RANT: I Am Neither a Helicopter or a Free Range or Any Other Label...

labels are useful when used appropriately. i doubt anyone is 100% in any particular camp, but i know that if i was heading to a homeschool activity with a bunch of moms who primarily identified as free-range, i'd be off to a good start as far as likemindedness. if i saw an outing hosted by sonlight, i'd know i'd be the odd mom out.
but yeah, labels can also be divisive and used to hoist oneself up and derogate others.
for as long as i've been on this earth (and that's a fair piece o' years) there has been divisiveness and snarkiness as well as pleas for everyone to stop being divisive and snarky.
snarkiness evolved with opposable thumbs.
khairete
S.

Um, I'm not sure who you're choosing to spend time with but most of the mothers I know get along well enough and certainly don't tear each other down. Sure there may be some judgement and even labeling going on from time to time but most of us have enough common sense and good manners to keep our opinions to ourselves.
Unless of course you ASK for an opinion, well then, you're going to get it!
I think you need to seek out a new group to hang out with :-(

What's wrong with applying a label to your parenting style? If someone else labels you incorrectly, correct them. Nothing wrong with identifying with a group of like minded individuals.

When you bring people together and present a situation there's likely to be a disagreement on the right thing to do or the right way to feel.Human nature. People label others all the time.

Instead of spinning your wheels disagreeing with someone else (especially when it comes to something dangerous) you might want to just accept that not everyone has the same values and beliefs and move on. I'd venture a guess that when people have such differing parenting styles it would be too stressful to deal with that person all the time.

I love psychology and learning how to be happy. I'm telling you about my experience. My thoughts may not be helpful.

I've found that when I'm stressed in my own life, I'm more sensitive to everyday things. I can't fix the things stressing me. I can "fix" someone else.

I've also found over the years a way to deal with things so I don't get bothered. What I say to myself helps a lot. First, I recognize that I'm irritated because thinking of what's said or done takes my mind off what is happening in my life. Criticizing others is a coping mechanism that never worked for me. It just made me cranky. So, I say stop. I remind myself that what anyone else does or says is not my business. Each of us have different issues. We are only responsible for our own issues.

With counselling I learned to exam myself to learn why I reacted negatively. Talk, words and actions that upset me are often related to something going on in my own life. Once I deal with my issue, what others say or do are no longer related to me and I'm less apt to get irritated. I've learned that it takes time to learn how to stop being critical. In the meantime, I tell myself to stop and move on. I can control how I feel.

What I say is just a possibility, based on my experiences.

Could these articles be irritating because you're needing to defend your way of parenting. Reading about labels and criticism trigger something in you. When we become aware of the trigger we can respond unemotionally.

Well, you can get your back up and fight with people, or you can be relaxed about it and say "Yeah, yeah, that's what you always say to me when I'm dealing with my kids the way I'm comfortable with. Pass the potatoes."

If it's not the way you deal with your kids that they're being snarky about, maybe it would be something else. Maybe they're just snark to be snarky. Or maybe they are making fun of you and using your parenting style as a way to do it.

You don't have to have the 5 year old fire player at your house, you know. You can just let their kid do the fire playing at THEIR house and leave whenever you want.

I have a lady I work with who can't figure me out.
She makes all kinds of snide comments.
The thing is - she doesn't get to define me - and her efforts almost make me laugh.
She's a diva - and it pisses her off to no end that I don't care a bit about what she thinks.
She's the center of her own universe but not the center of mine - and that SO bothers her!

Basically - if who ever it is and their comments are getting under your skin - you're feeling some sort of underlying insecurity.
When you get to a point where you laugh and let their bs bounce off you - you'll be in a good place.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I read an article that talked about just this thing!! The blog is www.betweenbabydollsandboyfriends.com The author wrote a book about tween girls, but this particular post was more about the labels you are talking about. I think you would totally relate!!

Hi L.,

One of the sections that was not printed in my parent manual, you know the one we got when we conceived our first child, was that I'd been signed up for the most competitive sport knows to womankind....the mommy wars. natural child birth vs epidural, vaginal birth vs scheduled csection, bottles vs breast, SAHM vs working mom, modes of childcare, private school vs public school.....and on and on and on it goes.........(and I've been told it translates into grandmahood too....sigh!)

I am with you on the rant and of course you're not encouraging fire play...rolling my eyes. My feelings boil down to these...1)we're give the ones we're supposed to have and 2)once we make them it's up to us to take care of them. Blend those together and what you have is a parent/child relationship that is unique and grows over time. Only I know what is best for my DS until he's old enough to know for himself. Nobody's business and why should they even care. I say BYE FELICIA...to anyone who thinks their opinion holds any water. This world is difficult enough to navigate without these artificial social constructs that serve only to make someone else feel better at my expense.

Your writing was eloquent and to the point and I enjoyed your contribution. :-) S.