Should I Let Her Go? - Phoenix,AZ

I say no. He came for the birthday party. She has school the next day. She doesn't want to spend the night. So see if he can come early to spend time with her before the party (maybe take her to breakfast on Sunday so you can get her party ready without her underfoot?). And he could take her for the late afternoon/early evening after the party too. But she needs to be home by 7:30 so she can shower and get to bed, IMHO.

I third Denise's idea.

I don't think she should not see him more and it sounds like the time he is there was kind of out of his control, but the sleeping in the motel room with that many people is a BAD idea.

Or would she be able to skip school on Monday?

Have her dad come in the morning & take her to breakfast, then school, the next morning? Just the two of them. That would be special.

You don't say how old your daughter is, but I know when they're little Bedtime is King.

The answer to her father is "no, I'm sorry. Spending the night is out because she has school on Monday and needs to be there." You do not owe any more than that. I'm sorry but this is not your problem but his whether he knows it or not. I get really frustrated when someone knows they should do something and then don't. He knew he should take the time off and chose not to. If it was important to him he would have. An emergency to him doesn't not make one for you and your daughter.

I might seem harsh, but I don't think skipping school is the right thing to do. I'm sorry that his lacking of planning is causing you problems!

Do what is best for your daughter. She is your responsibility. It sounds like you are the only one who is really looking out for her best interests. You are not responsible for your ex husbands feelings. He's a big boy, and if he's pissed off, that's his problem to work through. Aren't you glad he's not your problem anymore?

I would say no. An emergency on his side doesn't make it an emergency on your side. He's only in town for one day, he didn't make prior arrangements like he was supposed to, he is attending her party (right?) so in my opinion, that is more than reasonable. And my kids have had perfect attendance for years so no way would I allow them to miss school for this. He can come on another weekend to spend more time with her. It sounds like she doens't want to anyway so really, there is your answer. Good luck.

We all have to do things we don't want to do. If she doesn't do this with her father I think it would end up negatively affecting her emotionally. This is a father who WANTS to spend time with his daughter and is doing everything he can in order to get time with her on her birthday. Do you realize how lucky your daughter is that she has a Daddy that is stepping up to the plate?

It's your responsibility to work with this and compromise. So what if her bed time schedule is slightly thrown off? So what if for one day afterward she's a bit moody? Let them do this. Give them Sunday, let her sleep over, let them have breakfast, and make him bring her to school. She'll thank you later, even if it's when she's an adult and is begging her child's father to spend time with their child.

I like Denise's idea.

Not sure how late the party goes but maybe he can spend some dad time before bedtime as well. School comes first!

Sorry, but I would say no she isn't going to spend the night, and just let him be pissed at me. You and your DD are BOTH concerned about her not getting to sleep. It is is school night. I would be so proud of my DD for working towards an attendance award (school attendance is an important value!) and would not allow anyone to mess with it. I would let her spend as much time as possible with him and his family on Sunday. Let them take her to breakfast. Let her go back to the motel and hang out with them after the party, into the early evening. That would be nice since they are traveling to see her. Tell him to save the overnight at a motel treat for summer vacation, or at least another time which is not a school night. Since your DD is worried she'll hurt his feelings, just tell her it's not her decision anyway, you are the one saying no for staying over on a school night. And don't tell your ex she didn't want to anyway.

I'll bet they'll be sorry that they have her spend the night in the motel - that's a lot of people in one room! If she makes them miserable because she is in a bad mood, they won't ask for her to do it again.

Sometimes the best way to drive a point home is for them to have to shoulder the burden of finding out first hand.

Dawn

I think not. I don't know what time the party is, but perhaps she could hang out at the motel later in the day on Sunday at the pool or whatever, and she could come back home in the evening for regular bedtime routine and sleep in her own bed since it is a school night.

Yes, let her go...she could miss one day of school for a special occasion.

If she REALLY doesn't want to, then no. But make sure its because she doesn't want to and not because you don't want her to.

Would it be possible for her to spend the night and still get dropped off at school on time? Seeing her dad is important for her, even if he's not being very accommodating.

It sounds like your daughter doesn't have much access to her Dad and that is very sad. I obviously don't know your daughter but I'm not certain that she's not using the "sister will keep me awake" excuse because she already feels her time with her dad is diluted and you already said no.

I am divorced, I get it. Fathers are so important and I did what I could to always encourage their closeness and he did the same. Encourage her to be happy and love her dad. This is not a battle that you need to fight.

Your daughter is nine, she will be absolutely, perfectly fine if she has a late night on a special occasion. She doesn't need to get up in the morning and do a heart transplant, it's the fourth grade.

So yes, I think you should absolutely encourage her to go and have a blast!!

If she doesn't want to spend the night and has school the next morning, then I think the 8PM is sufficient. Further, if he isn't leaving til after she gets out of school, maybe he can pick her up after class gets out for a little bit more time.

Frankly, there were times when DH put his foot down about keeping the sks in school (and they saw their mom regularly) and while they were irritated, the fact was that school time was not her time and school was important. She could see them before and after.

as a mothers we all wnt what is best for our children in all aspects. if she is not wanting to spend that night i wldn't make her especially if she has to go to school the nxt morn. in this case i wldnt mention to ur ex that she dsn't want to let urself be the one 2 take the blame.see if he can maybe wrk something out w his wrk so that some how he cld cum in sat nite she can stay the nite then if she wnts or offer them to stay at ur place. if comfortable

If she doesn't want to stay the night, then stick to your "no" and let him think you're the bad guy. That way no blow-back on your daughter. Tell her to tell Dad you said no so he won't pressure her.

Taking her to breakfast and then dropping her at school is a great idea. She could even be an hour or so late - she'll still be in the running for her perfect attendance award. (One note on that: if she does get there late, call the school and make sure they change the attendance record to show she was tardy, not absent. That happened to my GD in 2nd grade. She had perfect attendance, but was late one day because of the DR appt. and the records didn't get changed to Tardy so she didn't get her award! Her little heart was broken and I was angry!)

If her party is at 11, let her go to the motel with Dad and you pick her up at 7:00pm. Or make an exception and pick her up at 8:00.

We have encountered similar issues in the past where my 10-year old SD won't get enough sleep if she does XYZ activity, but the people involved want her to spend the night. Why it's such a big deal to "spend the night" I don't know! The last time we allowed her to spend the night when we shouldn't, she had a big competition the next day and she not only was crabby but she messed up big time, costing her team 1st place. And while winning isn't everything and her teammates weren't mad, she was mad at herself and cried all the way home. Then she was a brat the rest of the day. It was NOT worth it!

Stick to your guns! Good luck!