Support

My situation was a little bit different but I can relate to what you are feeling. My husband and I adopted a 16 month old boy from Russia. While we were in Russia my husband carried our son in a Baby Bjorn everywhere we went. I was afraid I might slip on the snow and ice and fall while carrying him so my husband carried him. Because of this he immediately bonded with my husband. I can remember sitting in our living room the second day we were home with him, crying and telling my husband that the baby didn't like me. My husband reminded me that he had been the one so physically close to our son, by carrying him, for the first week so it was natural that he would bond to him first. After I calmed down I remembered what we had learned in our adoption classes about bonding. I made sure I fed him, bathed him and made a lot of eye contact with him. Before I knew it he was as comfortable with me as he was his Daddy. Now my husband says our son is a Mama's boy. It's not the amount of time but what you do with it. Have your husband wait and let you bath her. Try to focus on doing all the things that strengthen bonding while you are home with her. I think it's great that your husband has the opportunity to be so close with your daughter. He probably felt the same way you are now when she was born and you were the main person providing for her needs. Many Dad's either don't get the opportunity or some don't even want the opportunity to spend so much time with their children at a young age. Don't worry, as your daughter grows and matures she will love and appreciate everything each parent has done.

I have been so worried about this. My daughter is 15 mths and I am expecting our son in Feb. I have been primarily staying home since my daughter was born but my husband was in a bad car accident a week ago and broke his back. We have no idea when he will be working again so I will be looking a job asap after my son's birth. I love being a SAHM and I am afraid my daughter and I wont be as close because she is going to think I betrayed her or something. I know that I have no choice because we have bills to pay but I still worry. Thank you for asking this question bc I was afraid to. It seems like it is just something I will have to work at with my children when I come home every night. I hope your husband enjoys his time with your child. :)

Yes! I work while my husband stays home and I miss my baby a lot. He's 8 months old. I hate not being the primary care giver, but I try to remind myself that this is a rare opportunity for my son and my husband to bond.
I try to spend a lot of time and attention on my son when I get home, though, so he always gets excited when I walk in the door, and that's really validating. I'm sorry your daughter is not showing you the affection she used to. For a few months our finances allowed me to work 34 hours a week instead of full-time and I was really surprised at how much those few extra hours made a difference. I don't know if that's a possibility for you. Good luck, and remember - everything they do, good or bad, is likely just a stage they're going through. :)

I am not currently in your same situation... but I have 2 neighbors who are... one of which I am good friends with. The couple I don't know very well have 2 older children so they have the opportunity to leave the littlest one home with the oldest one for babysitting. I believe this gives the couple time to connect. The other couple that I do know, the mom comes home from work and "takes over". She does feeding and bath time, as well as bed time. She too has a hard time leaving, or even using the bathroom room alone because her daughter is so attached when she's home. The little girl is also 13 months old. She seems to go through stages - just the same as my 2-year-old has done with my husband. It's just a reversal of roles. As long as you make your time with your daughter normal, she will adjust. She may prefer her dad right now because she's spending more time with him. Like I tell my husband, you will see several changes over the course of time... don't fret because she's going through a clingy stage with me (or your husband). If your feelings are so strong that you are outwardly jealous of your daughters feelings for her father over you at this moment, don't hesitate to talk to a professional. I know I go through some very selfish moments and I need to pick up the phone and call a friend to work through it so I don't get angry at my little girl. Sometimes you need to pull yourself out of it. If I didn't change my attitude after speaking with my husband or a friend I would call a help line. But seriously, it's just a stage and she's adjusting to her life... she'll want you again! probably when you least expect it :-)

This is completely normal. My husband used to travel when my son (who is now 4) was a baby. I worked full-time and he had an aupair. He would react the same way to my husband as you are describing-- in that it would take a day for him to "warm up" to my husband again-- it was like he was mad at him. But, when we had my daughter, 2 years later, he got a job locally and now both kids are strongly bonded to him. What really help was letting my husband take the kids alone-- without me-- and spend time with them. So, perhaps your husband can give you some alone time with her-- time where he is not home or you take her out somewhere without him-- I think it makes a difference. Good luck!

P.,

I have gone through this recently with my 1 1/2 year old daughter and 3 1/2 year old son. I was at home with both from the day they were born until September. They are finally adjusting...I make sure that when I come in the door I say hello to Daddy and then try to give them all the attention I can. I ask about details of their day, etc. This is also nice because it gives Daddy a little time to himself when I first get there. After 30-45 minutes it is dinner time and then we do our family bedtime routine. I also try to make sure I do something with just the kids at some point during the weekend, not only to bond with them, but again, do give Daddy some time.

Hang in there!

My husband stayed home with our daughter for 31/2 years. You can't be jealous of their bond. You are both the parents.You will have Moomy things and Daddy things that go on in your lives. It goes by too fast and then you have a teenager that wont speak to either of you.
She is only a baby , she is not mad at you. You might be tired from working, but you need to smile and laugh and dont be jealous of their time and the fact that you are at work and they arent. Your baby is getting cared for by one of the other people that loves her more than anyone in the world. She will have a wonderful childhood.

Hi P.,

Know that you are not alone. My husband has always been the one to stay home with our daughter, and I hate it. She will be 2 next month and while she loves her daddy, she has become a total mommas girl. It may be that she is not use to seeing him that much and now that she gets to see him all the time she is taking as much as she can get. I suggest just let her know all the time how much you love her and she will come around. Like I said my hubby has always been the stay at home parent so if you would like someone to talk to about it let me know.

W.

This happens to all children. You will get the bond back. She is just exploring the fact that the two of you are not the same person. They will do it again when they become teenagers, so brace yourself for that. My daughter is 7 now and loves to be with me, but also likes to have her independence. It was a little disappointing to me when she no longer wanted to go to the store with me. She still goes occasionally, but she prefers to stay home and play with her friends. Just remember the love is still there, they are just stretching their wings.

Hi P.,

My husband was out of work for 2 years on disability and he had the pleasure of staying home for the first year of our daughters life. I had the same problem with our daughter when I went back to work after my maternity leave.
A couple of things we did to help the situation (hubby had to pitch in too), Daddy would show excitment when I came home from work and after a week or two she started smileing and wanted to see me as soon as I walked through the door. I also made bath and bed time routines mommy and me time, this allowed for at least an hour of one on one time and it seamed to assure her that I was still in her life and she now shows me the same affection she shows daddy.
Eventhough I fealt left out of the large bond that was formed between father and daughter, it was also heart warming and positive. My husband suffored several battles of depression while being out of work since he could not support his family in the means that he was able to before. My daughter helped lift his spirits and gave him a purpose while we awaited final approval for surgery. He is now 100% better, back to work in the job of his dreams and the bond between the three of us is larger than ever.
I even find, now that our daughter is 16 months, that she has her favorite person of the day. One day it is Daddy, the next day it's mommy, and the day after is the both of us. Keep your head up.. it will turn around!