Terrible Threes or Just Needs More Disciplining??

It sounds like there might be a moment where you could gently give empathy *instead* of trying to change his emotions. Think about it, if you were upset about something, disappointed and sad that you couldn't do something~ would you want someone to just change the subject and try to make you feel better by being silly while you were upset? Would you feel understood? I would try taking a moment to say "Hey, I know you wanted X and I see you are upset. Sometimes it's hard for me to wait for things too." and THEN move along to the great idea of 'the thing you say yes to'. You are really close, in my opinion, I just know that we can't change their attitude (at this age) about being disappointed by banishing him, right?:)

It's okay to also just let him be mad. I wouldn't have taken a child on the horse when they were pissed off. I would have just let them be all done, gone out to the car and said, "well, you didn't say you wanted to go on, so we'll go another time." Let him have his emotions-- give him context for it, but do let him be allowed to feel upset. You don't need to fix it every single time.

He's trying to exert his independence.
Expressing himself.
While you want to be consistent, telling him no to the balloon then letting him ride the horse after throwing a tantrum is sending mixed messages.
My son went through a "trying to assert his independence at this age".
It's temporary and part of their growing experience. '
It's natural & normal. It's what you do w/the "assertions" that matter.
When you send him to his room for doing something wrong, set a timer.
(One min per year of their age.)
It's simply a stage.
Be consistent but clear and kind in your teaching.
He will get it, grow and soon outgrow temper tantrums.
As they age, the will have other stages of growth along the way (pre-teen
years, teenage years etc).
Be fair, be smart, be loving, be a teacher & guide.

I suggest that you're paying too much attention to his response. If redirecting his attention before actually saying no isn't working, let him express his disappointment. Don't try to stop him but don't also try to change his feelings. Say something sympathetic, such as I know you're disappointed and walk away. Continue to send him to his room if his presence and behavior is annoying but do so sympathetically. "I'm sorry you're upset. Please go to your room until you calm down." Then ignore him. Let him play or do what he wants to help himself calm down.

I suggest he's continuing to react because doing so gets him more attention and because he wants you to understand how upset he is. Confirm that you know he's upset and that it's OK to be upset but it's not OK to go on and on about it.

As to giving him something else that he wants why do that? You can give him a choice to stop with the pouting so that he can ride the pony or to continue pouting and not ride the pony. I wonder why the balloon wasn't acceptable but the pony ride is. Perhaps he's reacting to not understanding the reasons for that. I would not offer the pony ride because he's not behaving. In a way you're rewarding him for misbehaving. He's only 3 and is confused by adding something pleasant after saying no to something else.

Some things are not negotiable. You MUST wear your seat belt, walk on the sidewalk, eat dinner at the table, etc.
Sometimes it's okay to give a choice or two, do you want to wear the blue shoes or white ones? Do you want PB & J or turkey for lunch?
Sometimes the choices/rewards are based on the situation, you can play with the play doh after you clean up the Legos. You can have a cookie after you eat a healthy lunch.
Finally, some things need to be understood ahead of time. We are going to the store and we will not be buying any extras (balloons, toys, candy, etc.) but you CAN pick out one special thing (a cereal, ice cream, whatever.) Have a plan BEFORE you leave the house so he understands.
Giving warnings helps too. We will be eating in fifteen minutes so the TV is going off at that time, or we need to leave in ten minutes so please get your shoes on and choose a jacket now.
Giving him a few choices and some control over what he gets should make him more likely to cooperate and behave for the most part.
Of course the most important thing is to be consistent with your expectations and not to react strongly to tantrums or fits. It's not your job to "cheer him up" when he doesn't get his way, it's your job to teach him the behavior you expect. Most three year olds WANT to be good, but they need boundaries and guidance to do that, and it's a process, something that happens over time. Your consistency will teach him that.

Yes 3 is a frustrating age. They do not understand all of the feelings they are having and so a big melt down is their frustration showing. You probably realize when a melt down is about to begin.. You can help him by giving him the words and acknowledging what he is feeling.

"You look frustrated. Do you need a hug?"

"Are your feelings hurt? Do you want to come sit next to me?"

" Are you embarrassed because they laughed?"
" They did not mean to hurt your feelings." Or "Use your words to tell them, you do not like when they laugh at you. "

If he is just being a pill and you know he is not tired, or hungry.
I treat these behaviors like whining. I do not see it and I do not understand it. I would tell our daughter, it looks like you need some quiet time. Get your colors out. Or go and look at books for a little while.

