Should I Rekindle Our Friendship? Long.

I know don't if this is the case with you, but I'll share my experience with you. Maybe it will help, maybe it won't.

A friend and a rekindled a friendship that was defunct for a long time. No beef, just lost contact. She told me she was married and life was great. Well, come to find out, she is married to a closet (well as closeted as A. alcoholic can be) alcoholic. He made her cut off her friends, and just barely let her talk to me.

Now, when he was giving her grief, she was calling me, telling me how much he sucked, she was tired of him, she was leaving and it was over. OK. I'm getting worked up and worried, letting her stay with me, and getting my family in it too. Thennnn, two days later they would "talk" and things were never better. Then they would fight again, then she's calling again, and I'm annoyed again, and they're back together again. It was aggravating, and too dramatic. After a while, I got really mad and told her exactly how I felt. I felt used and taken advantage of. Suddenly, I'm jealous of her relationship (yeah, RIGHT).

We never officially ended our friendship, but I have no real desire to speak to her anymore for lots of reasons. She'll probably say I'm a negative Nancy, but in reality, I was trying to talk some sense into her. Some people would just humor her and give lip service, but I was really trying to help. And in that, I would get frustrated. I have since learned to leave all the drama alone and just worry about myself and my family.

I can't tell you what to do about your friendship, but I always encourage people to look at what they did to cause a relationship to go south, and to take ownership of what they done. You can only control yourself.

I think this friendship has run it's course.
Time to be moving on.

I don't know why you wouldn't want to rekindle this friendship. She sounds like she was a good friend to you, being there for you all the way.

I think she got angry with you when you married your fiance and then when you got pregnant out of concern for you. I think she was seeing her friend become trapped in a relationship that she didn't have much faith in. Let's face it - you made her privvy to your problems with your fiance. Then you guys get back together, decide one day to get married, get married the next and then the next you are pregnant. Doesn't sound like something a "good" friend would blindly support, especially one who is privvy to the recent relationship problems.

It sounds like your friend has been honest with you, but you have not been honest with her. You admitted so much when you tried to make her believe you were a Christian when in fact you were not.

I think she's a good friend to you and if she allows the friendship to be rekindled you'd be lucky. But you do not sound like such a good friend to her.

You either need to pick up the phone when she calls or just decide the friendship is over. I know how hard it is to have people like that making you feel like everything you do is wrong my mom is like that. It really hard but I am not one to cut her out of my like. Maybe when you get the guts up next time to call her if she does not answer leave her a message. Maybe even write down what you want to say that way you don't chicken out as easy.

Good luck and God Bless!!!!

If you've called her back and she won't answer you, then I'd just let it go. It doesn't sound like she was able to let you have your own life.

C., how many people in your life tell you what to do and push you around? Your husband, your neighbor, who else? I went back and looked at your previous threads to see if you have talked about your fiance/husband, and you have said he pushes you around, tells you what to do (wears the pants, I think you put it). You were attachment parenting to the max, so I wonder if your 3 year old is also "telling you what to do". (I mean that honestly - I'm not being snarky.)

There is a reason other people didn't like your fiance. You decided to marry him anyway, and you obviously found that marrying someone you are having trouble with doesn't get better after marrying them, since you said that you two are in counseling.

I wonder if you lost your guts and went ahead and married him like you did because you didn't want to admit defeat or go back home to your mom. It might do you a world of good to get help in standing up for yourself and learning not to choose friends based on your current litmus test for friendship. The last thing you need is someone else telling you what to do, quite frankly.

Don't try to rekindle this relationship. It has run its course.

Dawn

You need to be in counseling. A good counselor will help you build your self-esteem back up without being judgemental. As for your friendship, I would not count on that woman. You need to meet with other moms who have the same values and standards you do. I'm sure that you are a good person. Don't let your neighbor get in the way of your happiness!

Both you and your friend are responsible for the friendship being a wreck. It sucks, but what you've described and the story Clarified Mom just told are the reason I HATE knowing my friends relationship drama and also why I'd be reluctant to share mine if I had any. Though I am able to deal with it without breaking off the friendship every 5 minutes I find it stressful and painful to repeatedly hear how bad someone's SO is to them then watch them just stay in that mess.
I think your friend had good intention, but has the misfortune of being overbearing. You seem as though you could really use a friend in person.
Perhaps you and your friend can get together alone just to have A. open honest talk and get a better understanding of each others perspective and move forward. Otherwise, I suggest that you let this friendship go for now. Best wishes.

I believe that most friendships that end got there for a reason.

A good friend is supportive, despite the fact that the might not agree with your decisions. She, clearly, did not understand that concept. She made it about her.

Read your post back & ask yourself why on earth you'd want to be friends with this person again. Sounds very controlling & stubborn. Not very good qualities in a friend, IMO.

.

You already have three great answers.Clarified Mom is inspirational, Jaimee put your leaning towards Christianity in the right voice, and Heidi told you how to tell it--so join a bible study or continue to read on your own and get involved if you want, with a church that suits you and your fiancee's needs. It is also a wonderful way to meet other people. Your 'friend' sounds like she is extremely needy herself and is doing the 'talk' but not walking the 'walk'. She may be well versed and can repeat scripture but she doesn't sound Christian. She is not paying your bills, do not give away your rights- and she sounds very judgemental. I think phone tag should end now and you can feel the hurt a little longer and then move on. I applaud you and your husband for going to counseling instead of pouring your heart out to A. emotionally unavailable human being and I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. I hope there will be another. Good luck and remember you always have friends here.

The first thing that jumps out at me is that she didn't benefit much from the friendship. What did you have to offer to her? She was always running to your aid, listening to your issues and advising. That is the role that you gave her in your life. One thing that you maybe could have offered her is a challenge in conversation; you just agree with whatever she says. I don't know the age difference, but this relationship was mismatched for a peer-friendship. You needed somewhat of a mentor or guide, and she served that purpose, but she feels used that she didn't get anything out of the deal. She could have gotten a charge from having you heed her advice, but that didn't even happen, so, seriously, what was her purpose?? Everybody wants/needs to feel purpose.

Wish her well, but leave her alone.

Hi, C.:

You have a right and duty to yourself to do what makes you happy. Even if you do things without thinking through them or realize how your decisions might sound to another person. You have a right to be wrong and make mistakes.

This woman is not your mother. I feel like you are trying to find a replacement for your mother. It sounds like you have given your power away to her. It sounds like the woman does not like you and yet you want her to like you.

Make your husband your confidant and friend:
If you want to taste the delicious fruit of romantic love in your relationship, then you'd better pay close attention to those things that are nipping your love in the bud. For us, these things include:
Wrong priorities
Young kids who wear us out
Teenagers who won't go to bed
Financial pressures
Changing seasons of a marriage
Poor health
Crowded schedules
Unrealistic expectations
Critical spirits
Unresolved conflict

Put your marriage and our husband first.
Love him with all your heart, soul and body.
Good luck.
D.

You're not a wuss-you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect-and are within your rights to be upset with someone who cannot share in your joy. Don't let people hurt you-find someone fun and supportive.