Teenager

My inspiration = "and this too shall pass"

I have 3 boys, 18, 15 and 12. My 18 yr old is now polite and friendly, he started the grumpy behavior at 12 and it got worse thru about 16 1/2 - then he started slowly becoming human again. Now I LOVE spending time with him.

As for my 15 yr old - OHH he is a challenge every day.... If he smarts off to me, or is dis-respectful in anyway - he goes no where that day, or the next day. He gets really mad, then he'll apologize and it will be a week or two before it happens again. It's just all part of growing up and it will get better. Just be firm and be consistent..

Good LUCK
D.

I bought the book Bringing up Boys by Dr James Dobson...and it said something about this. It's under the chapter Mother and Sons...page 90. Along the lines of him talking like that to you is his way of distancing from you in order for him to become the man he is trying to be. And you stand in the way...and that sometimes it's the boys who had the closest relationship with their mother's that really struggle with this....very interesting book.

God Bless you.

Good Morning B.,

I have 5, 4 of whom survived their teenage years. My youngest is 15, for a few more weeks. Try not to take his funky attitude too personally; most of it is genetic-a testostrone fueled by-product of growing up. I think its a form of separation anxiety. Boys just seem to push their momma away and "put us in our place" in search of their own manhood. Can I love and need my momma like I do and call myself some little girl's man? I'm really scared to...in my son's case it was go to the barber alone...therefore I become angry and defensive and make sure you know that I'M NOT 10 ANYMORE! Girl, know that boy is trying to convince himself and if he can sell it to momma, maybe he can sell it to the world. You're safe harbor, trust your son is sure of that and know he's only testing his sea legs. This too will pass and on the other side you'll find a strong, loving, responsible man where that little boy once stood. And you'll know you both done good.

Hope this helps

Blessings
M

Have you read any of the Love and Logic books? Most libraries have them. I got Parenting Teens with Love and Logic at Half Price books. If you don't have the time to search for it HPB or the library here is the website. I teach middle school and it has been a godsend for me in the classroom. I plan on raising my son using alot of the Love and Logic methods. http://www.loveandlogic.com/

Hey everything will work out just fine.
I have a 23 year old young man and a 6 year old boy and I survived the first time and I am fully aware of the drama's that arise and getting ready for it all to happen again.
We live in Sydney Australia and when the going gets tuff, exercise!!!! Being involved in any sports and letting all that testosterone release thru physical activity really helps, as well get involved with him doing the sport, like be his biggest fan and reassure him he's doing a fantastic job!Always tell him how much you love him and that he is a true angel, and when he's older as my 23yr old is you then get to know how much you are appreciated and loved back, just work through this time with him I guarentee it all gets better and I certainly adore every moment with both my sons.
Take Care and all the best, Liz C.

B.,
You better hang on because it won't get better until he is in his 20's. I tell everyone that the end product of a baby boy is a husband. If he's a good kid give him some space and he will eventually get better. Pick your battles. I raised 7 kids most of them successfully.
N. Cox

Taking away his cell phone and making him stay home for x-amount of time would be a good punishment. Do not feed into his wails. Do not even give a hint of when you'll return his cell phone/out of the house priviledge. Remember you are the adult and he's the child who should respect you. Make him detail your car... scrub the house bathrooms.... prepare meals... wash windows... you get the idea.

B.,
He will likely grow out of it, but ignoring it now will not do either of you any favors. If taking his phone is the best attention getter, then go with it! We all had to call our parents when we go to wherever we were going. He can do the same. Better yet, have the parent of the kids he is with call you. This shows him that if he wants to be immature and hurtful he will be treated like a petulant child. I know this sounds harsh but you need to address this before it gets worse.You DESERVE to be respected by your son.

Not much comfort, but it is a stage. However, not an acceptable stage. You need to sit him down and go over respect and the value of it. Consequences can be no drivers' ed, no need to have a phone because you are not going anywhere. He will return to the boy you once knew, but be patient, he's exploring his options right now, kinda spreading his hormonal wings - UGH!
Let him know ow much you love him, but this behavior is not acceptable.
Hope this helps,
J.

I have 3 teenagers.... 15, 16, & 17..... I feel your pain. I hear it's temporary. I hope it is! Just don't interact with him if it seems like a situation that would cause the tone... that's all I have to suggest.

One of mine is a jerk in the morning... so I don't talk to that one if I can help it. Mine are all good kids. So I try to remind myself that this part that is hard is very small in the scheme of things. It may not be the "right" way to do it... but I'm doing my best!

B., as a mom of a 22 year old son, I remember very well my son's overnight change in personality quite like yours. Don't be alarmed, it is their coming of age of independence and the need to feel 'rulers of their own world' that seems to emerge around this age. Those will be great qualities when honed in the right direction, and he will be back to the loving, respectful son that he is. People's basic characters usually does not change, just their forms of expression. And that is caused usually by feelings of insecurity, anxiousness or confusion. They want to feel 'manly' and we as their mom's are the one's that have always taken care of them. It's a natural pulling away so as not feel the need to be taken care of. Make sense? Anyway just be loving and patient, it will pass! You may want to just keep a good eye on any changes of friends since they have a strong influence at this age.

Hang in there,
Deb

B.,

I have no idea if this applies to your son, but I wanted to throw a thought out to you. I was a very responsible young girl. My mom died when I was 8. I felt that I needed to care for my younger sister. But, I think I reached a point in high school where I just wanted to have fun. I didn't want to be so responsible. I rebelled a bit. Perhaps he needs to know it is ok to be a kid. Enjoy life. Maybe he feels he is responsible for you and his sister as the man of the house. If this is the case, let him know you don't expect him to assume that responsibility. Maybe it will take some pressure off him, and he will not act out at you. Just some thoughts...
A.

my kids are still little, but what I hear from friends is that you have to hit him where it hurts- his spending money. Make up a list of infractions with him and the "fines" that he will have to pay. I hear it works, but haven't gotten to that stage yet. Good Luck!

Should the problem persist, here is a tip:

Boredom is the Kryptonite of teenagers!

My teen son was repeatedly disrespectful and defiant, so we grounded him for the weekend. This meant, simply sit on the edge of your bed without any phone, video, audio, or distractions of any kind. He was allowed to read his Bible. The first day he daydreamed and acted as if he could care less. Day two got a bit less pleasant. Later he told us it was the WORST punishment he'd ever had. He said "after a while you run out of things to think about - and the only thing you CAN think about is how you got in this spot and how much you don't ever want to do this again!" (And now, isn't that the whole point?)

We call this little move being put "On The Shelf" because that is what you do with things that are not useful - you sit them on a shelf out of the way. This technique requires no angst, no raising your voice or lecturing. The rest of the family simply goes about their business as usual - without the annoyance of the disrespect. Just pick a weekend that is at YOUR convenience.

Good luck! Mine is now in Army boot camp. They have a way of making your mean mama look REAL GOOD! Go Army!

It is a stage, but if you don't ck. him on it then it will get worse. We have 6, our oldest is 22 --- he was so difficult starting around 14 - 15. We did take the phone away. He allowed to have it when he was away, but the min. he walked in the door he surrendered it. I did tell him how hurtful he was to me and it seemed to help. He and I are very close and he is a mamas boy, but he did go through this. We had all of the same issues w/ the girls too. We took some big steps. We paid for church camp and then did not let either of them go, because of their attitude. Our girl commented that we were being crazy --- it was a church camp. My response, " obviously you are being taught to treat your friends w/ more respect then your parents and church has become a social event." Hang in there and let him no how much his attitude hurts and remind him that you are the one that loves him unconditionally, but love also has it's limits.