Sense of Feeling Entitlment

Well thats not fair, more of your post didn't make sense.

Oh hun it isn't easy. He needs to understand that his unemployment has put an unfair burden on both of you. Just as he has the stress of what will happen if he doesn't find a job, you have the same stress. You are doing everything you can to earn money and take care of the house and I would imagine you can't see any more you can give if he doesn't find a job.

You both need to sit down and talk but before you do, both do your best to put yourself in the other's shoes. You need to understand he was not raised to be the nurturer or house cleaner and such. He is trying to come to grips with what his role may be in the long and short term. Still he needs to understand that you are doing all you can and he needs to use less hurtful words to explain what he needs from you.

You need to express your stress to him in a less negative way. Perhaps explaining you need time to wind down, you need to vent, you need whatever.

Most of all you need to communicate in a way that keeps the communication open. Comments like you are ugly to me will put up walls. Always telling him the bad things about work brings him down. I guess try to say something positive every time you come home even if it takes the whole ride home to glean it from the day.

Good luck

I feel kinda bad deleting my last post but still....yeah if anyone wants to have fun take out sayings and use different words. Like my extricate one's cranium from their anal cavity instead of pulling one's head out of their...I am very defensive of moms, it doesn't matter if we work or stay home. No one is ugly!

You are both in a super stressful situation. If there is a way to get some counseling, I would recommend it. I don't think he's being abusive, but I do think both of you are probably so stressed you are being ugly to each other and NOT INTENDING TO.

It is tough for wives to be super-moms, and it is tough for husbands to be 2nd at being the provider. It is a difficult role-reversal for them, and often a man feels less because of it. On top of that, he has been unemployed and trying hard to find work - a double whammy.

I'm not excusing his behaviour, but the situation is h*** o* both of you and perhaps you need help to reconnect in a healthier way with each other and support each other differently.

Best of luck to you all.

Am I understanding this correctly (no sarcasm, just want to be sure)?

Your husband is unemployed and is only pulling an unemployment check.

You're working full-time as a nurse, odd hours that enable you to be at home with the kiddo but when you are working it is long shifts that are emotionally taxing. You're also bringing in a salary and likely providing health insurance too.

Yet...he is calling YOU entitled because you think you deserve (and trust me, honey, you DO deserve it) some child care time so you can get a sanity break every once in a while, yet he is going back to school in the evenings which is spending money on him?

You are not ugly. You are not selfish. You are not acting entitled. If anyone is those things, it is your husband.

If you are able to afford some part-time child care then go for it. I see absolutely nothing wrong with what you're wanting.

And added: Jo G. "extricate his cranium from his anal cavity"? Outstanding way to put it! :)

Yeah, he is providing you with free childcare and helps with your bills. I say he has reason to be feeling a little entitled. Is he planning on getting a job soon? Unemployment won't last long and he has to prove he is out seeking unemployment on a weekly basis. (This is assuming it's YOUR dad you are talking about.. is it or is it your husband?)

As for your whole family dynamic, it does sound tiring and stressful for everyone. You all need to calmly sit down together and come up with a game plan. Be willing to all work together for the good of everyone and be more respectful and caring to each other.

Chores/cooking can be equally split among the adults living in the home as well.

You both have it rough, really. Stop comparing this and start appreciating each other.

Anyone that said I was ugly to him would be out the door so fast it would make your head spin! No one desreves to be treated like that, let alone the mother of his child and the hardworking moneymaker in the home. Lastly, do you want your child growing up listening to his father tell you that you are ugly? You can make your own way in this world and desreve better!

You are NOT a housewife, you are a working mother who is with a man who is not showing you the appreciation that you deserve and not setting a good example for your child.

His unemployment insurance will run out.....If the two of you don't come to terms, his insults and abusive behavior will not. ("he tells me I am ugly to him")....Who will support your child and your man when he has NO income?

He might be embarrassed because he is not able to contribute in a monetary way, but he has no right to call you ugly and be disrespectful.

