Teenage Son Vaping and Dabing

He's doing it for a few reasons: he's addicted (at least emotionally), he's able to afford it, and he doesn't have meaningful consequences.

You've grounded him multiple times - but it's not working. So you have to identify what he values. I'm guessing he values his computer, his phone, and his allowance.

He wants to be an adult? Great. He pays for those things. And if you aren't locking up valuables, start. Buy a fireproof safe at any office supply store, and put your jewelry and your wallet in there unless you are out of the house. Also any prescription drugs you have for yourself. He may be selling those. He loses his phone - because apparently he's using it to arrange for someone to purchase weed and juuls. He loses his computer unless he's at the kitchen table doing his homework where you can see things. Otherwise, he can go to the public library and use it under the librarian's supervision. I'd stop imposing things you cannot enforce. Yes, you can ground him but if you aren't watching him every second, he'll get resentful and be determined to beat you at this game. You have to work with him in areas where you have total control, and that's the finances.

Privacy - he is a minor, and he has no expectation of or right to privacy, short of you not opening the bathroom door when he's in there. That's it. His texts, his emails, and the contents of his room (including his bank account and the cash in his wallet) are your business as long as he is living in your house, a house you pay for. When he goes to take a shower, go in and go through his things, as you have been. I think random drug tests are one way to go. You cannot announce them, and they have to be done at the moment he wants something from you - like a ride someplace or an allowance or something else. And absolutely hold over his head the idea of a learner's permit and a driver's license - no way he's getting behind the wheel of a 3000 pound death machine if he's impaired or using substances it is illegal for him to purchase and use. If he breaks one law, he'll break others.

I think Lori's suggestion about having him talk to a police officer is a good one. We did that with our son when he did a dumb but inappropriate thing (following the lead of other kids) in 6th grade (not drug related). The principal called us all in, and said he wanted our kid to also talk to the school resource officer. The SRO wisely suggested we meet with him at the police station, not the school. He had a talk with our son about integrity and respect and so on, and basically said he didn't want to have a reason to see him there again. Your son is older and may be more jaded and defiant, but being on the police department's "radar" could be very sobering. I also think counseling would be important - and yes, you should all participate. If you are on the same page as your son's father, even better. I think a unified parental approach on a plan you agree to with an objective counselor will be better designed and easier to stick to.

Taking into account his college or other after-grad plans is one part of the approach, but kids under the age of 25 don't have the brain development to fully predict consequences yet, so they often just don't see the repercussions, or they don't care.

I agree with you about medicinal use, and recreational pot is now legal in my state. But there are plenty of things that are legal for adults that are not legal for kids and teens. So draw the distinction there. So I wouldn't have the "it's harmless" argument - I'd have the "you're a minor" argument.

You're wise to get on top of this. Don't let it go. I don't entirely agree with the "gateway drug" thing in terms of physical addiction, but I do worry about the reasons why some kids are smoking or vaping all the time and what their psychological draw to it is. If they have no way to afford it, the next step is stealing and shoplifting.

In my house, my kids followed my rules or literally got nothing other than what they absolutely needed to survive. Phone? Nope, don't need that. Internet? Nope, not that either. New clothing? Nope, thrift store. Nothing, not one single extra thing did my kids get if they didn't follow our rules. They got what they needed (warm clothing and food) nothing else.

Turn off the phone, turn off the internet, shop at the local thrift store, no rides, no allowance, no TV, nothing. Make him earn every single thing including the door on his room if you have to.

If these are the kinds of problems you are having (and kind of seem to have had for awhile now looking back at your other posts) now? Wait a year or two . . . it only gets worse, not better.

As an aside, my kids all got randomly drug tested in my home. I don't care that everyone is using pot or that it is "almost legal" - same with vaping. It is illegal in our state for someone under the 18 to either vape or smoke pot. My kids had to be law abiding citizens in my home - regardless of whether I or they agreed with the law. I told them they had their whole life after they move out to change the laws on whatever they wanted in the world, but in my house, my rules and one of them is that you have to follow the law.

Good luck.

Remind him in short order he will want to learn to drive. His behavior is such that there's no way you're going to trust him with that sort of privilege when he's so blatantly disregarding your authority.

