SAHM Accidentally - Wondering If This Is Best

Hey M., when my husband and I were young and broke I worked at school, a few different ones over the years, so I could be home when the kids were home since he traveled most of the time. I also babysat some neighbors kids, and helped a few working moms with before/after school transport.

Unless you have reliable childcare, you may need to be a SAHM. I personally wish I could afford to stay home but can't quite yet.

You could try some work at home options. You could also try to get a seasonal job since the holidays are upon us but again that is only going to work if you have reliable childcare or know your hubby is off on say Saturday or Sunday (since his hours are varying through the week).

If you are really in a financial crisis then you both need to act accordingly. Your priority should not be pampering your husband but putting food on the table. You may need to work some evenings or weekends and leave the kids with your husband. Do you have any hobbies that you could turn into a paid job? Maybe you could even look into swapping childcare with a neighbor so you could work one day a week.
Have you looked into a childcare assistance program?

http://www.dhs.state.il.us/page.aspx?item=30355
I hope your situation improves. Best of luck!

I don't think what you really need here is a debate on this subject. How I feel about it changes when I see a circumstance like yours...you are doing it purely for financial reasons. I think what you need to do is let his schedule shake out a little. Can you do a little babysitting? There are many flexible opportunities for this besides doing the whole home daycare thing. I have a neighbor who watches kids in the morning and then puts them on the bus...she gets them off the bus and watches them again until the parents get home. Or maybe just take on 1 kid for all day-one that would be close in age to yours. One more thing I can think of is doing inventory at a store like Kohls-where you would go in around 10 or 11 and stay through the night. But that would be seriously hard-not even sure how old your kids are.

what about selling avon, tupperware or something like that. i have a friend who is doing avon..and making big bucks.. she drops off catalogs via internet and in hair salons, eateries, the mall, gas stations andywhere.. good luck

write a pros and cons list with your husband. If you enjoy being a SAHM then that's one thing. Some mom's don't like to be home all day w/ the kids. I agree that with his big work schedule, you may need for it to calm down before finding even a part time job. For now, work on your savings, watching what you spend, paying off bills, etc. Or try finding a job one day a week when he IS home (weekends) to just get yourself out of the house and give you guys a few extra bucks.

For a little extra cash I post a small ad in our apartment complex doorway, for babysitting. There's lways a mom in the area who could use an extra hour, and it gives my child a few friends to play with......and a little extra cash in my pocket. I'm actually just sitting for one child right now, same age as mine, and it gives me an extra 50$ per week! Just a thought if you're trying to stay at home and bring in some money.....

I can relate to a similar situation. Without wasting time on my details, I will tall you what I am doing for now.

I search craigslist every day for child care or tutoring (since I am a laid-off teacher). But there are other things under the "gigs" section for house keeping or other skilled labor.

Right now, I watch someones kids in her home twice a week and I bring my kids with me. That is all I have been able to find for the moment that fits my schedule. But I search every day and I email people about any and every job i think I am qualified to do that won't interfere with my husband's schedule.

If you are in as dire a need as me financially, I wouldn't worry about what your husband deserves as far as relaxation for now. you will both be able to relax more if your money situation gets a little better. I personally would love to waitress or bartend once the kids are in bed, but my husband does a lot of over night on call, so I just can't. But if your husband is definitely home by 7, maybe try that.

I think in your situation, if you're the only one that will care for the kids, it boils down to what the cost is of your working vs. staying at home.
If you can find a job that pays you enough to pay for childcare and still have extra, then go for it! But that's hard when childcare is so insanely expensive.

If your husband can take a night or two and help, then you have a lot more flexibility. As someone else mentioned, right now, with dire finances, his exhaustion is kind of a thing you'll both have to deal with. If you can get back on your feet, things will improve from there.

ever think about working a couple of nights a week? Find somewhere with 11pm -7am hours or whatever works for you, and do that instead. It isn't as hard as it sounds, I worked full-time nights and went to school 3 days a week and took care of a house at the same time... (hubby doesn't do much around the home, lol)

If you truly want to earn some extra money you will find a way. Ever think about working from home? Maybe medical transription or something.

