Stressed Out Mother Here - Need a Reality Check - Normal or Not?

yep stressed out is normal for a mom.
i found that by having a sitter for one day a week so i could get groceries, run errands and have a lunch date with a friend helped me keep my life together.
maybe you need a sitter for a night so you can just relax, catch up and take time for you. or talk to the kids dad and see if he can help you out with things to ease the stress.

It is normal, but not healthy. You know how on an airplane they tell you to put on your oxygen mask before helping others? That is what you need to do. When you get to the point where you are "touched out" and irritable, you need to give yourself a time out. If you have a partner, you need to give the kids to your partner for an hour and do something alone. It can be as simple as going for a walk. Personally, I take an exercise class once a week. If a kid has baseball practice on the same day/time as my class, either I find him a ride with someone else on the team or he misses practice. I put on my own oxygen mask first.

You are right - you don't want your kids to go up knowing their mom as an impatient angry person. Good for you for recognizing this and wanting to fix it. Giving yourself the time you need to regain perspective is essential to being a good parent. Please make it a priority.

We have one son.
And when he was 18 months old I was killing myself trying to be Super Mom.
I had my days planned out in 15 min increments from 4:30am to 10:30pm and was getting very little sleep.
I just felt 'on duty' all the time and I was short tempered and exhausted.
After blowing up at my doctor who was joking about me needing to get 'more organized' she put me on a low dose of Zoloft for 6 months.
After a week it felt like the hair on the back of my neck could stop standing on end all the time.
I could sleep - and I stopped killing myself trying to be the 'perfect mom' all the time.
As far as the kids are concerned - they don't care about mess - and they don't deserve to be snapped at all the time.
A picnic on the living room floor is fun and snuggly - they deserve a mom who isn't a grouch.

You can't see it while you are in it - but if you're feeling the way you describe - you are doing WAY TOO MUCH - and you need to let some things go.
You're not 'failing the kids' if the house isn't perfectly clean.
Not eating as healthy as they should? - relax - they'll survive and even thrive.

And keep the extra curricular activities to no more than one at a time at this age.
Free unplanned unscheduled play time is important for the kids - AND your sanity.

A visit to your doctor is a very good idea.

Taking time for yourself is very important. Not over scheduling your family is also equally important. For instance we do not do after school or weekend sports/organized activities. Since both my husband and I both work, it is simply too much and yet one more thing to deal with. Instead we spend our after hours and weekends, doing realistic chores (keeping the house mostly clean, doing laundry, etc.), cooking simple meals, being a family and taking individual time to regroup.

Yes and no. Parenting is exhausting, but you also have to make time for yourself. Make it happen. Don't have a babysitter? Go on Nextdoor and find someone in your area who can help (we have lots of kids and adults offering to babysit on our neighborhood's page). Get your nails done, do some kid-free shopping, go to a movie, whatever recharges you. But schedule it. If you don't, it won't happen. I speak from experience. You'll just end up taking care of the kids, running errands, doing chores. Schedule it now.

Do you have a husband or partner? I would hope that when it comes to care and activities you are using a divide and conquer approach. Meaning perhaps that HE (or she) take on the after work responsibilities of one kid while you focus on the other.
If you are a single mom then god bless you and I'm afraid I have no advice! Only that you need to cut yourself some slack. No one (outside of a comic book) is W. W., and I promise you that your kids will love you and be just fine as long as you are doing your best and not trying to be perfect all of the time.

Hmm ... irritated and erratic - I have moments where I'm definitely irritated (when I was working full time and also home with the kids) but it's not the norm - those are when I need a mom moment to myself, or it's a sign I need some fun for just me.

If you're like that a lot of the time, then you are stressed. That means you have to change up your lifestyle and work/life balance (you may have to drop some things, prioritize and put yourself on the list of things that need attention) - you may need to see a doctor or a counsellor (are you anxious?) - or if you find you are just fatigued and need a break, that too could be that you are worn out. I guess why are you irritated all the time - list it out, and then change those things. That's what I would do.

I agree with the moms below. I have to have time for myself. Otherwise I am super cranky. I exercise - I have a group I train with - I go for walks daily, I have a machine I work out on at home. That's huge - it gives me a boost and is making me healthy. I do very shorts bursts of exercise - it is totally manageable. If I can do it, any one can. My walk is short but clears my head and I am present - I focus on my walk and surroundings. That's huge.

I found when I had kids I let go of my social life for a while - or it was my work friends. Now I am back to having my own friends. We schedule couple time, friend time, etc. back into our lives. That helps tremendously.

I have friends and one sister who always seem on the verge of cracking - stressed and are always 'busy'. They tell me what they have done that day, what hasn't gotten done, and just seem frazzled. I would chop off about 1/2 to 2/3 off their lists, and my family would still function just fine. I think some moms feel they have to do it all. They burn out. Accepting we're not perfect, and not super moms is huge. My house is not sparkling. My meals are basic. My kids go off for the day clean and with lunches though. My house is run like an assembly line. Find a system that works for you. Hard when you have two separate age groups. There is a big age span between my first and youngest so I get it. It will get easier. Good luck :) keep us posted.

It's easier to remain on top of things when you have one child.
Adding another snuggly human being (baby) that relies on you for everything changes things.
Some suggestions:
ask your mate for help. Preferably not the moment he/she walks in the door. Give them a few mins to come in, put things down and unwind after work. If you
are a single parent, ask someone for help even if it's for an hour. Preferably 30 mins a day to go for a walk, go to the gym, go to the store alone.
-schedule an appt w/your doctor to talk things over, poss get a prescription for
anxiety.
-let certain things go: your house doesn't need to be as tidy, organized as it used to be for now. Just tackle main things like laundry, dishes, wiping down kitchen counters, vacuum so you kids can lie on the ground etc.
- know that you have a lot going on right now but it won't always be this crazy, hectic.
-take time for yourself when you can, a pedicure once in awhile, meet with a friend for coffee, playdates at the park w/another mom.
- use your lunch hour at work for "you" time: rest in a quiet part of work or your car, take a walk, run an errand
- enlist the help of other moms that don't have young kiddos to help take your eldest to sporting events. Later when your youngest is older you can reciprocate.
-let certain things go: super clean house (just do the minimum for now)
-if you have other mom friends, ask to meet at the park so you can socialize while the kids play.
-rest when your kids rest
-know that this stage won't last forever but for now let the unimportant things go, take a few mins per day for yourself

You need YOU time. I get it every Friday night - either I go out with my girlfriends or I stay home - but I am a GHOST in the house.

Your kids are widely spaced out - so that makes things different. Mine are 2 years apart - both in high school now and one is driving.

Where is your husband in all of this?
Why do you feel the need to do it all by yourself?

Use your cell phone as a calendar as well - ensure times and events are there on a reminder for 15 to 30 minutes prior to the event(s).

You need to take care of you. Please carve time out of your day for you. I realize you work full time - but you can still carve time out for you. Trust your husband to do something and schedule time for you.