She Screams and Cries About Everything!

I am so going through the exact same thing...My older son did this a little bit but not nearly as bad as my youngest...he did eventually grow out of it, I always joked that 3 was way worse then the terrible 2's...I tend to ignore it and deffinately don't give in...he screams through his time outs but he sits where he's supposed to...maybe find a more secluded time out place so she can throw her fit and you don't have to hear it...Hope this helped to at least let you know you're not alone...good luck.

As long as you continue to be firm with her and don't give in to the crying/fit throwing, then it will be just a phase. My son, who is now almost 6, did the exact same thing....actually, he still does sometimes...anywho, I just had to stick to my guns, grit my teeth and bear it.
She'll get through it, and you'll be a stronger mom and woman because of it.

K.,

You are doing a wonderful job! Right now you are in the midst of your daughter learning something that she doesn't like: obeying. It WILL improve, just not today.

It sounds like she is phasing out her naps and that is a major contributing factor to fits later in the day. My son (3.5)is in the same boat. Too, she is flexing her little wings to see just how far she can push you and when; as well as in which situations you will follow through. She is needing a little more attention right now. The imminent arrival of another child may be a factor in the back of her mind.

Distractions work well. I also let my son say 'No.' as much as he wants as long as he obeys in a timely manner. I am not going to deal with obedience AND sassing at the same time. He is not quite mastering full sentences (due to being bi-lingual he is a late talker) and I will work on the sassing and backtalk when he can form complete sentences as that, in and of itself is another complete (and on-going)lesson. Sometimes (permission to cringe here..) my son will get so worked up that he will hit me. Oh yes, strong personality. I remain calm and whisper in his ear how he is now going to get MORE discipline. At this point, I will try to detach myself from the situation so as not to take it personally and get emotionally involved. Easier said than done, I know, but it works in remaining calm and objective. Almost as if you are handling somebody else's child.

I am quite convinced that some of you have seen us about Portland/Beaverton. My son will lay face down on the floor in what I have now deemed 'the full worship position', and will cry as if he has been hurt (we all know that cry and it will always snap other mom's heads to attention). On Sunday, I even heard one guy say "Oh man...yikes." as he was cradling his infant daughter. I had to restrain myself from saying "Honey, YOU just wait.".

So be encouraged, be removed from the situation, be aware of possible fear and be consistant. You are doing an amazing job in this difficult time. And should any of you see my son and I whilst in the full worship position, please stop to say hi! :o)

Hi K.-
I just had to respond because my son is going to be 4 in July and what you describe is my life EXACTLY! The fits are driving me nuts :) The other day at Target, he picked out a little hot wheels car (his favorite things in life) and was happy as any little boy could be. But then he wanted two and I told him one was enough and he had to have another great week to earn one the next time we came to Target. An immediate fit. I left my cart and his car and took him out to the car (throwing a fit) and we came home. Needless to say, he was perfect the next trip we took and has been great since.

Anyway- time outs don't work for us. They actually make the fit worse and it can escalate out of control. I found that by sending him to his room to "settle down" works. I let him know when he is calm we can talk. It took about three weeks of this repeated approach but yesterday he figured it out. He started into a fit, I sent him to his room to settle down and he was ready to talk before he ever made it to his bedroom door. Wow! No fit.

If you want to chat more I'd be happy to chat with you. Just remember you are not alone!!

Happy Wednesday.

Hi K. ... it is surely just a phase. I believe that at 3-4 is when toddlers start understanding that they are their own person and they start wanting to exercise their own will. But, they still understand that you are "the boss" and they don't know how to appropriately handle their disappointment or frustration. It's a trying time, but also an important time because it's the process by which you'll be helping her to understand how to deal with those frustrations of not getting her own way. It sounds like you're being consistent, which is important.

One time out thing that we implemented is that time out starts when screaming stops. It's okay to have feelings and be upset and cry and get it out, but the time out is usually for that behavior, which means continuing that behavior isn't really the 'time out' part. Or we'd tell our son that when he was done being upset and was ready to come out and talk to us (not cry, not scream), we'd be waiting.