I believe I would be doing random drug tests. It's proven that drug use is often started by weed which is a jumping off place to try other drugs. Doesn't really matter, it's illegal for him to vape until he's 18 (buying product). Weed legal age is often 21 - I don't know what the current law is in Florida (I know they were trying to pass it to be legal medicinally).

So here your young son is breaking two laws and he's 14? I would be talking to local law enforcement and making an appointment WITH my son to have an officer tell him what his future will look like if caught doing either. In Texas, if a kid is caught with cigarettes and or vaping products under the age of 18, they can be fined up to $700 if convicted and it's a class c misdemeanor. I think there's also a possibility of not being able to have a driver's license until 21.

I would let him know if a random drug screen comes back positive, you will be seeking the officer's guidance with next steps. Further, if any pot is ever found in his room, he will be personally turning it over to the authorities because you will not protect him from consequences he's earned.

As far as privacy...no teen has a right to privacy other than if they want to write in a journal. All things posted on social media, phones, etc., are subject to your seeing and his room is not a private place. He's giving you very real reasons to be vigilant and if he'd like to earn that back, he needs to earn your trust. You are absolutely fine to forgive any mistakes made, but when someone fractures trust, it has to be earned back. Teach him these important lessons now or you will be in so much misery later and he will be much harder if not impossible to reign in.

Make sure he knows who's in charge of your ship. Then make sure you make good on any consequences you've outlined. NO second chances. You can even have it drawn up in contract form (google teen contracts) so there is absolutely no way to misunderstand you mean business.

If this sounds harsh, please don't take it personally. I've worked for law enforcement and your son's behavior isn't harmless, it's setting patterns for how he will behave later. My kids were raised to respect the law, period. I never let them think for one second it was not big deal. Laws are laws not suggestions.

You are right to be concerned based off age, yes many use pot and it is legal in many states but there is a reason the age for use is 21, there is even research that shows that regular use as a teen boy going through puberty can have negative affects on future fertility. And we all know at this point how horrible nicotine is. I would treat the juuling the same I would smoking cigarettes because it is basically the same thing and is addictive and bad for his health with no benefits.

You need some help dealing with this. I went through it years ago with one of mine and being right won’t cut it. You are not going to explain and have him say “Oh, now I understand!” Some serious parenting help and back up is needed. I hope someone on here can point you in the right direction. You will have to be adamant that he stop and have some consequences in place if he refuses. I don’t think vapes are legal for underaged kids either.

Your house - your rules.
If son doesn't like that then he needs to work on his exit plan.
Have a sit down with him and talk about what his plans are for after graduation.
Is he college bound? Trade school?
When does he think he will be moving out and how does he think he's going to do that?
When he's living on his own he can make his own choices.
While he lives under your roof - whether he's an adult or not - he needs to live by your rules.
He needs to get his act together because if he makes life a living hell in your home then you can evict him when he is 18 and that solves it for you.
He's a minor living in your home and you are responsible for him and his actions - he's not entitled to privacy.
For that matter you have to provide him with a place to sleep - it can be a mattress on a floor - a few changes of clothing and a few meals - anything more than that is gravy and you don't have to give him a phone or allow him to get his drivers license or even a door for his room.
He needs to be constantly earning his perks with good behavior and if he's not doing that then he doesn't get any perks.

In the mean time you can try counseling.
Try talking to his guidance counselor or even your pediatrician for ideas about what you can do and what you should try.
I'd be very careful about his budding drug habits because he might start stealing to support it - start locking up the valuables and see where he's getting his money from.
Smoking anything of any sort is not allowed in our house.

Struggling with this too. My concern is more about the potential addiction than about breaking our rules. We've suspected and confronted him for months and I finally caught him red handed yesterday morning. Of course I took his vape kit away, but what now?

Teen nicotine use/addiction and other drug use is fueled by peer pressure. Even if he wanted to stop and did, the likelihood of him picking it up again in the future when around friends, is extremely high. He also admitted to trying pot twice on the bus ride home.

As a parent, keeping our kids away from this seems insurmountable. They are teenagers.
Even with open communication, discussions about the dangers, etc...we cannot stop them from choosing to try this stuff. It seems the only way to keep them from these dangers is to shelter them entirely. That is not an option, nor good parenting.

So what do we do? I haven't found any good advise on how to deal with this. It's not the same as traditional cigarettes were when we were teens. You can buy this stuff online. Any kid with a bank account and a debit card can get his hands on it, 18yrs old or not.