Skipping Family Holidays

Since I married, I have made the rounds being the guest for the first few years and after my kids were born (which was not easy driving & flying). For the past 3 years, I have been the hostess/cook/maid, etc... This has been fine, but I feel like I'm always busy doing something else rather than enjoying the day with my kids.

I have liked being both guest and hostess, but right now I would really cherish just waking up in my own home, with my kids and husband, and spending at least the morning with just the 4 of us. NO ONE else there. I've mentioned it to my husband and he hasn't said much. Mentioned it to my sister who comes to my home every other year and she's freaking out. It's hard because I feel like I'm putting everyone else's feelings before mine. I'm not saying it has to be this way every year. I'd just like to do it soon before my kids are too old and too "cool" to sit around with mom and dad. :)

So I guess it's one of those things where it just "depends" on the situation at the holidays and what is going on with the family. Why does it all have to be so difficult and who said you have to see everyone in the family on December 25th? What's wrong with the 22nd or 28th? ha ha

Here's my party line for all of these holiday questions:

One Big Happy....embrace what you have while you still have it. When your loved ones are gone, you will regret your choices for solitude. Take the time to share the wealth of being a family, take the time to make lifelong memories for all involved. Think in terms of future generations & what you are teaching them to embrace as a "family". Please take the time to teach your kids how to reach out & touch others....& how a little bit of sacrifice can go a loooong way. Generations are to be revered.....because when they're gone - there's no going back. Peace to all!

When I was growing up, we always had our Christmases at home by ourselves. There weren't any relatives nearby anyhow. Easter was something else - the roads were better and occasionally we'd make the long trip to the nearest aunt and uncle's house, several hundred miles away. This was looooong ago - before interstate highways. (Yes, this classifies me as a dinosaur!) But our family tradition was Christmas At Home.

Now I have grown children who have homes and families of their own. Since some live within driving distance, we've been known to have Christmas together - frequently at our house, sometimes at one of their houses. When my husband and I are the hosts, our policy has been to welcome them, but not to demand them.

Just as my family did when I was little, they may want to establish their own traditions, and I don't want them to feel obligated to do things my way. I intend to have a merry Christmas with or without them, and I hope they will do the same. (My only *firm* request is that, if they're not going to appear in person, they let me know in time for me to ship their Christmas gifts to them!)

My hubby just informed me we are going to his folks for christmas. His mom wants ALL the family there! Yipee!! GRRRR! I don't want to go!!!! I wasn't asked my thoughts just "oh we are going to Mom and Dad's for Christmas. My mom went into a nursing home last year. She has Frontal Tempural Dementia so she has no clue who anyone is and can't communicate at all. My dad refused to go anywhere and wanted to be close to her on the holidays. I could not let him go through the first holidays without anyone so we went for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

This year, we went for Thanksgiving (in laws went on a cruise) and he told me not to come for Christmas that it was too much on us! He has some great friends now so he will spend the time with them.

There is no reason to not go to the in laws other than I don't want to!! So I guess I will suck it up and we will drive the 1 1/2 to their house and put on a happy face. Merry Christmas bah humbug!

We have get togethers for most holidays in some form or fashion. The Christmas, we are sure to see everyone but on Christmas Day we stay home....anyone wanting to see us knows where we live but we are content either way.

I think your answers will depend entirely on your family situation. If you have a difficult situation - whether it's the actual people, the time involved in going to see them, or multiple families that demand you be there - you probably would rather stay home.

If you have an easy family situation (as I am blessed with - and I do feel blessed - especially after hearing/reading about all the crazy in-laws out there), then I think you're probably more inclined to spend it with the family.

I wish I could skip family time, as heartless as that sounds. I have 3 sets of parents who live less than an hour from us. My sister lives in another state so she always gets the 'Bye'. And now that we have our DD, all the families feel this sense of 'entitlement' to be with us at the holidays. My husband has offered to spread out the time spent but then it becomes going somewhere for a few days straight. These days, I just say Rip off the bandaid, do it all in one day (or over 24 hours) and recoup the next few days! I love my family, I just hate that they don't care any other time of the year but man can they put on the pressure at the holidays....yippeee!

edit to apologize: Oh mom2kck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insinuate that you don't cherish time with family. I was speaking in the same voice as Sue - as in -that's my overall philosphy on the subject, not that I was directing that at anyone. Sorry if it came across that way.

I love my family. I am the drive all night in a blizzard to get home for Christmas type. I agree whole heartedly with Sue. Be careful what you are teaching your kids or you may end up on the other side of the country from your grandkids at Christmas.

On the holiday its self we do it with "our" family. For Christmas and Easter my parents come over and watch the kids open gifts/ collect eggs then they go home.

Then we get together as a family ( his side/ my side) on the weekends before/ after the holiday to celebrate together.

I would never not go to a holiday get together just because I didn't feel like it, or feel like traveling.

i enjoy being with others and having get togethers. my sister is more in the can take it or leave it categorie. i can't understand that type either. will she let you come get her girl for a bit that day to bring over to the action? why cant she come and just leave fiance home...i'd imagine he'd love alone tv time anyways.

We just stay home with our family unit. We have a standing invitation that anyone is welcome, but we do not travel. As kids when we lived close, we'd head to an aunt's house who hosted Thanksgiving on my mom's side though Christmas was always at our house. Once all family lived in NY and we lived in CA no more traveling. We live east, my family is south, and my husband's family is west.

Rachel:

Nope. As a military brat - family IS important!!!

As it stands my family is on the west coast.

Bob's dad and one sister is in Boston and the other is in Atlanta. However sister in Boston is UNMOVABLE in her stance that Christmas MUST be at home. PERIOD END OF STORY. So even if we were to travel up there - we would NOT be at her house because that's NOT how she does Christmas....oh well...

My Christmas Day party for our entire family is at my house...usually 18 of us....at 2 o'clock...the five little cousins get together...it is so much fun...wouldn't miss it for the world...we don't have drama like I hear so many families do. By the way...everyone is invited! Bring $5 because we put everybodys name in a hat and the winner gets all the money!! Fun...fun...fun!