Theiving Step-Son

Updated on February 16, 2007
J.H. asks from Dallas, TX
5 answers

I need help. It started out with he was just taking money from his father's coin jar. He has gotten on to him many times and has even tried putting the jar in a hard to find/get to spot, but he still continued. Then about a month ago, I was altering his jeans and my IPOD fell out of his pocket, he had taken it from my room. Well this morning was the last straw for me, he went to school with his father's wallet and money that was in it. He had to call the school this morning to have them catch him when he got off the bus.

What should we do about this. Obviously the scolding and discipline we have been dealing him isnt working. Any suggestions???

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T.G.

answers from Dallas on

Try to be patient (I know its hard). He is probably wanting attention. I would explain to him that what he is doing is stealing and that it isn't right. Ask him how he would feel if someone took his things from him without asking. If you feel the talking isn't working and you need to punish him, then I would suggest taking something of his that is important to him for a short time. Talk to him about trust and how important it is for relationships. Be sure to tell him that if there is anything that he needs he should talk to you or his father about it.

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J.S.

answers from Dallas on

I say something is going on that he's not telling you. Here's my 2 cents:

1. Just keep telling him that you love him. Tell him that you know he's mad/sad about something. If it's ya'll, then he needs to talk to you about it instead of stealing. Keep hugging him.

2. Tough love approach: Do step #1. If it continues, take everything out of his room except his mattress. Every time that his behavior is "good", give him back one of his personal items. That way he can earn it back.

Good luck!!

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L.C.

answers from Dallas on

Get that child some professional help. He is only 8 so probably going through some tough times. He is your step so you have no idea what he may be feeling about his mom. I had a step father and no one ever took the time to really try to understand what I was going through. I was 8 years old! He is probably doing this for attention. I would bet he is really hurting inside and does not have any idea how to handle it. TALK to him and love him. Let him tell you exactly what he is feeling without it hurting yours. Obviously he lost his mom one way or another. Whether it be divorce or whatever, it is still losing "his family" and it is VERY PAINFUL! Even if you are the sweetest person on earth , this little guy is still hurting and it is not easy for children to understand adult situations. Please LISTEN to him and help him to get out the truth!
Good luck, L.

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L.P.

answers from Dallas on

I think many kids do not understand the ramifications of their behavior and how bad somethings are. I agree with Jennifer's #2. Stealing is not just devious - it has further ramifications down the road if it continues. Maybe you don't have to completely clear his room, but I would definately take away his top 5 favorite things while he is gone from your house. Then when he comes home to find these things gone - your response could be "someone must have stolen them". Even if this seems extreme - it creates the feeling in him of how it feels when someone steals your things.

Hope that helps!

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C.P.

answers from San Diego on

Hmmm, I know it probably goes deeper, but do you think it could be a phase? I can remember being 7 years old and I thought it was so cool to have money around all the other kids who didn't. I distinctly remember getting money from my dad's wallet and taking it all up to school to show it off. Some boy "sold" me his binder that was full of paper (I was 7, it was supposed to be a good deal, right?!). I guess he was a couple years older than me. He went to the corner store and bought a whole bunch of stuff with the money and his mom was wondering where in the heck it all came from. That was how I got busted. I never did it again. But there was some kind of cool factor. Do yall have a good relationship? Could it be some kind of rebelious act towards you? I hope not.

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