My son is a good sleeper, up until now. He was using a pacifier at night. I’d put him in bed no arguing or calling me at night. But then my FIL lost his last pacifier at a restaurant even after Telling my husband and my FIL several times it’s for night ONLY not all day and I’m not buying more. My son was of course upset but I thought this was great opportunity to just stop pacifier all together..that was a 1 1/2 months ago, now he is hard putting down to sleep and calls and screams for me AND EVERY night between 1-3AM he wakes up and won’t go to bed until I come in. I try to let him cry a little before coming in..***.EDIT: but my husband works nights and my son has been waking him up with the screaming.****and My son also has bitten himself When he gets very upset. He already has his stuff animals and comfort blanket. And he is very vocal for his age so I thought he was mature enough. Im thinking of giving it back because he has not improved, my husband went and bought it And maybe calling his pediatrician but I know what they are going to say. I don’t think he is ready but and he isn’t moving forward to self comforting and I also don’t want him to start having it during the day when I’m not there.
*****Just clarifying what I wrote. It’s acually my son who is waking up my husband. He’s trying to sleep so it wake him up*** thank you everyone for the answers
It was a hard decision but I ended up giving it back to him. I felt he was not emotionally ready yet and he had not improved but gotten worse, there was never a night he slept through, 6weeks is too long and it had gotten to a point where he was was dreading going to bed, not crying out of wanting to stay up longer...it was he knew I would get upset and it was making sleep a bad experience. Before he would without a fuss..would skip to bed(not kidding) and I mentioned my husband in this and I reread my question after reading everyone’s comments..that whole sentence was confusing, my bad. It was my son who was waking up my husband, who works 11pm-730AM.. It had gotten to the point where my husband was coming home in the morning from work and would tell me he was falling asleep behind the wheel, he could not get back to sleep(between 3pm-1030pm) before going to work. I will try again when he is ready to. It might be another year but I won’t risk my husbands safety.
You have gotten some great advice below. I would try and fix the husband working late and waking him thing! Maybe get a fan or a white noise machine for his room? My son had a music thingy that hung on his crib and if he woke he played the music and fell back asleep.
My son was between 2-3 when he gave his up (we got rid of it sooner with the rest after that). We used the fact that one got a hole it in as excuse to get rid of them. He accepted that it was 'broken' and like your son, he only used it at nap and bedtime.
For us, what worked was, I gave him a small sippy cup with tiny amount of water in it. He just wanted something in his bed that he could (if needed) sip/suck on if he had to. He might take a big GLUG (I'd hear him) and then he'd pass back out. This went on maybe a week.
It worked for us.
I wasn't too concerned with it becoming a new 'habit' we didn't want to get into because I knew people had done this to break the bottle at night habit.
ETA:
Thank you for coming back on and adding an SWH - it's nice to know what worked or didn't :) It's whatever works for your family.
I do know when our son gave up his, it wasn't a big deal. I must have knew he was emotionally ready (as was I).
I wouldn't at this point. If it's 6 weeks already, this is now more of a new habit than a connection with the pacifier. I agree with you that this should not have happened because the pacifier should never have been taken to the restaurant, but that's water under the bridge now.
I think this is no longer related to the pacifier, except that it was taken from him in an unexpected way, and probably because he's heard some back-and-forth between the adults on this matter. Mostly, though, I think it's a new, bad habit he's formed, and it needs to be broken through constructive and positive means, not by going back to something that probably won't work now anyway.
I don't think being vocal has a relationship to being able to handle the pacifier loss - just because he's verbal doesn't mean he's emotionally more mature than the average 2 year old or that he truly understands the emotional impact of shifting from pacifier to self-soothing.
I am confused about your son being awakened by his father. Does your husband go into his room on purpose to check on him, or are the walls so thin that your son hears every noise including your husband tiptoeing into the house? If your husband is going in on purpose, that has to stop - tell him (and get the pediatrician to back you up) that a child this age needs uninterrupted sleep for brain development. There is no way it's a good idea to waking up a child regularly. What's his purpose in not exercising more care?
Can you use a white noise machine? We used one of those allergy air filter things just for the constant sound so our son didn't hear traffic noise or barking dogs or the TV.
I'm not sure what you're doing when you go in at 2 a.m., but brush up on the Ferber method and keep lengthening the time between visits. Use exactly the same words each time, very few of them but in a very soothing tone, and no picking him up.