Exactly 2 days after we closed on our current house, I lost my job. The timing couldn't have been any worse...or so I thought. We had a 5 yr old and 9 month twins and couldn't afford to pay for daycare for the 3 of them. My 'babysitter'--my mom--was dying from cancer and my sister was taking care of her. So, the ONLY choice we had here was for me to stay home and allow my hubby to work when he was able. We had an extremely heavy debtload that was based on 2 incomes being covered by only 1. I did what I could to help offset everything--cleaned houses when hubby was home, babysat, took care of the neighbors' yards, did some grocery shopping for the neighbors as well and thank the good Lord every day that I had my Mary Kay business to fall back on. I was a SAHM for 5 years until the twins went to school just 10 weeks ago. I am SOOO grateful that I had that opportunity. You can make it if you put your mind to it. We did :)

I had been working part time in the evening (after husband got home so that we did not have to use a daycare) until I got pregnant with my second child and was placed on bed rest. I am now a full time SAHM and I would like to go back to work in the evenings for my own personal enjoyment/sense of fulfillment. Instead I am taking college classes (again...I already have a degree). When I was working my income went towards fun things and savings. At first I was concerned about it but then I got to thinking that in the span of things staying home for 4-5 years isn't a big deal...we can make it that long on one income and this way we get to raise our children instead of a daycare provider. I intend to go back to work once my children are in school (although I keep hearing that kids need you home more than ever once they are in school...not sure if I buy that). I never wanted to be a full time SAHM and I am still sometimes surprised that I am. I think maybe you should discuss the options with your husband and see what he thinks. If you want to work rather than need to work that should be important to him. If he doesn't want to be pampered and would rather have the money coming in then perhaps the two of you will decide that working second shift somewhere is what you need to do. If he wants you to stay home and you want to do so, then that is ok too.

Hi M.,
I was also an "Accidental SAHM" for over a year. My company went bankrupt and I couldn't find a job till now, thank God. But my hubs worked, and got paid a quarter of what I had been making on my own. I did freelance work to subsidize and keep our heads slightly above water. My career was always in retail, high end fashion, showrooms etc. So twice a week I would work in a showroom selling to buyers of international stores. My son would be in school and hubs would be sleeping, he works nights. It was a struggle the whole year but I called all my accounts, con-ed, cable, car payments, insurance etc let them know that we lost an income and I would ask for a payment plan. I also cut the mega cable to basic and never noticed I was missing anything. Cut coupons instead of buying whatever I saw,had a list always so I didn't go off course etc. Now that we are 2 income my hubs and I decided to continue in our more frugal ways, to a) pay off debt b) save some money c) becasue we don't need to have everything the moment it comes out and d) With this economy one of us could lose our jobs tomorrow. Make a plan, see what your husband can reasonably do, as far as when he would be available to help at home. And then when you two have made an agreement, then look for that niche job. I wish you luck, you will pull through.

Why don't you work from home?

Find a family that you can care for! You will earn a little money, (SAVE gas money driving to a job), and can still keep the house clean, chores done, AND pamper your husband when he gets home!

well, I have been a SAHM pretty much for the last 10 years- I have had a few odd jobs here and there and there was one year I had to work 2 days a week at a part time job to pay for a car because our old one literally stopped working.
We have scrimped by on one salary, but are also mainly debt free(a couple medical bills left from last baby- that's all!)I do love being at home with my kids and if I choose to go back to work, it will be when my kids are old enough that they don't need to be put into day care. I personally don't like the thought of paying other people to raise my kids.
My mom owned her own business when I was growing up- she was an art teacher and we used to help with her classes(hand out the paper, help hand out the paint and clean up afterward). I never really thought about my mom as not being a stay at home mom because I saw her all the time anyway. She taught adult art classes in the morning when we were at school and children's art after school. I think it really helped her out as a mom and also as a person. Art is a part of who she is and I think that sometimes we get so focused on our children(when we stay at home) or our job(when we are working) that we forget that we are people who need to express themselves too. I just have to remember to take some time out for me and develop my talent or hobby- or else staying at home becomes very unfufilling- even though I love being with my kids.
Anyway, see how you like it. It's harder then you think sometimes(so is working- I know!) but don't forget about a talent or a hobby that you have that you can work on so you are taking care of yourself and your children. I think it is something that you might really enjoy- but if you want to do it long term also, you will have to get on a written budget with your husband and realize that one income is possible, you just won't be able to do all that you could with two.
good luck!
~C.