Teenager and Responsibilities....

If she's receiving a weekly allowance, she should get it for doing her normal chores and contributing in everyday ways to family life - such as stacking the dishwasher, vacuuming once a week, and taking the garbage out. If she would like to earn more money, you can offer her additional jobs such as mowing the lawn and cooking family meals etc. it doesn't have to be complicated.

I personally think you are asking a lot of your daughter since she is too young to get a job and as you acknowledged there are not any kids in the neighborhood for her babysit.
Having a hobby is great and will help keep your daughter out of trouble through the teen years. I think you should not only encourage it but support her and pay for it.
My kids (15 and 10 yo) job is school. I expect them to work to the best of their ability. Helping around the house is just something my kids have to do. I don't pay them for it.

May I ask what you are hoping to teach her by making her pay for this sport? How will it make her a more viable member of society? If you can't answer either question in the positive I feel like you are doing this because you think it sounds good, that is a stupid reason to make her pay.

I always paid for sports or hobbies my kids were in as children. That is part of my budget and it teaches them nothing to pawn it off on them. Both of my kids found jobs at 13. Yes there are jobs out there for 13 year olds they just have to find them. You want a teaching moment, watch them find a job.

It is just, why put the pressure on her by pushing what you have paid for on her?

Both kids saved damn near everything. They paid when they went out with friends, dresses and clothes for dances, they paid for their extras that they wanted. This taught them that if you want more than is in their budget you find a way to earn it, that is a real lesson. They both saved up for their cars. When they got cars they paid to maintain the car and insurance.

I don't know, maybe it is just me but I prefer real lessons, real world lessons.
_________________
No kid is really grateful for what they have but making them pay for what they were given will not make them grateful, they will only see it as you are pawning it off on them. Make her think about what she wants in the future and help her figure out how to get it.

My daughter is younger, so maybe I just don't get it... but I don't understand making her pay for so much of an extracurricular. She is 13, so it's not like she can legally work. Maybe don't make her pay, per se, but pay it yourself with the understanding that she does her part and pulls her weight around the house as a contributing member of the family (which may mean babysitting, cleaning, etc.).

I guess I just see it as healthy for kids to connect with animals AND to do things they enjoy. And horse riding isn't exactly easy (that is, it's physically good for your daughter, too). I just can't imagine making my 13-year-old pay for soccer or dance, so I wouldn't make her pay for riding horses, either. BUT I know that wasn't your question, and maybe I don't quite get the full scope of what your daughter is doing. So, to answer that, I wouldn't have her pay for the riding but rather, have her understand that it is a privilege, which means she does more around the house (but not pay her dollar values, exactly.... just extra chores or happily doing things like watching her sister when the family as a whole needs it). Maybe that would simplify things...??? Good luck!

Y daughter was 7 when she started working at a stable. She helped mucking, getting feed ready, cleaning tack. I never paid for a riding lesson, ever. All of the boarders there and the owners loved her. Today she is a 37 year old confident equestrian. She trains horses, teaches riding and manages stables. In her spare time she does eventing.

In return for working, she was given lessons. At 10 years o,d she was a whip for a hunt club. When she got older she also received a paycheck too.

I would have your daughter look into working and getting lessons in return or at least discounted.

oops sorry answered the wrong question

Most children and teenagers are NOT grateful for what they have, because they lack the maturity and life experience to really appreciate it. Hell I know plenty of adults who still haven't learned this lesson! Gratitiude is something one learns over a lifetime, it's a constant process, and this a long time complaint of parents over many generations, "these kids today, they just don't appreciate what they have, when I was a kid I didn't have it so easy like you, blah, blah, blah."
She's 13. She can't possibly earn enough money to pay for something as expensive as riding lessons.
If this is something you want to provide for her, then do it. If not, then don't. If you are going to tie in chores and/or babysitting make sure you sit down with her and explain EXACTLY what you expect. Honestly, I don't expect that to work very well, though. Your own children tend to be the worst employees, I mean, you can't fire them! Plus I HATED watching my younger siblings, even when I got paid (which was almost never.) I don't think having her watch her sister is going to be fun, because younger sibs just don't want to listen to older sibs (just like teenagers don't want to listen to their parents!)

i understand your point about being ungrateful. I think the issue is you got her involved in a really expensive hobby.

This is the definition of spoiled (not the hobby, but not having to do anything). Believe me, I am shocked at somethings my six year old expects and it is a reality check that we need to get back on track. It is too easy to do things faster instead of teaching our children. Example: I will make all the beds incase someone is coming over so it is done fast and looks nice. It would be better if they make them and i take photos of age 5, 5.5, 6 and show the improvement.