Good luck! Lots of deep breaths! :)
~Tracy

PS: My son had mandatory "quiet time" in his room every afternoon until he was about 6. Usually he did fall asleep, but knowing that he didn't HAVE to usually made it easier for him to lay on his bed for a rest. It's so important for kids to have a brief rest during the day, whether or not it's a full 'nap' ... it's important for ALL of us, but ... yeah. :)

This is late but I just wanted to tell you that I know EXACTLY what you are going through. My daughter who turned 4 in March never really had terrible two’s but she is going through ferocious fours. She will go from being the sweet little angle that I know and love to acting like a rude little girl who I feel like I’ve never met before. I too have rules and always have. We have used time out since she was 18 months old and it has always worked, but now not so much. We still use time out but sometimes she will smile when we get her out and talk to her about it. It makes me feel like the time out did nothing. We started taking away privileges and that seems to work ok when we do it consistently. I am sure it’s just a phase. My mom told me that I was the same way when I was that age; I slowly got better and became her sweet S. again.

My oldest daughter does the same thing (she's 2 1/2) and we've seen some good improvement with her by having her "get happy". Rather than call it a time-out, I tell her, "You need to calm down. Sit here until you're happy again" It puts her in control of how long she has to sit, and encourages her to change her attitude in a hurry. Once she tells me that she's happy, we go back to the original problem and deal with it. If she starts throwing a fit again, she sits back down. It can be kind of tedious, and she has had a few times where she refused to get happy for over an hour, but it's a lot better than when we started. She usually can get herself happy within a couple minutes.

People say that there is such a thing as the terrible twos...but it is the terrible 3's!!! Hang in there!

When you mentioned you were having another child my first thought was is she already jealous of your unborn baby?? Hopefully it is just a phase I haven't hit that age yet. My son is 2 years 4 months old.

K.~

I went through the same thing with my daughter and I was pregnant at the same time! She is just testing your limits and how far she can push you....someone else said she is trying to get a reaction out of you and it is soo true! If you have family or friends close by that can maybe take her over night or for the weekend I would suggest it! I had to send my daughter to Grandma's house several times before she actually started to miss me and start behaiving when she came home. One time I decided instead of relaxing that weekend I painted her room and put up new wall paper boarder. She really liked it when she came home and saw that I missed her too! It is just a phase. When my daughter was 7 she tried it again...but I was more prepared this time and it did not last nearly as long.....but now she is 12 and we have been struggling again, but I can see that things are improving so I know that it's just a phase ~ testing the limits!~

I would suggest reading "The Strong Willed Child" by James Dobson! It is a wonderful book and it can kind of give you an inside on to how our child is thinking....it was a life saver for me! I started to think that I was a bad mommy and that's why she was treating me this way until I read this book.

ok enough from me! Hope it helps!

hi K.,

i was lucky with my two kids. no fits or screaming.
my son did have a very short period of throwing himself down and crying and pounding his fists. We walked away and told him when he is done having his fit, he can come find me. That seemed to work for us, but every child is different.
but now that they are older, we are getting hit with
some issues, hormones, and pre-teen stuff.

i have not had this same experience, BUT, i just started taking parenting classes. What they say, is when a child suddenly acts up and does something he/she normally does not do, check to see if anything has changed. So around the time she started this, was something going on? did you move, get a pet or loose a pet? loose someone in the family, or a new addition? Think back really hard. it could be something really small, but some children react negatively to changes.

In my opinion from what you wrote, it sounds as though you are dealing with it pretty well, as far as not giving into her fits. It could very well be just a phase, and at 3 years old, its hard to reason with them, but maybe you can ask her why she screams and cries when you say no? She may not even know why! lol. But you could chalk it up to her being 3. All kids go thru stages. =-)

Good Luck! Be Patient!

K., I don't really have any helpful advise for you...I just wanted to tell you that I'm living in your world right now too! My son turned 3 in January, and he's driving me crazy! The terrible twos started for him when he was about 18 months, got a little better before he turned 3, and now he's throwing fits, having meltdowns, BACK TALKING (ARGH!), and just testing my patience all the time! I think part of our problem is that we're busy packing up our house to move cross country, so his little life is completely disrupted right now. His brother is 20 months and his mini terrible two temper tantrums just fail in comparison to his brother's!
Your daughter may be sensing the change that's headed her way (new sibling) and that may be her way of dealing with it! Just be sure that she gets "special time" with each parent after baby comes along so that she doesn't think any "love" has been taken away from her. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!