Before we go to the store, I told our daughter, we are not buying any treats or toys. Do not even ask. She knew we had snacks in my purse or in the car. I never gave in, After a successful shopping, I would thank her for being my helper. Or thank her for following the rules.

If it was going to be a long day, I gave her the heads up. "We are going to be gone for 4 hours. If you get tired, let me know and we will come home for your nap."

If she threw a fit or misbehaved. I swooped her up and placed her in the car and left. Only took 1 time for her to know I was not kidding.

He is getting ll of these very strong feeling and does not always know the words or his options for handling them.. You can help him learn this.

He's doing that because he's realized that if he does that, you will do something to make him happy.

I know you hate to see him sad and disappointed, but sadness and disappointment are part of life and he needs to learn how to have and manage those feelings. Trying to always make him happy is a huge mistake - I know because I made that mistake with my daughter.

Ignore his pouting and whimpering. ONce he realizes that it's not getting him anywhere, he will stop.

As for sitting down in the supermarket and refusing to walk, I'd say "goodbye" and walk on to the car. Believe me, you won't get but a few steps and he'll be right behind you.

You have to let him know that YOU are driving the bus, not him. Right now, he's in the driver's seat.

Oh man, this is the age! There are more questions in Mamapedia for three yr olds than any other age. You just had the training wheels taken off of your parenting!
You need to find a disapline that works and stick to it. Love and logic is great and I have heard good things about 123 magic.
I will tell you that you are in for a rough couple of years. Search Mamapedia for tons of questions and helpful answers about 3 yr olds.
Keep encouraging him to use his words. Teach him the words for his emotions, like frustrated. But don't let him rule the day. If he falls out on the floor after being told no then the shopping trip is over. It's a good thing to go there to practice when you don't really need anything. Then you leave everything wher it is and go home. If he is still rageing in the carseat then stand outside the car till he gets over it. Do not try to placate him, he will think he has power over you. It's just the age.
Ignore what you can. But don't listen to whining or screaming. He goes to his room till he can stop it. You can't hear him when he whines. Go about your business. If you give in now to whining, you will be doing it for a LONG time. I love when they get 5, live for 5!

From roughly the half year to bdays, kids regress and act up. It's the way it is, but after the rough period, there is a big developmental leap and a calm.

Just remain consistent.

Don't ask him what's wrong. That just opens the door to his antics. Also, there's no need to cheer him up when he's upset over not getting what he wants. Don't apologize for being the parent and saying no.

Go read my post on my head exploding, hug your son, and be so grateful that he is as good as he is!!! ;) Seriously, though, a bit of ignoring him will probably nip this very minor issue right in the bud.

3 is a challenge, that's all there is to it.

Really, I don't think you need a fancy new method of discipline, you just need to stick to the guns you've got. If he's pouting, don't do anything to cheer him up. Just act empathetic yet cheerful yourself. If you signal to him that pouting is a big deal, he'll get the message that sad or frustrated feelings are an emergency, and react accordingly.

Also -- I've never been a punishment-centered parent, but when my son was 3, I took to putting his favorite toys on top of the fridge when he melted down unreasonably. He actually seemed really relieved by this response. Young children crave structure. They challenge it, but they also find it deeply comforting when you affirm that the world has boundaries and consequences.

Finally, this could be something as simple as a growth spurt, or he could be stretching out bedtime and therefore getting sleep-deprived. My son is 6 1/2, and I'm still stunned by the problems that can be fixed by food and sleep.

My son is going to be 4 in July and we have this exact situation! He is the sweetest little cuddle bug one minute, but the moment something doesn't go the way he wants he turns into a wailing little monster! I've tried reasoning with him--that doesn't work. I've tried re-directing him-he's not having that. I've tried ignoring him-he stands in front of me pulling on my arm. Admittedly I've shouted a fair few times--I do not advise this--though he does stop the loud wailing... The most effective solution for us is to send him directly to his room and we wait about 5 min regardless of the loud wailing he puts on. This does a few things: it allows me to calm down and be the grown up and allows him to see that screaming isn't going to get him anywhere. After those minutes I call him down and we sit with him on my lap snuggling and talk about what went wrong and why that behaviour was unacceptable. He can understand the behaviour is wrong at the time and will apologise and become my sweet boy again, however we do this at least 1x day. I'm interested in how others handle this?