Is horse back-riding her collateral (the thing she puts high value on and will do things to earn it)? I think you should ask her what she should do to earn it (or other material things). She might say washing the windows or doing the dishes after dinner. You need to make up the terms (just like a house cleaner or baby sitter). You need to give specific directions.

how about this, sit her down and have a talk, Lets pretend right now that she gets to go 4 x a month, mabye explain that you need to drop it down to 2 x a month but that you are willing to offer her the chance to get an extra lesson or 2. thenpause and see if she is interested and i'm hoping she would ask what had to happen to get the extra lessons. Then you could explain, your list of 5 things cheerfully set the table, etc etc.

I think it gets confusing and i'm not sure how to make it less so, because it's tying money to behavoir plus you have the extra problem of (i'm assuming here) being a little tight on the money, but yet having enough to pay bills and stuff so it makes it hard to see how expensive a hobby it is.

I am thinking about starting an allowance for my 10 yo this summer and i haven't in the past because i don't want to give him money just to throw away on junk and i feel i needed him to be in control of what he spent it on but i couldnt' give up the control yet, if that makes sense. I also have certain chores i expect them to do that they are capable of, but finding
Extra stuff for him to do that could earn him extra was hard.
It is complicated i can't figure it out myself.

If you are going to translate household chores and babysitting into money for riding lessons, then you have to set a value for each chore. I.e., cleaning the bathroom equals X dollars.

You also have to set up expectations of what is clean - a 13 year old's version of clean may not be your version of clean - in short, you will have to teach her to complete the task first to avoid any miscommunication on what the "cleanliness" expectations are. Same with babysitting - what are the expectations. When watching her sister swim does that mean she gets to play an electronic game or does that mean she has to be in the pool actively engaged with her sister.

Set a list of chores that she can reasonably handle, along with a time frame for completion. Again, i.e., bathroom to be cleaned every Wednesday. Go over the list with her, give her time to grouse and ask questions - in short, you are making a contract with her completing tasks and you "paying" her for those tasks.

If she comes up with additional ways to earn money, by all means let her approach you with the ideas and give them serious consideration. As that would be, to me, an indication of her willingness to "earn" her riding lessons.

For me, with my soon to be 17 year old son, he began assisting with household chores, in seriousness, when he was 12. We made a list of chores that included who did what and when the chores should be done (daily, weekly) and posted it on the refrigerator. As he has gotten older he has taken on more responsibilities around the house, especially now that I work 1.5 jobs. I do not pay him for chores - other than lawn mowing, and even that is nominal. Assisting with household chores is just part of being a family member - plus teaching him life skills.

I get that she seems to take what you give her for granted. My son did also. Until my finances drastically plunged 3 years ago. While he always had a vague idea of what I earned and what our expenses were, he paid no heed to it, because we always had money. When that changed, it was time for me to explain our finances in more detail to him. It was time for him to understand that the extras we had were going to be curtailed because the mortgage and electricity are more important. It was a painful lesson (for us both) but in the end I have a teen who thinks before he asks for something and is willing to compromise in order to stay within our budget. You may try the fiscal responsibility talk with your daughter also, as a way to explain why you feel she now has to "earn" her lessons.

Also, teens are pretty self centered - hence the grouchiness and lack of thanks. Sigh - it passes.

I am sort of confused. She's 13? And she has to get a job already? That's really young. If you can't afford the lessons tell her she has to drop them. Having financial issues isn't something that is all that uncommon now.

I think it is great that you want your daughter to have appreciation for the lessons and not take them for granted. It is also good for you to expect her to have a nice attitude.

She probably can't earn enough to pay for the lessons at 13. I babysat regularly starting at age 11, but in those days I got 1$ per hour !!! Honestly, even with my allowance, I couldn't pay for my gymnastics and piano lessons. But you're darn right my parents would have had NONE of me acting ungrateful or bossy either. It was very clear to me that our family was on a tight budget and I was very lucky to have the lessons. I had to practice and do my best and keep a nice attitude to keep the classes. My parents would have disciplined a snotty attitude, but I don't remember that being necessary.

I did have to use my own money for "extras" though, like riding my bike to the general store for ice cream etc.... And as I got older, 13-ish, I had to purchase some of my necessities too, so I had to learn how to budget for fun stuff vs. necessities. By high school I was working two jobs and buying all my own clothes and leisure activities (for which I had little time). I had to put aside some for college as well as apply for scholarships if I wanted my parents to help.

So yes, the time is now to start little by little so that she doesn't turn into an entitled teen, but she probably can't pay for the lessons. Don't feel bad if you can't always swing them though, it's OK if she has to do without at times. But you should have her save allowance and earn some money. My 7-year-old has been playing violin out on the sidewalk during First Friday art walks this summer and has made a lot of cash by just being out there for like 30 minutes! I told her she has to start saving for a computer or pet dog if she wants those in a few years.

Yours is old enough to babysit. If you really can't find ways for her to earn money from other people (lemonade stand-helping with a yard sale-making jewelry to sell), then you do need to pay her for extra chores she comes up from you that are above and beyond the chores she needs to do as a normal family member. And once she does earn some money, make her save some and buy her own things. Maybe chipping in on horse lessons would be appropriate at that point. Discipline bad attitude separately.