Hello! First, I think Angie's comments are very wise. I would maybe think about acknowledging her feelings, that is really important no matter what their age. They want to feel like they've been heard and understood. Try making a joke or a funny story out of it- "Oh, what if we did have breakfast for dinner! And then we could have dinner for breakfast! Wouldn't that be silly?" Engage her instead of trying to scoot her away, or, you need the alone time, and who doesn't, then set it up before you begin your chores. Give her two or three options that you can live with; if she starts to fuss, choose for her. Then you might set a timer so she knows it won't last forever. When the timer goes off, stop what you're doing and spend even just 5 minutes completely focused on her, and then if you have to, return to your task.

Good luck! My kids always break down about 10 minutes into me cooking dinner. : )

J.

This is a late post but I was out of town and am catching up on mail. I wouldnt claim to be the expert here because I still struggle at times with my 2 1/2 year old on this one but we are way better then we were. When he throws fits he goes to his room until he is ready to show me his "happy face". This works extremely well because we all know that when you smile, even a fake, it makes you feel better. Also, when I get busy and dont spend one on one play time with him regularly he starts acting out for attention. Another thing I noticed is he needs to have some control. They need to have some control of their life. Of course you need to not give into a fit, but sometimes you can see it coming, and thats when I get on the floor with him or coloring or whatever. Its hard to find the time, but truth be told, the laundry will never be finished but your child will grow up faster then you ever want her to. I get so frustrated on our difficult days and feel for you as I have been there. Good luck, Jen

In my experience, I have noticed that when I ask my daughter (2 yrs) to go play by herself or leave me alone when I'm trying to get something done, she throws a huge fit. So I've tried involving her in whatever I'm doing. And she no longer throws fits.

I realized that she just wants to be with me, and to have my attention. Which can be very hard when I'm trying to get something done and she's just throwing around laundry or jumping on all the clothes. Now I involve her when I do laundry. She stands on a chair and helps me put the clothes in the washer. Then she throws them in the dryer with me. And when I fold clothes, I give her some to fold, too. Of course she doesn't do it perfectly, but she feels as though she is helping and just loves to help around the house.

When it's dinner time and she's whining because she's hungry, I'll put her in her highchair and give her a snack like a popcycle or frozen peas (her favorite!). I'll show her what I'm cooking and let her taste the ingredients.

Within the past few weeks she has wanted to help me cook, so we pull up a chair to the counter, and I give her little jobs along side me. She'll snack on a few ingredents, and loves to be involved in what I'm doing. I've found that this tottaly eliminates tantrums and we've grown closer as a result.

I do think that boundries and rules are very important, and it sounds like you're doing a great job with her. Next time you feel frustrated, just remember that she loves spending time with you and might just want to help. Good luck! And let us know what happens.
A.

Hello K.. My daughter turns 3 in June and she does these fits also. They get so uncontrollable we cant calm her down...we end up just putting her in her room on her bed with no toys and tell her we arent coming to talk to her until she calms down because we do not deserve to be yelled at. She screams for a bit and we go in every like 2 minutes to see if she wants to stop and talk. Sometimes she is more than willing to give up and we talk about what she did and what should have happened. Then there are times that she just doesnt want consolled and she cries herself to sleep. I've been told that they grow out of this...its just a phase. I sure hope so. Just know you are not alone!

sounds to me that she has entered into her terrible twos just a little late lol. although ppl have told me that there are terrible twos, and horrible threes. so hang in there. if its slowly improving, then i'd say she should be over it eventually. just make sure not to back down. i made that mistake by giving in once or twice, and its a long road back to where you are if you do. but it sounds like you've got it covered. good luck! its hard, but eventually they will settle down and calm down lol.

Welcome to the world of the drama queen. ^_^ I have one of these myself and can tell you it does get better. my little one is almost 4 and I have seen great improvement in her Drama Queenness in the last month. What is happening is that your little one has figured out that she can make Mommy or Daddy react to her by doing different things (like screeming, crying, and my daughters favorite that half scream half high pitch wail) look at it from her point of view for just a sec she screams you instantly react, wether it be negative or positive. try not to react to it and I know that is hard. but since I stopped reacting to it she has slowly stopped freaking out at every little thing. Good luck