Teaching My 2 1/2 Year Old About Danger

Hi N., I had a very similar experience with my daughter. She remembered *exactly* what I said, because she said it back to me at least a month or two later, when I reminded her she needed to stay with me, and she asked "oh, because someone might take me?" I worried that I had unnecessarily scared her! I read something good that I've tried to replace that statement with. Now I say something like, "I need you near me because i need to be sure you're safe." Less scary, somehow. Hope this helps... Steph

There is a great video called Big Bird Gets lost. ITs very postitive and talks about sticking together and memorizing phone numbers and what to do if you get lost. Watch it with her do the dances and I am sure that will help. My gets sing sticking together every time we go out to a store now.

I think there are two different things here. One is, stay close to mom in the store. The other is, what are appropriate things for a child to worry about.

I understand why you said what you did - I've also overshared information with my older son, and regretted it because it scared him unnecessarily. But when it comes right down to it, a toddler-aged kid does not need to know about the infinitesimally tiny possibility that someone could snatch her from a store. She needs to know to stay near you, and she needs to know what action to take if she gets separated from you ("find a mommy with kids to ask for help.")

As far as personal safety is concerned, I think most of the specifics can wait until school age. What kids at the toddler/preschool age need to know is bodily privacy stuff - it's not ok to touch people when they ask you not to, and it is OK to say no if you don't want to be hugged, touched, whatever; p****** p**** should stay covered unless your caregiver is changing your diaper or it's your doctor. That type of thing is age-appropriate and they really need to know it for interacting with other kids. But that's positive, easy information that you can give them without scaring them about "bad people." It's ok to say no to touching, even if the person is a perfectly nice person who just wants to hug, because it's my body - and that's the important message.

p.s. I wanted to add a tip I started using last year - I write my cell phone number on my 3yo's arm in pen when we're in a really crowded venue, just in case we get separated. It's never happened, thank goodness!

Sometimes "because I said so" is a good enough reason! Believe it or not kids will accept that as an answer. If you want to be glib about it, "because this is a store and I don't want someone to think you are the daily special because you are MY special kid and I want you always to go home with me". This generation seems to think that we have to explain everything to children at the earliest age, before they have the ability to understand it. "I am the parent, you are the child" is OK! Believe me, the subject will come up again when they are older. Keep her close, keep her safe, teach her that if she gets separated to go to a checkout person or to sit still.

We have become a society that lives in fear, one that does not trust each other with our children or ourselves. I don't believe that, I think that there are more GOOD people with good intentions than bad out there. Are there pediphiles? yes. Are there kidnappers? yes. But it bothers me that people have decided that we have to distrust EVERYONE because of them. Part of that is the media,think about it, it isn't interesting that some nice guy picked up a crying 2 year old, comforted them and found their mom. It is more interesting and riviting to concentrate on the man who picked up a kid and took them (insert picture of distraught parent here). I am not saying that we should not be cautious but teach your kids to be safe without fear. "Honey, see that man with a badge? He is a good person, if you ever get lost look for someone like him, he is a policeman". Help your child learn to talk to adults, introduce them to a policeman or a store clerk so they know that it is ok. Bleh, this is a bit long winded but it is something I am passionate about. =)

I understand your fears and wanting to keep your daughter safe. One thing I learned (don't remember where I read this) has made a lot of sense to me. I tell my daughter to make sure she can see me whenever we go somewhere crowded. This is something she can understand - she knows how to do this. I used to say, stay where I can see you. She doesn't know what I can see. This little change has made a big difference. It took some learning on my part to change my thinking but now she is 4 and whenever we go shopping, she knows to stay where she can see me. I agree with the other posts about telling her age appropriate dangers.

Hi N.,

I know that my response to you is not in response to the reason you wrote in, but I had another questions for you. I was noticing that you were saying that you were in the business of residential real estate appraising. How has this worked out for you? Is it a difficult field to get into? I was just wondering, because I am thinking about going back to school to find something else to do. I have been a social worker-adoption specialist for nearly 12 years and I am just getting burned out. I think I am coming to the point in my life where I would like to re-invent myself. Any advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated! Thanks.

J.

The DVD you are talking about is called "Stranger Safety". I am not sure that a 2 1/2 year old would totally get it...but you can always put it on. I think it's good because it doesn't scare the kids, but it teaches them how to act (and encourages them to practice, loudly, at home).

I do agree with saying age appropriate things. You don't want to scare your daughter unnecessarily. I've always said, "If you can't see mommy, then mommy can't see you." My daughter was always the child in the store who would go up to people and start talking to them, inviting them to our house to play, etc, etc, etc. I was super paranoid that someone would take her because she's friendly and didn't "fear" strangers.

I've always reminded her that if she couldn't see me, and I couldn't see her, she could get lost. I didn't say someone could take her...all that stuff. As she's gotten older, I've added...she could get lost and someone could take her and she'd never see me again (she's 5, now). She's much better now...she'll be in the store and say, "I see you mommy!!" while hiding in the clothes racks at the store...but she "gets" it and as long as I can hear her or see her, it's all good.