Staying Sane

C.,
I understand exactly where you are coming from. We started calling my youngest daughter "cling wrap" because she was always with me. What I found helped was a night of my own at the library. It sounds boring, I know, but actually I loved it. It is nice and quiet I could catch up on my reading, look at the latest magazines and even have some uninterupted computer time. Plus it is free. I found I came back relaxed and recharged. Give it a try and hopefully it will help you like it did for me.
Jill

Good Morning C.,

Well I have read some of the advice and I agree with ways to find time for yourself and to help her bond more with her daddy. I don't agree with the counting to 3, because if you train your child this way they know they have until 3 before they have to obey, well you teachers and others who will be in authority over her, will not count to 3, in school when you don't obey what the teacher says the first time you get a check mark and after a couple of check marks you get sent to the office, or you lose your recess, or other privileges. It is best to teach them to respond with the first request. Also you teach them in a calm voice, so they don't learn to wait until you get to you loud voice before they have to obey. We as the parents are the ones who draw the line as to how soon we want their obedience. We want to think we have a difficult child who is stubborn or strong willed, but most of it is the parent who has trained the child to respond with tantrums, whinning, begging, etc. If you let your child whine and then finally give her what she wants what have you taught her. If she whines long enough she get what she wants, can you imagaine how pleased her husband will be when she get married, because how she/he is trained up is the way they will go.
God gave us the instruction book for training up our children, that He has given us, but instead we have looked to man and what they say is best for our children, God said that rebellion (foolishness) is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
in Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
God knows what this child needs more than we do. But now days people are afraid to discipline. Look at what has happened to our children and our families, it is not working doing it mans way. Dad & moms are working all day no one wants to come home to have to discipline a child, so they just try to smooth over the problems until that get so out of hand you have to look for help, then they become teenagers and you can't handle them at all. Proverbs 19:18 Chasten your son/daughter while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his/her crying.
Proverbs 13: 24 He who spares the rob hates his son/daughter, but he who loves him disciplines him/her promptly (early).
Proverbs 29:15 & 17 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Correct your son/daughter, and he/she will give you rest; Yes, he/she will give delight ti your soul.
Proverbs is full of so much instructions for all areas of our life, but especially for our children, I know it works because my children were trained up this way, and they are both older with families of there own, and still bring us much delight and our grandchildren are a delight to have over also. I wish that for all you moms and dads out there, that your children will be fun and obedient to your voice, so that they can honor and respect you, and in the future they will respect other authorities over them.
I am sorry to have gone on and on, but I see so many families struggling with their children in the stores and they don't know how to handle them and making it unpleasant for them and all the other people trying to shop. When its just so much easier on the child and the parent to have already set the ground rules and they know when you say something you mean it, and they know the consequences if they don't listen to you.
grandma J.

A couple of things actually...First, you need to start her on 1-2-3 Magic. When she starts whining you say "That's 1" if it doesn't stop in 10 seconds you say "That's 2" if it continues another 10 seconds you say "That's 3, take 2 minutes" (1 minute time out for each year old they are). AND STICK TO THIS. After the time out go about life normally. Don't linger on what was the offense, her time is served and it is forgive and forget. She MUST learn that this behavior is completely unacceptable. 1-2-3 Magic is a great behavior modification process because it is IMMEDIATE! My kids were certainly different kids a week after using the program and so was I!

As for getting away...you need to network with other stay at home moms and set up play dates. Whining isn't an issue so much when she has playmates...plus the more you incorporate the better it is for you...If you have 3 kids in your play date then that means you will have 2 mornings where you are scotch free because someone else has your kid! My BFF does this all the time and it is really a life saver for her!

When I am about to start yelling, I put our daughter in the pack and play with some toys and put myself in time out in the garage for about 5 minutes. Also, I plop her in the stroller and get a quick walk. Just being outside for 15 minutes helps tons! I also use the pack and play when I need to go pull weeds or trim the hedges etc. She loves being outside, and there is so much to look at. So, basically....just get outside! Good luck, mama!

Oh girl going through this right now! My daughter is 2.5 and I call her my leach! I just started my in home daycare so I'm sure that has something to do with it she wants nothing to do with her dad when he's home and I'm going crazy so has always been a good sleeper up until the [past 3 weeks I think she's afaid I'm leaving her or something. Just keep praying for peace and sanity everynight maybe try doing some yoga before bed to help you relax and get some peace.

