Step-daughter's Upcoming Visit

Updated on June 30, 2010
K.E. asks from Trussville, AL
6 answers

Hi Moms!!! Well, my older SD (who is 8) is coming for a visit in less than two weeks! Which is awesome news! However, while I'm due in four weeks, my dr. keeps reminding me that due dates are NOT an exact science (lol) and really, to be expecting LO here any day now, especially since I've just started having contractions this last week. Also, when SD gets here we're going to be in the middle of moving! So I'm reallllly worried about my SD having a good time while she's with us, and making sure she doesn't "get lost in the shuffle" of everything. Any advice???

I'm thinking about art supplies (glitter, watercolors, markers) and Playdough. Her mom very rarely is ok with messy play, like with playdough, but having to clean up doesn't bother me, plus my SD is very good at picking up after herself. Any other ideas???

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

Make sure she's a part of everything.

Use the words "your sister" instead of "the baby" or "my baby" or "our baby" as much as possible. If she's there for the birth... she's quite old enough to be sat in a chair and hold her sister (I held my sibs starting when I was 2, sitting on my mum's lap.. and could hold them on my own when I was 5). My parents made a big deal of "trusting" me (with a smile, instead of as a warning), as they outlined how to do stuff. They also always said Yes, or Yes IF, or there you go, JUST like that, or Close... make your hand a little softer, PERFECT. Made a big difference from watching my friends who heard no no no no no no no, not like that, you're doing it wrong, etc. New babies in our house also meant the unparalleled treat of a tv being moved into our room with cartoons playing quietly all night long for the first 2 weeks. So if the baby woke us up, we could fall back to sleep with the pink panther or transformers or my little pony (dates me, doesn't it?). We were also always welcome. It wasn't "go back to bed"... it was "want to come say good night to your sister/brother?" or "want to come sit with us while I nurse and chat?". We'd invariable get tired minutes later and go back to bed. But all I remember is how warm and welcome we were to be a Part Of. And then we got bored with the shiny new thing... and had fun (in the day time elsewhere, or went back to bed and fell asleep warm and comforted.

Moving can also be reeeeally fun with kids. There are boxes to play in, floors to slide around on, cartwheels indoors to be had. There are 1000 games you never really get to play UNLESS you're moving. Plus there's "door holding", coloring, movies... drawing your height on a door for the first time. We moved every 2 years growing up and it was the MOST fun... because it was a great big giant game. ((When else can you do silverware catepults, ride your bike in the house, or slide on a box down the stairs and halfway across the living room? Indoor sleds rock!!!)) If you'll be repainting... there's also the GREAT joy of being told to draw on the walls to your heart's content. (Only got to do that twice. SO much fun)

It takes longer to make things fun for kids... but the great memories, and not having the stress of fights and hurt feelings... IMHO makes it all worth it. My H despises how long I take to do things since kiddo was born. But when he's with ME he's laughing, or running "races" to clean, or going on scavenger hunts. With my H, they're yelling at each other and there's tears. The extra time is worth it.

4 moms found this helpful
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C.P.

answers from Birmingham on

allow the stepdaughter to help pack an unpack. I have a 9 year old who loves to do things like this. When it gets time to do other things she cant help do then pull out the art supplies u have listed, Sounds like u got in all undercover and good luck with the upcoming arrival of the baby!!!!

1 mom found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Dallas on

One thing I was thinking of while reading this is maybe do a scrap book or put together a baby book for her and the new baby... She could make pictures to put in it, how she feels about being a big sister, current events that are happening, she could make it about her and the baby, the whole family let her decided. So the art project would be great, then she can always add to it, let her take some pictures to put in it...
You also said you were moving, does this mean she's getting a new room, maybe there is some art project you could have her do for her room.
Also, I think may her and her daddy could go see a movie together, of course do family things too, but one-on-one time is always important... You and her could maybe go shopping for big sister shirt and this is my baby brother/sister shirt...
Congrats on the new arrival!!!

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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Congrats on your new baby. Sounds like rough timing for a visit, but I'm sure you can make it fun.

If the new baby comes before or while she is there, make sure you give her special Big Sister jobs to do that are for her and her alone. Also, it is sometimes nice for the baby to give gifts to older siblings, so you could consider buying her a new toy from the baby.

As for the move, will she be getting a room or space of her own in the new house? If so, have her help decorate and choose how to set up the room. Make sure she knows that, even though she isn't with you all the time, you want her to have a special place in your house whenever she does come visit.

And, as hard as it may be with all that is going on with you, make sure you husband spends quality time with his daughter, even if the new baby is here. Since he is the one she is primarily coming to visit, help plan a couple of father-daughter activities just for the two of them so they can have some quality time together.

K.
http://www.discoverytoyslink.com/karenchao

1 mom found this helpful
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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

What a great step-mom you are.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.A.

answers from Birmingham on

I would recommend she come to visit a week or two early or wait until after the move/baby arrives. If you have friends with children her age, maybe she could hang out with them a few hours on some days to do something fun (swim, movie, etc.). Moving is no fun for adults, especially children, however if she's the trooper you say, she may be able to help you put some things away and feel like she's helping get ready for her new sibling. Good luck!

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