The Ex's

Well relationships are hard and i have found the hardest of relationships are those that contain those with children from previous relationships.My boyfriend(of almost five years) and I have been raising his daughter for the past four years and my son for the past four years. so I know how difficult it is and it has to be worse for you because of their age. I would talk to your boyfriend and have him sit down and make a schedule with his and then your ex. Tell him you need him to do this, because its not fair to you or those children to have such a mest up schedule all the time. I have noticed with my ex's daughter she comes first, which is how it should be.. but i do have a problem with it sometimes.. I guess you could look at like this, if she is leaving them with you at least its with you and not someone you don't know. i think i would talk to someone about custody. but so you know, its a struggle being a step parent. i hope this helps and if you want to talk i'm here.

I went threw the same thing with my ex husband. He would allow his ex wife to drop off their daughter anytime she felt like it. And I was always the one who had to take care of her because he was at work. I finally put my foot down!! I informed both of them that if she was going to be dropped off that they both needed to ask me if it was okay since I was the one taking care of her! His ex wife didnt like it to well but she got over it! We had five kids between us and I worked full time! Now that we are divorced, he doesnt bother to see our daughter very often or even call her regularly. He makes empty promises to her etc. He doesnt even pay child support. Alot of people say i shouldnt let him see her, but she loves her daddy and wants to see him. Im not going to make her pay the price for his mistakes. As for my step daughter....I still see her alot and she stays at my house quite often!! Sometimes we have to take a step back and look at things from the childs view. Its hard to put your anger aside but it will pay off in the long run!!

I think that you both need to step up and tell the ex's how you are feeling. If your ex doesn't want to take his child then take him back to court and get his rights taken away. This will help your child to feel like he doesn't matter to dad. (Trust me they do feel that way, been there and done that)
As for your boyfriend, yes it is good that he is seeing his kids...but he has to say no! He needs to lay down the law with her and same goes if she doesn't want the kids then take her to court.
If I was to guess you are both scared that the other person is going to say and that is silly!!! Stand up for your kids and in the end do what you think is right!
Good Luck

well unfortunately I have been through that and am still in it. I had left my first husband and gotten a divorce and have 2 kids with him. well I eventually got re-marryed to another man and eventually started talking to the ex more often and for what ever reason started talking nicer or "softer" to him and it caused so douts within my husband at the time and eventaully I ended up running wether it was out of fear or because of the unresolved feelings that i had for my ex. either way i ended up back with my first husband of which I had the kids with and now sometimes well.....I just want you to make sure that there arn't still feelings there for your ex before you or someone else gets hurt. in my eyes just let old bones lye. Or else you will have to lye in the bed you dig up if you get what I mean.. Don't hurt the man you are currently with you may regret it I did. and his ex is wrong and you guys should not give back those kids think of it as if it were you doing it what do you think they should do ????????

First it sounds like the ex's are taking advantage of you both. But you can't begrudge your boyfriend time with his kids. Just as he can't you with yours. However, if it is truly that your exes are not taking their full responsibilities because someone (you or your boyfriend) is "willing to bail them out" then, before you get mad at his, deal with yours first. Put it in writing, sit down with a calendar (2 copies for you & him) and say, "look, we need to be clear as to when we each get the kids." Decide how you want to handle holidays. I would just keep that consistant from year to year. the kids will know what to expect and it's easier for all you to plan. Understandable that sometimes things happen, but have back up plan. If he calls and has to leave town for work or whatever when he's assigned time, then he better be prepared to have them for the next 2 in a row (if it's weekends). If he says, well I have things that come up that I need to do, explain that when you know he's going to have the kids, you make plans to complete projects or whatever that are easier to do solo, so that disrupts your plans too. There must be mutual respect. Once you have your ducks in a row and things still are not going as well on the other end, do the same thing. Just remember when you got together you got together with his kids too. And sometimes kids mean you have to last minute change plans, but it doesn't mean you need to be the tracks for the impending train.

I think if you want to maintain the relationship with your boyfriend, you will just accept the situation. You don't have to like it or agree with it, but just accept it and not bring it up anymore. To him, having his kids with him is just like you having your son with you. He should spend as much time with them as possible. It may not be "arrangement" but I am sure he would rather have his kids with him when his ex takes off for the weekend rather than anyone else. Besides, his kids really are his first priority. I doubt anything will change, even if you do beg, plead or get mad. I think it is in the kids interest if you just let them be with their dad whenever they get the chance. I am sure if they had a choice in the matter, they would want him living with them full time.

The only other thing i can suggest is dating someone without kids or not dating at all until your kiddo is up and out.

You can't force someone to love and nuture their children or the kids will feel the affects. While it's not right for her to drop them off and disappear it is better than what could be happening. I have a whole family full of ex's and friends with exs. My best advice is to keep a journal. Every time your ex doesn't take his child and every time his ex drops them off and disappears...write it down. It may come in handy for the future.
With his ex, a suggestion of the children living with you guys and visiting her might straighten her up. But make it an offer not a threat. Who knows she might just see the benefits in the arrangement.