Oh, girl I hear you loud and clear! I have this same problem...because I'm home all day my daughter only wants me all the time! I had a heart-to-heart with my husband about it and he has really taken the iniative to take her outside/on walks/to the park/mall, etc. during the evenings after dinner. Just in the last few weeks it has made a noticeable difference and she wants to spend more time with him and actively asks him to do things or seeks him out, different than before!

Also, one of my little free comforts is to head to a bookstore and sit and read by myself. There are always places in there to cozy up and you can even get yourself a coffee or hot chocolate and hang for a couple hours. Because the big chains are usually open until 10-11, you can get away after dinner and don't have to return until you know she's safely in bed! I would also try and find people who have kids about that age b/c play groups are a godsend! Even if you're still "in charge" at least there are other people around and it gives you a mini-break.

Good luck and hang in there!

Hi,

Have you tried having a scheduled ativity w/other kids involved everyday? My son has finally started to turn this corner in the past few weeks (20 months) since we have intitated this- the first week or 2 was hard, crying, clinging, didn't want to participate with the other kids, ect and now he goes to class, gets all excited and particiaptes/interacts with the other kids :)

here's and idea of what we do
mon and fri- daycare center at they gym when daddy goes to work out for an hr in the evening- it's cheap and gives me and hr to myself

tues and thurs- toddler class at the gym

wed- storytime at the library

hope this helps- like i said it ws hard at first and when he was whinning and clingy i would try to distract him by what was going on in class and walk away a few feet

L.

C., Here in Topeka, I am sure that you can find a church who has "Mom's morning out" or something similar. I have never actually used one of these programs but I would assume they are either free or for a very minimal fee. That would give you an opportunity to spend a few hours of "adult time" with a friend or just do something that you have been wanting to do that doesn't lend itself to the company of a toddler.
Do you have friends who also have toddlers? If 2 or 3 of you get together and form a babysitting co-op then you could "trade" baby sitting...that would give your toddler someone to play wth AND give you a chance to be out and about.
My daughter is involve with an Attachment Parenting group in Kansas City and once or twice a week they meet at different parent's homes for "classes"...the kids all get a chance to interact with each other and the Moms get to learn new things like, tie dying t shirts, scrap booking, jewelry making, 101 different things. There is an Attachment Parenting Group here in Topeka but I have no idea how active they are. There are also some great programs at the Topeka Public Library..do your little one huge favor and start a life long love of ready now!!!
Keep in mind that you are getting ready to go into a period of really rapid growth and development for your toddler. My grandson is 22 months old and is suddenly talking in 2 word sentences, playing contentedly with himself for extended periods of time, and loves "helping"his Mom in the kitchen. Your life is going to get easier....just be patient!!!

Don't give up. When she whines don't give in. If you do she knows she can get away with it and get what she wants and she'll keep doing it. Someone mentioned 1-2-3 magic...try that. Be consistant. That is the key, consistancy.
Also, have you thought of joining a MOPS program. Most local churches have them. If you aren't a member of a church, contact a few in your area to see if they offer the program. They usually meet the first Friday of each month, unless school is out in the area that day. If you live in the northland area, Second Baptist of Liberty and Pleasant Valley Baptist of Liberty each have the program. It is a great way to get to know other mom's and see how they handle certain situations and the tables usually plan a get together with their kids...and childcare is part of the program. Check it out.
Hope this helps some...Good luck and God Bless.

My granddaughter is 15 months old and does this exact thing. She is with me during the day and we are working on her little spells where she throws herself on the floor and cries (yes she's a drama queen). I've been sitting her in a chair for time out when she does this and I think she's getting better. Also we've been leaving her with others so she'll get used to everyone. Try just going for a long walk when your husband is home or go to the backyard to read or a park by yourself, this will be more than your time, this will be their bonding time, a bonus for everyone! You don't have to be gone long.
As for giving in to her wants, don't, don't, don't, it M. seem the easiest way to stop her whining, but it only increases it because she see's that it works and will do it longer each time and will only get worse if you give in, so for your sanity don't give in!

