Teenagers - Chino, CA

Good Morning A.. Teenagers are definitely a tough phase to go through. I have my share too!! My suggestion with boys and going out is just be tough and ask lots of questions. I learned with my oldest that the more you restrain them, the more sneaky they become. I ask lots of questions, stay involved and drive the kids to and from where they want to go. My oldest is a boy. So with the girlfriend, I invited the girlfriends family over for dinner. So with being more acquainted with the family, it is harder for them to pull something when you are not looking so close. Just remember, you are their mom and not their "friend." What also helps me is that I provide a home where the kids are excited about hanging out at. I know it is stressful and crazy, but at least I know where they are and what they are doing. Good luck and if you have more questions, email away!!

W.

I feel your pain!! I have three teenage daughters, good kids, no drugs or alcohol either but the drama is unending! My husband pretty much says "hormones, what can you do", but that doesn't make living with it any eaiser. I wish I could offer some great advice, I have none but to just let you know your not alone and if you ever need an ear to listen, I'd be glad to.

im 30 yrs old w 3 little girls. i remember talking to boys and dating at that age too. now that im a mom and looking back, i wish my mom was more strict about things. i would say to give them boundries of what "u " feel is appropriate. talk w them about it so they know what to expect and what will happen if they dont follow the rules but not in a pointing your finger at them way or they will just tone you out.also this is when girls are very sensetive about boys and how boys act or feel for them. make sure to explain how a boy should treat them w respect and if they don't , they don't have to be their girlfriend. maybe use each sister as an example.you wouldn't want a boy to treat sis #1 this way or that way.keep your standards high.also just keep in mind that u too were once a teenager and remember how it was for you.kids grow up much faster these days and i'm shocked about things i see or hear going on.let them feel they can come to u to talk about anything.

I don't have any teenagers but it wasn't too long ago that I was a teen. I'm only 23 so I still remember what I did in high school. I wasn't a bad kid, got good grades, did club activities, even graduated with honors. I just remember my mom telling me that she trusted me whenever I went out. Those words rang in my head all the time. It got me out of some tight spots. I had a curfew and followed it as best I could. Yes we get rebellious but what teen doesn't. My mom wasn't really a big part of my life in high school, I actually talked more to my friends and didn't confide to my mom. She remarried and had 3 little ones right after so I was pretty much on my own. Be glad that you're daughters are confiding in you. Listen to them, don't judge them and say things like "it's only high school it's not important" because to them it is. I remember all I wanted from my mom was an ear to listen but she always had something to say and I didn't want that. Show them whose the parent but also try to be their friend. GOOD LUCK!

A. ~ Wow, 4 girls huh? and I thought I had it rough with 2!As far as the drama with BF and BFF and boys, that will always happen. At least they are talking to you and keeping you in the loop. I agree about their friends being at your home. I too have an early curfew for my girls. My 20 year old has to be home by 11:00 5 days a week (her choice which days) and 1:30 two days a week (which he has to tell me she is using prior to leaving the house). My 17 year old has to be home by 11:00 on weekends if she is driving and 11:45 if one of her friends is driving. During the week, she is not allowed to go out, except to school activities and/or work and then she must be home by 9:30. You have to set your limits, explain them to the girls, give them the consequences if they don't abide by the rules and then enforce the rules if they break them. Also, you may look into a really good book called Boundries for Teenagers. There is a workbook that goes with it. You can get them at any Barnes and Nobel. You may not follow it exactly, but it may give you some good ideas, if cannot hurt that's for sure. Talk to them about boys and their friends, tell them you are there for them if they want your advice, you have years of wisdom that they will seek if you put it out there, but don't be mad if they don't take your advice, just keep giving it whenever they ask. My 20 year old recently came to me about boyfriend drama. I was so surprised and it really felt good. She told me that she had talked to her BFF and the advice she was giving just didn't seem enough, so she wanted to talk to me because she knew I would be fair, look at all sides and have "something smart" to say and "excellent advice." That just about blew me away, but I gave my advice, she actually took it and things have worked out, she and I have a great relationship as well as with my youngest daughter and I really believe its because I'm no nonsense, fair and ALWAYS there for them, NO MATTER WHAT. However, I don't make their drama mine. I just say what I want to say, when asked and leave it alone after that. Let me know how it works out. I wish you well and sincerely hope for the best. Remember, you've done well no drugs and alcohol in this day and age is a huge success. drama can be worked out with communication. Best of luck!

I have a 19 yr old daughter. She was on drillteam her whole highschool. Lot of drama.lol. I agree with having them there. My daughters friends always hung at our house. They all knew the house rules. I was a strick mom. Curefew was 11:30 always. I lucked out though, my daughter didn't have a boyfriend in high school, she was just to busy. I think that is the way to go. Get them involved and keep them busy. Sometimes that keeps the drama down.

Duct tape and handcuffs. LOL, Got 3 of the teens in my house and usually a dozen of thier friends. I'm also asst. manager at round table pizza with about 25 more of them for crew members. Part time jobs are great for them,supervised, wage earning, responsibilities,etc. After school activities keep them busy,too. They are almost adults and need just a few more years of fine tuning to be functional, productive members of our society.

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Dear A.,

You and your husband are very lucky people. The kids like to be in your home, no drugs, no alcohol. Drama you had better learn how to cope with. Your children are doing great, and they are living the life that God gave them. Be grateful. Good Grief !! Stop whining. C. N.

I am a single parent of 3 teenage daughters. I don't exactly understand. I have problems with my oldest, she's 17. And I tell it like it is. I never sugar coat nothing. I don't let her date or go on dates. They only see each other at school. Kids (boys or girls) come hang out at my house, only if I'm home. And most of the time it is one big group.
I see it like this and I tell them and their friends, "As long as they are under my roof, what I say goes". "You want to do what you want. Move out". Their friends even respect that. I play no games or take no childs BS.
I wish you luck. Raising 3 teenage daughters is no picnic.