow. Make it fun, whomever can try the most new things in a week wins! :) You have enabled this too if all you have given them is chicken nuggets.

You can try charts too, so for every night they are willing to eat half of what you serve a smiley, no smiley just for one bite! But if they eat all their dinner two smileys, after 10 smileys they get to pick dessert that night.
Dessert I hear isn't to used as a negotiating tool, but it is a lifesaver in my house. If they want dessert, they are to eat 80% of their meal. I don't over do at dessert, pudding, two cookies, a scoup of ice cream but is a strong motivator for my kids. They both know they do not have to eat and some nights they really just don't want to eat what I serve and deal with the consequences. They will not starve themselves. I do not like the however old you are bite rule as one bite of dinner is not doing it for a one year old. You should be willing to put up a list of things they have tried, give them both five things they just do not like, BUT THEY HAVE HAD TO TRY THEM, then tell them that is fine on those five or six things. Otherwise they have to eat what you give them. Have them help in making dinner too as that sometimes excites them into eating what they helped with.

Make sure too your boys have not snacked within two hours of dinnertime. SO they come to the table hungry and much more willing to try something new.

Do not cater to them or you will be set up for a very long time of picky eating! I have a friend that has a four year old that she caters to and it is a daily struggle because she caves in all the time out of fear her daughter will starve!

I agree with Deb K that you need to stop. Just stop. We have always had a rule that if our kids didn't want to eat what I made, they had to take one bite (a "no, thank you" bite to taste the food) and then they could have a bowl of cereal. If they fussed and pissed around and moaned, they had time-out before they got their cereal - they weren't allowed to ruin dinner for everyone else. But I absolutely refused to cook anything else. I cooked healthy nutritious food and my kids were perfectly able to eat that. The moaning and complaining stopped pretty quickly, even for my pickier younger son and even now, at age 9, he will occasionally ask for a bowl of cereal if he's not in the mood for my dinner. That's fine with me. Sometimes he'll eat the cereal while I'm serving dinner for the rest of us and he'll see us enjoying it and he'll start eating it too! it's very funny after what we went through when he was 3 and 4.

children will eat what is cooked but you need to tell them to eat what is fixed or go hungry. Yes sounds terrible but they will eat when they get hungry enough. you have to be strong enough not to feed them anything except what is already fixed even if it is cold. This also goes for when you are with other family members.