Good Morning C., I hear ya sweetie. Being a mom is a great thing. Being Gr mama gets better ;)
When your little girl starts her whining and tantrums, walk away. She isn't getting attention, she will either get louder and follow you or stop when she See's she isn't getting what she wants. Easier said then done, I know!

I have a 23 month old gr son, Zane throws tantrums at times, pitches himself on the floor and cries, bucks his back when I carry him if he won't walk. I step over him and walk away. It may take a minute but then he realizes I am not coddling or giving in to him.
I let him know that behavior doesn't get him what he wants. Again Easier said then done. Zane has a lot of behaviors that aren't what I would enjoy seeing, he is completely opposite of his older brother and he doesn't talk like I would like. The only thing I can do is leave him screaming until he sees I am no longer watching him. Then we go back to what we were doing before it all started. He puts himself in time outs....lol Walks to the corner in the hallway and plops down cries for a minute, is quiet for a minute cause he can't get up until the crying stops. While he is doing his time out routine, Nana is singing songs or doing alphabet rhymes.

C. just deep breathe, count as far as you need to but don't give in to her tantrums.
As for something just for you a relaxing bubble bath with a book, music and candles works like a charm. A coffee and dessert with a friend, some girlie time polishing nails or giving manicures sounds juvenile, just sitting a chatting with a friend.

Ask a sister or Mom or aunt to watch your Princess for a few hours and just walk in a mall or window shop. Doesn't cost anything to just walk and enjoy a park before it gets cold.

Hold on and just breathe, this to shall pass on to something that will make you go WHAT Now...lol

God Bless you C.
K. Nana of 5

My son is almost two, so I understand your frustrations completely. What helps me is talking to other moms on the phone or in person. I knit and meet with a small group of women each week to knit and chat. Those few hours away really help. Sometimes just going to the grocery store or the library alone is all I need. Ok, not all, but all that I can manage at the moment! Good luck!

First the clinging. Keep in mind it will end and there will be a point where you wish she would cling to you. My oldest daughter is 19 and there are days where I wish she would have clinged. Don't get me wrong I am very proud of her independence but still....there is a simple beauty of the love you get from your little ones.

I agree with the comments saying don't give in to the whining. I have found that if it is a small request give in before it is out of control and make sure she knows that she got whatever it was because she didn't whine or whatever her technique is.

A good time alone that is also good for you is go walking by yourself when you husband is home. I love walking when I have time.

Me time doesn't have to cost anything. Except maybe the price of bubble bath. You would be amazed how a little time to yourself each day can help. Either set the alarm for 30 minutes before your little angle wakes up and enjoy the quiet or take an hour to yourself after dinner. Take a walk take a bath. Lock the door, ask hubby to entertain the baby. Just a little time to yourself can totally renew you.

We've all been there! :) I have very "persistent" children too - they nag, whine, sound like a broken record when they want something until they get it. I have to tell them, I heard you the first time, you don't have to keep asking me, and if you ask me again, the answer will be no. I will get you "X" as soon as I finish "Z"... They need to practice patience too! :)

I think MOPS is a great idea. I also think swapping playdates with neighbors/friends is a good idea. We even do a coffee/playdate in our neighborhood where we alternate houses, and we all get together with our kids. The kids play while we drink coffee & visit. It's my therapy! Talking to other moms always helps me realize my kids aren't so bad, I am not alone, and we are pretty normal after all!

Could you fix a cup of coffee/tea/hot chocolate and read for 30 min or so while she watches a cartoon? Or get up 30 min early so you have a little time to yourself? Take a walk at the end of the evening. Give a girlfriend a call in the afternoon? Does she nap??

I think that when we pray for patience, God gives us opportunities to be patient. I would pray for wisdom!! :)

Suggestions: Don't let her become your WHOLE world. Join a bookclub (that's free), look into a MOPS--Mothers of PreSchoolers--program for a little bit of a break for you on occassion and to build a network of support, look into a class called Love and Logic Parenting (our school district's Parents As Teachers program offered it, so it was free to attend) to help you with "giving in" to her demands, look into a meetup.com or MOMS Club or Mothers and More group so that you don't have to do this all day, alone.

I struggle with patience too. I tell my kid that I don't listen to whining and am constantly correcting her with, "And how do you say that nicely?" when she makes a demand instead of a request.