Ask him what YOU mean to him. If he means the world to you, it won't matter if he treats you like a meal ticket or a doormat.

A paid child care provider would be better than a man who doesn't love you.

Blessings.....

W

He is burnt out, and feeling what many Mommies feel.
He is home with the baby.
Men are not used to this.
Even Women home with a baby all day, can go nuts and get irate.

I don't know, what your Husband means by you "are ugly to him." Can you clarify that in your post?
Does he mean your attitude, behavior or appearance?

Maybe, he feels unappreciated.
Men feel that way too.
He is doing a lot.
As you are.
It is not a competition.
Not saying you said that. Just making an expression.

You are also, very busy and stressed and just tired too.
You both are.
Both of your feelings, him & you are valid.

The 'trick' is... not pitting yourselves against each other.
Commiserate together. Talk together. De-stress together. Complain together. ALLOW each other to feel what they are feeling... THEN, create a real and fair, solution to it.

Many times, a person just wants to feel validated.
Not 'wrong' for having feelings.
They just want compassion.
And appreciation.
It works both ways.
It is a 2-way street.

Your Husband is also busy, going to school.
My Husband goes to school too, and works full time.
He gets BURNT out. He is working all the time and at home at all hours.
So, he goes out sometimes and has hobbies. Just his. It is good, for a man. For anyone, to do this.
They are not chained at home.
Everyone needs an outlet.

Your Husband is home with baby all day. That is busy. Then he goes to school too. And he needs to study. This takes a LOT of time, daily. WHEN exactly, does he study or is able to or can?
My Husband, is home studying at ALL hours. Often until way after midnight. So, He does not get much sleep.
That in itself, is very tiring.
But keeping up one's Grades.. .is very important.
And it is a priority. Too.
So yes, when you are home, then you also have to help with baby and the house and whatnot.
Because, during the day hours, he probably has NO time at all, to study.
Going to school, is also my Husband's 2nd 'job.'
And I understand that.

I'm confused.
Which person are you asking about having a sense of entitlement?
It seems to me he's got the easy end of things.
What's with saying you are ugly to him? That's downright mean.
You are certainly entitled to feel overwhelmed.
Like I said, I'm just a little confused by your question.

Take care!

Remember that you both are on the same team, so figure out what would be best for your team. For now, it may mean that Mom works while Dad stays home with kiddo. Think of the great relationship they will have with all that extra time! The team plan may change in a year or so, but for now you both have to talk about what your family team needs right now. Generally men need for you to tell them directly what your needs are...and sometimes that means you have to write it down like a list! Sometimes it helps if you discuss specific things like how you speak to each other. For example, you may just be venting about your long day at work, but he takes it as a personal attack on him not being able to find a job. But if you make a plan, and discuss ahead of time, he will know that you just need that time for him to listen, and it doesn't have anything to do with how you feel about him. Another thing that works for us is that we have "standard" chores...I usually wash clothes, he is responsible for dishes, I clean bathrooms, he takes out the trash. My hubby and I just have this mindset that we are on this team together and we often have talks about how things are going, what we would like to do differently and what we want to keep the same. Things just work so much better when we have the same game plan.

Sounds like you are both under a lot of stress. Hang in hopefully things will get better.

You are not ugly. You are a beautiful generous hard working determined Mom. Honestly I'd like to come to your house and take him down myself!

Don't you DARE let him beat you down!

:(

Sounds like you do have a lot of stress on your life! I know that I am a much better mom and wife when I get just a little time to myself-and I'm in a better mood. How about taking 30 minutes after work before going home to just take a walk, go sit at starbucks, window shop or just sit in the car and read a magazine or close your eyes. That might refresh you before you get home. Or try getting out evenings or weekends for a walk or jog you could even take the baby-they usually like the fresh air. Date nights are very helpful in refreshing your relationship with you husband. Don't feel guilty about taking a little time for yourself-- it makes you better abler to take care of others!