The thing that concerns me is that he is biting himself. Did this happen just once, or is it doing it regularly? I'd address that with the pediatrician through a phone consult.
Do you mean that your husband works nights and comes in and says good night to your son, and that wakes your son up? Or do you mean that your son's crying wakes your husband up? If your husband is coming in to check on your son at night perhaps you can encourage your husband to stop that.
Otherwise, instead of returning the pacifier, try another soothing technique. Try spritzing a soft cloth with a little tiny bit of your perfume and putting it under your son's pillow or letting him hold it and smell it. Or get a nightlight with a favorite movie character or superhero for your son's room.
I'd continue encouraging your son to go to sleep without a pacifier. Create a bedtime routine (warm bath, story in bed, sip of water, little prayer or phrase that you repeat every night), and stick to it.
If you give it to him at this point there is no taking it away later because he will have learned that if he keeps fighting, even if it takes 2 months, you will eventually give in and give it back. I would tough it out at this point.
If your husband being woken is a huge issue (even though it will of course be just a temporary one) have him wear some earplugs to help out for a while.
NO do not give it back!!!
Hopefully your hubby can manage to not wake him when he comes in. I like the white noise idea.
If you give it back to him, there is NO GUARANTEE that he won't keep waking up and crying for you. You are assuming that the paci is going to fix everything.
Give your husband earplugs. Your son won't learn to self-comfort unless you make him.
i would not give it back. its gone. he will eventually ajust to life without one. white noise or something to prevent hubby from waking him in the night is a good idea.
and hang in there. things like this will take time.
what a pity. it would have been nice to have it leave in a more gentle fashion, but sometimes life just doesn't cooperate.
there's no way i'd give it back. at this point the pacifier is in the past, and it's this new bad habit that has to be addressed. you don't fix one bad habit by bringing back an old one.
you just have to forget that he used to go to bed easily and work on the new reality. it may have happened anyway- toddlers aren't static, and the night disruptions may have happened even if the pacifier were still around.
your husband is the adult. it sucks but he has to deal while you both work on helping your son through this.
you do all things you would do in any other circumstance. go in, don't talk, rub his back or his arm, maybe hum softly. don't turn the lights on, don't get him up. if he screams, he screams. it will be a brutal few weeks, but if you stay calm and quiet and consistent he'll slowly get past this phase.
does the biting happen when you're there or when he's alone? if he's so upset that he injures himself even when you're present that's a different problem, and may need some sort of professional evaluation. i won't presume to address that.
but i'd also lose the notion that he is emotionally ready for something because he's verbally advanced. the two have nothing to do with each other.
hope your family returns to happier sleep soon.
khairete
S.
Personally, I'd give it back. Getting a good night of sleep is important for everyone and he will outgrow his need for the pacifier on his own eventually.
No, don't give the pacifier back.
He will figure it out the self soothing eventually.
Sleeping and bedtime issues are common at 2 and 3 and it's not always about the pacifier.
They've got more teeth coming in and are starting to have dreams.
Just hang in there.
Our son never took a pacifier.
He was a thumb man since before he was born.
In pre-school we managed to get the thumb sucking down to nap and bedtime but he wasn't completely over it till he was about 6 yrs old.
If husband wakes child up - then husband can put him to sleep.
Additional:
You and hubby need to switch off nights to deal with childs sleep issues.
One night you deal with child and Hubby gets the ear plugs.
Next night Hubby deals with child and you get the earplugs.
That way you each get a good nights sleep every other day.
No, Hang in there. He will adjust. Maybe make a big boy sticker chart and he puts a stick on at night when he goes to bed and then one in the morning for being a big boy without his pacifier.
You have to make that call. At 2 neither of my boys where ready to get rid of them especially at nap and bedtime. If it were me I would give it back to him. If he's biting himself that's not a good thing. That is what gives him comfort. My oldest very advanced for his age but when the daycare tried to take his away it was bad. I would tell them not to but they said he was too old for him. I know my husband worked 2nd shift after we got married and it was hard on my son him not being there when he went to bed. If your husband is waking him up he needs to learn to be more quite.
He's only 2, I'd give it back to him.... If he still wakes and doesnt sleep well, then you know its him and not the pacifier. You can decide then to lose it again. Pacifiers are pretty temporary. Most kids stop using them when they start talking a lot. It's really a maturity thing. I dont see any grown men walking around with pacifiers so dont worry about it too much.
