Rejoining the Rat Race

Hi K.,
I work 2 days a week away from home and the rest at home.
I plan on going back to full time work as soon as my youngest hits about 18months. She is 9 months now. I will tell you that working is wonderful for me personally. I know that working isnt for every mom. I feel like IM a better mom because I work. I have time to myself with other adults and time to be a woman, not just a mom. I LOVE all three of my children, and when I am home with them I am happy and playful BECAUSE I am able to get time to myself when I work. I think the best gift you can give to your children is a happy mom.
When they grow up they will look back and remember that their mom was happy and fun and enjoyed being with them. Not she worked a job. So when you come home and you are with him, just be happy!! He'll get more out of that then you being with him all day every day but you are miserable because you have other goals in life you are not going after.

I have 2 daughters (ages 5 and 8), and I have worked full-time their whole lives. My advice to you is to be a mom in the evenings, and that's it. Feed him, bathe him, play with him, read him stories, and rock him. I had one of those booster chairs that clamps onto a table, and I would sit my girls at the counter and have them 'help' me make dinner. Basically, let him know that he is your main focus when you're around. Save the newspaper, mail, laundry, dishes, and TV shows for after he goes to sleep. I'm guessing from your posting that this will all come very naturally to you.

I remember worrying that my girls would get confused about their 'primary caregiver' since someone else filled that role during the workday. Kids are much smarter than that, though. They know who their mommy is, and it will always be the strongest bond in the world.

Congratulations on your new job. I applaud you for following a dream. Ultimately, the self-fulfillment you get from your job will make you a happier person and a better mom. Good for you!!

I have worked since my daughter was born. She started daycare at 6 weeks has been there ever since. You are right, it is harder on the parents than the kids. I simply made the decision that when I am with my daughter I let other things go. I don't worry about doing the dishes or laundry while she is awake. We have a routine the works well for us. She comes home from daycare and has a snack. Then we either play outside (weather permitting) or we play in the house. We have dinner, she gets a bath, we play some more, read books and things like that then she goes to bed. Once she goes to bed I will do all the housework like dishes and laundry and tidy up. A lot of things get left until the weekend but I think that I would rather have my daughter remember that we played with her and did things with her than that our house was perfectly clean. You will find a routine that works for you and don't worry about the stuff that you can't control. Good Luck!

Hi and congrats!

I am going through the same thing right now. I am a newly single mom and I am fulfilling my dream also. My daughter is also very sociable and active, so she loves interacting with other children. I too was so worried she would forget me, or resent me, but kids always know their mommy. Mine is always so excited to see me, which I am sure your son will be. Like the other working moms mentioned, just have your time with him when you see him. I've always been a firm believer in quality over quanity. You may not as many hours with him, but the time you do have will be cherished and special. There are some parents who can spend all day with their kids and not have real moments, so just remember, you are doing what is most important as a mom, which a lot of moms aren't, you are happy with yourself and your life, and that is priceless! So many parents are miserable and you can see it when you see their kids, so you are right, you are doing the right thing like you said because he will be happy regardless as long as he feels you are happy!

Hi K.:
Congratulations on your new career! It must be really exciting for you. Working full time is challenging, but I take the "quality over quantity" approach and it seems to be working really well for both me and my 9mo. old. It's so great to come home from a long stressful day, knowing that I've got a little gummy smile awaiting my arrival! I try to squeeze the most out of every day. We're up at 6am, then we have breakfast together and she'll follow me around and we chat as I get ready for work. Then I put her back to bed before I leave. In the evening, from the moment I walk in the door, it's baby time -- I purposely leave the tv off until after she goes to bed. We go for a walk or take a bath or just play games and read for two hours and then it's bedtime. I take that time to prepare for the next day, veg out, whatever. It's exhasuting, but your body adjusts. And I never feel like there's enough time in the week to get everything done...the dishes stack up, the dust collects on the shelves, but sometimes you have to put things on the back burner...they're only little once! Good luck!