Second Child

I understand your concerns-- my second is 11 weeks; however, be grateful that your 2 year old is getting the extra attention. Your husband does need to bond with the baby, but he is right in a sense and your 2 old probably can use the extra daddy time. I know my 3 year old needs some special time alone with both of us now that the baby is here. Try to have your husband, feed, hold or play with the baby while you and your older son get some alone time.

D., I wouldn't try changing anything right now. It may not seem fair but actually your husband is doing the right thing.

At 2yrs, your older child will feel jealous of the baby and might become agressive if he feels he isn't receiving attention. When your husband is focused only on him, this gives you the chance to give extra attention to the baby without the kids fighting. Also, as the baby gets older, your husband will natually start giving him more attention. Men prefer being able to roughhouse with their kids as opposed to cuddling them. At 5months, the baby isn't ready to roughhouse but your 2yr old is.

Hang in there.

I agree that men sometimes deal with older children better. When my 1st child was born I was some what surprised that my hsb was not as hands on as I had expected him to be. As my son got bigger and more interactive he really kicked in. Now I watch in amazement what a wonderful father he is. The same was true with our second child but I think it was easier for me to deal with emotionally as I knew his involvement would change.
Your 2 yo needs some extra attention right now. A new baby is a huge change in their life. I'm sure your hands are all tied up with the new baby so I think it's fanastastic that your hsb is willing to spend the extra time. Your baby will be fine as long as their is a loving and supportive environment. Hang in there!!!
L.

I would just give him time. I have two girls (17 months and 5 months) and my husband has made the comment that he feels like he loves the older one more. Now, he is a wonderful, loving dad and he loves them both; he just enjoys the oldest more right now because she is fun. The baby is, well, a baby. I tell him don't worry you will suddenly realize how much you love them both when you can play with the little one, too. He is not the kind of guy to play favorites so I have no worries that he would ever treat or love our children differently. Part of the problem is that the oldest is still so young - just like your case - and the newness hasn't worn off! I think it is just a guy thing. I am sure that it won't take long for him to realize how special your youngest is and will start to direct equal amounts of attention his way. If not, why not create time for him. Once a month, have your oldest son take you on a mommy-son date (a movie, lunch, etc.) and have dad watch the youngest. You will create some special memories with your oldest and your husband will give your youngest some much needed attention. Good luck.

Hi D.,

I can understand how this upsetting this situation must be for you. However, I will say that it doesn't sound all that unusual to me because Mothers and Fathers bond differently with the children. In my experience, my husband had an easier time with both of my children as they got older. He was a very hands on Dad (for the most part) with my oldest and seemed to prefer the oldest child once my second was born. It is pretty safe to say that I took it a little personal. My hubby was a very good Dad to the baby...but seemed more comfortable with the oldest.

It sounds like the two of you have a beautiful family. I would suggest that you let nature take it's course with your hubby and children.

You did not indicate that your hubby isn't nurturing, feeding, bathing the new baby AT ALL...so maybe he needs more time adjusting to caring for two children. Try to remember that you have had nine months or so to care for two. He is just getting started.

Congrats on your new little one! Everything will work out. Relax and enjoy all three of them. This too shall pass! :-)

Wishing You Well,
M.

We had twins and my Husband had to give attention to both babies, even if it was just placing the baby on his lap while watching tv. He would rub the babies legs and hands, it was a easy way for them to be together and free me up with the other baby. As the litttle one gets older his Father should be more comfortable with him.