The Crux of the Problem...

Well, here are some things that are helpful for me.

If someone interrupts me I'll say, "Please let me finish." If they keep on talking I'll wait. No use fighting a brick wall. When they're done I'll say something like, "I heard what you said (repeat it back briefly). You started talking before I was finished. I do not like being interrupted. When I'm interrupted I feel ______ (ex. frustrated, hurt, rejected, ______). I want to have this discussion, but I am not willing to continue if you are not willing to _______ (ex. lower your voice, stop cussing, stop interrupting, etc. (keep it concrete...rather than say, "stop disrespecting me" - because that's open to interpretation - keep it to what YOU want in concrete terms))."

Then, I've learnt to ask a willingness question like, "Are you willing to have this discussion without interrupting each other?" If yes, the discussion is open. If not, you can say, "Please let me know when/if you are willing. I really want to find resolution."

If I'm feeling too heated to think strait, I try to take a short time out. Say, "I'm feeling too heated and want to think strait. I am going to take a three minute break and then will be right back." This gives me a chance to speak rationally, rather than from anger.

Also, using feelings statements (is cheesy and exhausting) really, really helpful. "I feel like you are _________ (not listening, are attacking me, are a jerk)," is NOT a feelings statement. Those are thoughts.

I am learning to determine my feeling, my want/need, and ask a willingness question.

For example, "When you came in the door and said hi to the kids without acknowledging me as well, I felt invisible and rejected. I was really excited to see you and want you to give me attention because I yearn for your validation. Are you willing to look at this and/or try to meet my needs/wants?"

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My 4 year old does this :) Let *her* finish. Then ask "are you done?", THEN state your point. If she starts to interrupt again, let her talk. She will either get a clue or run out of things to say.

That, or stop talking to her.

Have you ever gone to therapy?

Looking back over your other posts it looks like you did come from an unusual situation.. This seems to have lead you to think you can or need to turn into what you consider a "normal or average" family.

Things to consider..
No one has a normal family..
YOU cannot change anyone.
Just because you love them and want them to change is not enough.. and that is ok...
People will only change if THEY think it is a good idea.
Most people do not think they need to change.

If you went to therapy, you could really discuss all of the nitty gritty with someone, who could then help you, find some tools for communication. Will know all of the history.
Will help you decide what YOU need to do to accept these people as they are or to purge them if needed or to include them in the therapy at some point so you all can learn to communicate with each other.. .

You deserve to be heard. To be respected and to love yourself first.
Acceptance is an amazing thing, it will change your life. It will help you with your own children so you do not end up perpetuating the way you were raised.

Everybody needs someone who listens to them. You are worth the time and energy. Your children deserve a mom who is confident and has the tools to pass along to her own children, stability.

She doesn't sound teachable. I have found that most people that will not allow another to speak to have several issues:
1. Control; If they are not the ones directing the course of the discussion they get louder and louder.
2. Empathy; they do not feel empathy for the one not being heard. Although, if they feel they are not being heard they have a meltdown.
3. Personality Disorder; they feel as if their opinion is the only one worth anything.
They say we teach people how to treat us. I don't know if I always agree with that... some people are simply severly obnoxious and rude. But dear, Are you modeling for your children that your mother is allowed to mistreat you and your feelings, devalue you, and generally throw temper tantrums to get her way... just because she insists it be this way? You know it is only a matter of time before she does your children the same way. My mother in law acted this same way. After I took it for 15 years I finally had had enough. My husband would not say anything so I did. I wrote her telling her that while I valued her as a person, I would not put up with her manipilations another day. I then outlined all the ways she manipulated and ran roughshod over my requests and disrespected my position as my husband's wife and my children's mother. I then told her that until she was ready to change I know longer needed nor wanted her involvement with me or my children. She was angry. She didn't speak to me for over a year. Several of her family members called me during that time and told me that she would never apologize. I told them that I didn't require an apology. Just a different relationship that didn't come at my cost or my children's. I didn't bad mouth her. I didn't insult her, but I also didn't back down. She eventually called me. Told me she missed her grandchildren and that she was sorry. I didn't dwell on it but I couldn't go back to the way things were previously. She said she understood...She has done much much better. It was a long year, and there were times when I thought it might not happen. But it did. She eventually saw that I thought enough of myself to stop the disrespect. I wish you the best of luck. I really hope it gets better for you.:)

My Mother is exactly the same way... if we are doing this in person - I will walk away from her or raise my voice to drown her out. If we are on the phone, I hang up on her. Needless to say - she's not learned to allow me to finish a damn sentence... even if it's not something we are arguing about - she just interrupts everyone.